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Show NOT TOO DUM SERIOUSLY BEAU BROADWAY, In Now York Telephaph Tho inoro I examine some recent emanations emana-tions from pulpit and rectory, the more comincod I am that It wouldn't he a bad Idea for tho laity to Insist upon alienists' cortlilcatos foororo some men aro permitted to preach. A London publication Insists that "thoro Is no nation undor hoaven which SOtS a hlghor value on royalty than tho United States or America." Woll, we've paid onough Tor It In marriage mar-riage sottlcmonts to near royalty to Justiry iho suspicion, but when tho plain folk aro consulted ie royalty Idea hasn't tho lure or an onion. Mr. Wilson Is entitled to somo acclaim as tho precedent-breaking Prosldcnt There aro a great many things that trouble tho man In tho street more than tho sufferings or Congressmen who have to stay In Washington during tho heated term. IT tho present convention style or nomination nomi-nation is not satisfactory, all that is necessary neces-sary Is to change tho convention mode. Tho convention Is roprosontatlvo ir the voters so doslro. Tho direct primary was proposod as a euro Tor that for which human laziness In politics 1b responsible. And nobody would bonollt oxcept, perhaps, tho demagogues. dema-gogues. Resuming hostilities A couple that quarrolod forty years ago have decided to marry. Paprika Jones, who Is a bachelor, says that no matter how high the tax, his freedom's free-dom's worth It. "Work," says the Dally Optlmistor, "Is tho mission or man on this planot." All or which Is not so confoundedly optimistic. Things to worry about Public drinking drink-ing cups aro to bo abolished July 1 In Duluth, Minn. Man Just has boon awarded $2,500 Tor tho loss or thrco ilngors. Tcmprunco rolk will ploaso tako hood. A llngorloss plckpockot has boon caught in Boston. It used to take dynamite to get monoy out or a Boston pocket. Womon's hats aro to bo smallor; but then again, as Sapphire McGurk points out, some or 'em aro smallor alroady. It Is officially announced that tho nirtlng season has arrived. But by what right It Is mado a closed season Tor part or tho year none has explained. Exports affirm that undor tho now tom-poranco tom-poranco law Malno buttormllk shows more and bigger snakes than a man could procure pro-cure with ordinary whlskoy. A Kontucky woman sat down on a beo-hlvo beo-hlvo to watch a llro. In a row mlnutos, owing to tho activity or tho boos, tho flro was or no particular Interest to tho woman. wo-man. It only cost Columbus $8,000 to discover dis-cover Amorlea. nut tho subsoquont ox-ponso ox-ponso to Spain, whon sho bogan to lose wholo tracts of It, was tromondous. It Is assortod that girls aro more conscientious con-scientious than boys. Hum probably, but it's so much oaslor for girls to bo that way. London Is taking Its dancing lossons from a lightweight pugilist. Tho Swodes ovldontly loarned tholr dances from a heavy Wolght. nono is now off tho map. it no longer offers quick divorces to tho needy and Is othorwiso too unlntoroBtlng to bothor about. Sioux Falls wont the same route, and now look at It I Somo of tho vencor Is being scraped off tho Wilson cabinet and tho fear Is growing that tho solid Ivory will soon show. Boston has hired seven nurses to caro for poor babies. Boston's baby problem novor has boon oxtenslvo. Tho suggested sanitarium to cure gamblers or tho desire to tako a chanco might find work to do IT tho chanco takers ovlncod ovldonco or any doslro to bo curod. Washington is now so dry that the cracking or parched throats Is being mistaken mis-taken ror an armed attack on the city. Its all very woll ror young women to woar trousers on camping trips, but there fs still a dangor that It may become a habit. By Ccptnln Pcacocko, In New York Telegraph. Don't mix with pcoplo who are blessed with greater wealth than you, don't let yoursoir bo patronized by purso-proud people peo-ple who will treat you with mote toloranco and ridicule your bluff, but kcop yourself within yoursoir until you have enough. Don't walk as ir you had somo queer affection or tho spine, like lots or girls do whon they're dressod and fooling extra line; don't hump your shoulders, tilt your noso or stick your shoulders out; don't wlgglo ir you're skinny and don't waggle ir you're stout. Don't talk about your ailments or your tummy or your health, don't boast about your podlgroo, don't over talk or woalth, don't talk about tho weather only bro-mldos bro-mldos talk or that don't mention that you'ro growing thin or gottlng very rat. Don't bolt your rood; there's lots or time; glvo every chow Its duo, rton't criticize home cooking, novor scrutinize a stow, don't grumblo at your waltor should tho poor chap mako a slip, romombcr that you'ro In his power, and don't rorgot to tip. Don't laugh at fat pollcemon whon they're swoarlng at tho boat, don't koop your soat in streot cars If a woman wants tho soat, don't rorgot that no true gentleman gentle-man will let a woman stand; don't look at ladles' stockings whon you'ro lying on the sand. Don't marry till you've saved onough to buy a wedding ring; don't rent a house until you havo examined ovorythlng; don't bo arrald or anyone, and loarn to say "I won't." Thoro's lots or things wo'd like to do, and ought to do, but don't. |