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Show HAWKEYE EDITORIAL DOTS. Mr. W. D. Howells, the author, parts his hair equatorially. --- Do you remember what the governor of Maine said to the governor of Maine? "It's a long time between inaugurations." --- "Handsome is that handsome does." Yes, but when a confidence man with one eye and a broken nose has done you handsomely, then what? --- The telephone is only about two years old, but some of the jokes about it sound as though they were ragged when the pyramids were young. --- Western towns are beginning to trim down their estimates of population, in apprehensive anticipation of the United States census marshals. P.S. Also some eastern towns. --- We protest against the folly of this senseless demand that the money of the land should be kept in circulation. That's just the trouble with it; it circulates too fast. What we are trying do is to stop at little of it at the very number where the carrier leaves our letter. --- Harper's Bazaar tells us that "ruby gloves are a novelty brought into vogue by the gay outdoor costumes." They are worn, of course, only by the ladies. If the men wore gloves of that color, there are some men who wouldn't be able to tell their nose from their fingers. --- We see by the report of the house committee on carriage, weights and measures, that we are going to have three new coins, the "stella", the twenty five gramme silver dollar, and the solid metric dollar. It may be all right, and we suppose it is, but if we had a whole pocket full of stellas, and twenty-five metric dollars, we wouldn't know how many of these nor which kind to put into the box to pay a street car fare. --- A sad looking man went into a Burlington drug store. "Can you give me," he asked, "something that will drive from my mind the thoughts of sorrow and bitter recollections?" And the druggist nodded and put him up a little dose of quinine, and wormwood, and rhubarb, and Epsom salts and a dash of castor oil, and gave it to him, and for six months the man couldn't think of anything in the world except new schemes for getting the taste out of his mouth. |