Show HOMESPUN YARNS A heartrending story is being told toldon toldon toldon on an enterprising young stock broker by b the name nome of Tod Goodwin also o the of oC the tite Elks Eha society and ani the wielder of a colored pencil over oer on the Tribune It is related that an older member of the board approached Ted Tad one day saying that he haft hd a pact placed in ha hs hands bands for tor di tion timi and offering Ted Teal half balf the commis commission sion ion if he would find a buyer So Tod started out to woo suckers Buckers and about pout the first person per on he be ran up against was Tug Wilson of Provo Prove Tug was us told in terme terms that only a poet can use that this was the greatest proposition on earth It was the coming Silver Sliver King All AU it needed n ed was time The price was wes low Jow Tug afford to wait walt another minute When Too Tad had finished ex en extolling extolling tolling the prospect which was not before a half hour had elapsed Tug shifted his euld That all right young man he said but Ive re owned that property for forthe forthe forthe the pest ten years and youre the first person who ever thought it was worth wortha orth ortha a damn j The wonder is in that it has kept out of all these the e years They say eay that before Parley P Chrs Chrin te Sl the legal 1 1 light emigrated em ted from Sweden he was on one OD occasion pre prevailed prevailed upon to address the convicts convict of his native burg It was wa at a Christmas Chrt celebration and Parley had prepared a to set the whole hole country ablaze Day after atter day he rehearsed the oration and when the aur ur for action actton arrived he could say aay it backwards M as aswell aswell aswell well as forwards from end to end But when Parley Parle got up before his hiB clamie audience to his horror he re ye remembered remembered he lie bad forgotten to prepare re rean an introduction He tried Ladles Ladies and ani gentlemen gentleman and a titter went up Fel Fellow Fellow Fellow low citizens he said Mid and terna consternation con tion reigned Brothers and sis els h he bIU hed But suddenly the speakers lace ce lit up and stepping nearer the front he cast his eye eyes sweepingly over the audience e and exclaimed I 1 1 am pleased to see so many of you here If a suburban cot col temporary tails fails to togo togo togo go to press this morning the public may know the reason why There has bas been a dangerous disruption of the th good feeling that has hU heretofore pre prevailed In its police pollee news staff starr It is unfortunate that the matter should find its It way into print cut out some explanation explanation tion is due east sat Hide aside residents re as to the cause of or the severe shaking Up in that locality yesterday yc afternoon The police pollee it seems took tense offense o at another staff stall members reference to him as it or this thing It is hi uncertain which Dont talk of or me in that way WIly said the injured party 1 I meant nothing said the other soothingly Well W ii dont do It ItI itI itI I wont sont ont Because If you do Ill In slap you he be resumed An n awAll silence pervaded the room Here wa wan a it man about to be slapped cf 4 on the face Horrors The junior drew himself up to his full height h and replied calmly You wont slap me meI meY meI I Y said Td rd slap ship you repeated the chief Chier and again the rafters ratters trembled The Th spectators were terrified Sh ts g med rooted to the th spot spit but in the course courso c of oC time things quieted down i and business was a resumed Af lock Iok can ran sometimes Sometimes put a man in ina ina a pst unenviable position The other morning for instance Johnny Arm Arpi who manipulates the city jag jags b s from sunrise to sunset found Cound him himself self s flying toward the police station n at 5 30 in the morning when It shOuld have been 7 1 The clock cloctt In Johnnys bowse ae h ouse was fast H He got sot out of bed when these particular hands pointed to toa toa toa a quarter of seven Good lord he gasped only fifteen minutes to get to work Breakfast No Wash Out of or the question It was just justa a plain case of dress iresa and fly fl fI and Johnny flew fie No car carin carn in I n sight Ight of course and nd a walk from I Eleventh If East But ten minutes later found f him entering th tb door of the sta station statton tion t ion hat in hand and and great gre t beads of perspiration standing out on his brow browIn browIn brown In I n spite of the zero aero feather Well Wel was the desk deak sergeants sal sally s saly 1 ly b l y arent you ahead of time Then John looked at the clock Yes he l ie was waa an hour and a half halt early And lt for the next half day John made the trusties t eurry curry the horses Down go the announces a in lit the window of a Main street store stare |