Show I Pitching Hots Horseshoes shoes shoes' By Billy BUly Rose Rose By BILLY BOSE ROSE Did you y u ever take a a- aguy guy down Into the cellar and kick him around around a ai little to make him talk talk- I asked mano My favorite av 0 r rite I t e d detective wf winced ced f N Never e eve v e r kl kicked ked anybody In my life he said J fr Kicking guys Is t bad for the feet r rAnd And speaking of IsE feet teet Never mind I cut In hastily Billy Rose Ill I ll take your word for Cor it Mikes Mike feet are an old Joke around Broadway The flatfoot is s sensitive e about being called a flatfoot flatfoot flat flat- fo foot t and is always looking for an excuse to take hi hip shoes off and show what perfect arches he has Never used a rubber hose either Mike continued I 1 operate operate oper oper- ate on the theory that the brain brainis is mightier than the billy club Take Tak for Instance the recent case of the shoplifter who was robbing that ave store I worked that one one ne out saying hello to the criminal Give Gly I said as I ordered up an extra large cut of the detectives detective's detectives detective's detec detec- tives tive's favorite cherry cheesecake Actually Actu there here wasn't much t to tO it said Mike tike Headquarters got gota a call for help from one of those ladies ladies' shops shop which arent aren't Interested interested interested inter Inter- ested in a customer unless he has hasa a coat of arms anns or money When I walked in and saw the prices they were charging I felt like arresting arresting arresting ar ar- ar- ar resting the thc manager No Publicity No 0 The head of the store was a afancy afancy fancy laney looking gent with striped pants and a monocle monocle-in in his throat You know the type women type type women love Jove him and the department wishes wishes' it had his fingerprints He Hc told me that stuff was disappearing every day without a sales sales' slip slip slip- sometimes without even being wrapped I 11 1 told him Id I'd drift around the store tore like casual and that it vas was only a question of time before I grabbed the culprit Pants Fancy-Pants told told old me that wouldn't do The rhe he shopS shop didn't want any vulgar newspaper news news- paper japer publicity How did you Bo solve olve ve it Dr Waton Watson Wat- Wat on son I r I asked Was 1 it really the butler Mike sniffed at tt t his coffee coffee- as if ift It t were ere year old Red Hackle After o do down don n mOst moat of the cup up he went on The Thc next day 1 had th them m wrap up several attractive Uv Ive tive packages and nd plant them around around on the counters Late that afternoon a distinguished hed looking looking- biddy walked into the store Gentle Reminder She was carrying several sm small l parcels She set let them down near one me of ot the planted packages package and asked to be sh shown wn some Iome handbags After inspecting sev several she tol told the salesman none of ot them then matched the shoes shoes' she had just jus bought She picked up all all' of the packages including the e plant and walked out of ot the store Did Did you follow her her I asked the detective It wasn't necessary said the theman theman theman man with the perfect arches 1 walked into his office and told the manager Ii he could throw awa away hi his aspirin the crime wave was over said I 11 dont don't get i it I You let the biddy walk out with wit th the merchandise Mike Romano forked up p the thel I las st t sliver of of- cheesecake The mer mer- chandise in the package he h smiled consisted of an old pair pai of handcuffs and a pl picture re postcard postcard post post- card of the Tombs Copyright 1947 by Billy Rose Distributed by Bell Syndicate Inc |