Show CIn abo Greenhorn Hunters T DEVERLY EVERLY HILLS CALIF BEVERLY 1 Now Now that the casualty lists are drifting in theres there's talk of action to cut down the needless fatalities that mark every gunning season Greenhorns prowl the glade firing I at anything that moves All who can n afford hunting licenses and high high- powered rifles rilles a are r e eligible They rarely hit bit big game but seem able to blast down humans at any distance If It it were permissible to mount guides' guides heads beads there'd be handsome trophies over many manya a mantelpiece in this fair but careless Irvin irvi s S. S Cobb I land Once there was a Maine guide guide- so the old story runs who runs Who got gosh- gosh awfully tired of being shot at by city slickers So he made a complete suit of broad awning stripes alternately al aI- al- al white and black He lie figured figured fig fig- tired that ought to save him but on his next trip into the woods an amateur potted him the first shot At the inquest the coroner said We iVe know you didn't mean to kill poor Eph but how in thunder did you think a man dressed like him bim could be a deer I didn't think he be was a deer confessed the remorseful one I thought he be was a zebra 1 Antics of Auto maniacs TT jT IT MUST indeed be true that providence provi provi- j A dence looks after idiots and drunkards Else how could all such be able to get drivers' drivers license I 1 rode with a prize specimen yes He seemed lucid enough until until until un un- til he got his foot toot on the gas That was what fooled me If ever 1 I ride with him again which heaven forbid forbid for for- bid I 1 shall carry a lily in my hand Just just in case We had a set of overcoat buttons but but- tons the top of off of a stop signal and part of a J in 1 our car when we arrived So we didn't actually hit anybody this being due I 1 think to his holding dead on the mark instead of leading it by a few inches I as one should when ones one's target IsI is moving He lIe hopes for better luck I next time Yet there was no rush There rarely is And that's the funny part about an reactions Its It's the only funny part the part the rest is tragedy S The Simpson Affair T THE HE simple name of Simpson has become practically a household household house house- hold bold word in America but said millions of English people haven't so much as heard it yet yet yet-or or at least not in their public prints Its It's another another another an an- other case of having to go away from home to hear bear the news If It its it's true as exclusively reported over here that his majesty invited a premier and primate two primate two of the highest cards in ilL the whole deck deck deck- I to mind their own business he set the tune for the daily dally press of his realm to dance by However the British newspapers never did develop the high arts of keyhole peeping and transom lifting liltIng lilt lilt- ing big to the extent practiced by a certain peculiar school scho of American Ameri Amen can journalism With them an nn Englishman's Englishman's Englishman's Eng Eng- lishman's house still is his castle though it be a glass house Or even evena a royal palace But some of the the- London gossip- gossip writers must be so swollen up with strangulated copy they've probably had to have their clothes let Iet out Now if haply purely a Yankee affair instead affair instead of being as it were fifty fifty-fifty how fifty how those boys would love loveto loveto loveto to cut loose I S S S A Job for the New President TF IF IF in his first message to the 5 next congress our newly-elected newly President should President should come right out and advocate the following things First Taking First Taking steps to collect or at least try to collect what those defaulting debtor nations owe us second second instructing instructing the proper departments departments de de- de- de promptly to deport all aU aliens Illegally admitted to this country country coun coun- try and therefore here in defiance of our immigration laws Jaws third third- authorizing immediate action so that all aU communists and I Iother other foreign born enemies of the I government which shelters them them- them them-I including especially such of these as asare asare asare are on federal relief rolls roUs or hold I private jobs to the exclusion of citizens citi citi- zens shall zens-shall shall be put out of this country coun cowl I try and kept out outWell I Well If it he be did do those very things there wouldn't be as Adam I Bede once said a dry throat left I among the kind of Americans I trot around with I IIRVIN IRVIN S. S COBB I wU o I II I |