OCR Text |
Show I'KOl'I.K AND THINGS. Ti ic man who would like to bee J'oU tho hhud Ul in. A g"-l temper nice work removing re-moving lue b-irs at Ui lnuuth of the Mississippi. W: y cann-t a temporalis man ki.a a Jewess.' He h.u iworn not to taste jcw-lips. We know all about nri.)ting stars, but we ul'tn foig.-l luat thu world of ours is a revolver. Mem. to thoae conUniplaitng mat rimony k.vp nn coiiteniphiting it, and you won't hurt. Olive L'gan is writing a lo'k aUmt 'Butter," undei Hie miserable delusion delu-sion tuiit it will b'read. That remarkable vegetable product, tht; Christmas tree, has hurst out with very unusual luxuriance. How many grains of common sense go Ui one scruple? How many scruples of conscience go to one dram? The human frame is often alluded to by Brother Muo.ly. The good brother knows all about bones and sinners. "Fat, have yon seen a stray pig this morning?" '"Shuro, an' how could I tell a stray pig from any other, sur?" Mr. Budd aked her, ' lioep, wilt thou be mine?'' "L am sorry it can not be but a rose cannot bo turned into a bud." However, if you can't get your children vaccinated for Christmas, at least givo them some of John S. C. Abbott's works. The Detroit Free I'revs man feels of his ear and "pities the North I'ole expedition." Because it hasn't that ear for a blanket ? They aro getting so accustomed to i,.,i,L,iuj;a -LjuiLiaiuu; unit people constantly accost each other with this question: "Any nooso to-day'?'' A Detroit woman could think of but twenty-nine ingredients to put into a minco pie, and she wept at the idea of losing her powers of memory. A woman in Missouri has just given birth to a child that weighs thirty pounds and has a thick black beard. Let a vigilance committee bo formed at once '. "ies, ho maybe a good scholar, and all that, but he can't pass a beor saloon," was what one literary gentleman gen-tleman remarked of another on the streetyeslerday. "Hermann Creamer, of Iowa," who was killed by the dynamite explosion ex-plosion at Bremerhaveu, was a resident resi-dent of Osceola, Iowa, where his wife and child now are. "Mamie," said a mother to a little six-year-old, "If I was a little girl tiki you I would pick up all those chips." "Well, mamma," said tho little one, "ain't you glad you aro not a little girl?" There is a married woman with four legs in Connecticut, and because she won't have two of them sawed off, her husband is obliged to work six- teen linnra ft rt-iv in i-iritui-tn 1 .wn Kr in striped stocking3.-Brooklyn Aryus. "Mrs. Henry," said John to his wife tho other morning, "if you givo mo a Christinas present this year, please arrange it so that the bill won't come in till tho next mor.th. It's just as well to keep up tho illusion for a short time." So; dynamite Thompson's name j was Alexander, was it? Very well, j Aleck' under. Ho has gone where the woodbine would find it impossible to twine, aud his name isof no consequence con-sequence now except as a mere matter mat-ter of anatheuial satisfaction. |