Show t I j I j I t I C3 A1 TIrnC2ll r1o D S3h10lS 1 The Truth at Last General snld tlio shndo of Tamer con I should Hl < o to know tlio true tory of that cherrytree episode Well It wns this way replied the shade of Gen Washington Papa said to mo George did you cut down that pruno scrntlna No papa said I I cannot toll n ilo I did not And there tho Incident closed You see tho tree was not a pruno scratlna at all but a prune cerasus True to Nature Nervous Drlilco Player deprecatIngly deprecat-Ingly playing cnrllsI really dont know what to play Im afraid of making mak-ing a fool of myself Lady Partner reassuringly Thats nil right I dont sco what else r you could havo done Punch Keeping Afloat A month had passed since tho countess count-ess had sued for divorce A week had gonu hy slnco tho papers hall mentioned men-tioned the affair My dear said tho count cant you file amended papers or something some-thing Weve got to keep In the swim you know Thereupon the lawyers were sot to work afresh A Bitter View YovattIts funny that lovo stories should Invariably end with tho marriage mar-riage of tho hero and hcrolno Honpeck Why HO Lovnlt IlccAUso tbnta really only tho beginning of their lives Honpeck That may l > o but Un tho end of the love story NO OBSTACLE i 1 j i t 1 t r 1 J A pL fl ry x s r q RP rf 1 daughter will got a cool million for her dowry I Oh that doesnt matter lovo overcomes nil j1 Wise Papa She Papa believes In tho pleasures of anticipation HoDo you agree with him BhoOl1 yes indeed In the summer A sum-mer ho promises to buy me a sealskin coat tho following winter if Ill give k up going to tho seaside and In the winter ho promises to send mo to tho fit seaside tho following summer If Ill f give up tho sealskin coat So you see I am always happy Jupiter Nodding I Shakespeare Is all wrong muttered 1 mut-tered tho lending man to tho soubretto C us tho star walked out In front to take tho call meant for tho chief actors In what particular asked tho Y soubrette Tho fault Is In ourselves that wo nro underlings angrily replied the lending man as ho watched the monopoly mo-nopoly In front of the footlights A Joke on Him Whats old man Groucher kicking about asked tho hardware dealer Wonted ten pounds o nails replied i re-plied tho clerIc nn wouldnt trust us i to send em Insisted on taking them t r with him Huh I hopo hell sweat for It Ill bet ho will I sneaked five or o six extra poupds of cm In the package f a pack-age A Domestic Note Toto do Venn took n newspaper t j from his pocket chuckling 1 Look hero ho said Look nt this 0 advertisement Smith has in tho personal per-sonal column Come back and Ill be kinder When did his wife leave do you know It Isnt his wife LOlgnon an w swered Its his cook a Not Evenly Matched 9 Have you anything to say why sentence should not ho pronounced I upon you naked tho judge Nothing your honor except that I hopo you will make allowance for the fact that tho lawyer who convicted me had n louder voice than tho ono who defended mo Milwaukee Sentinel Over and Over Well said Morrell speaking of tho demise of n mutual friend a man can only die once and I dont know about that Interrupted Inter-rupted Wiseman lOr see by the papers that tho youngest drummer boy to enter tho union service Is dead again Their Intelligence Ah they scorn to ho two souls with but n single thought remarked tho sndfncpd man eyeing tho couple on their honeymoon Well said the bachelor 1 sometimes some-times think they havo oven loss than that Him FYInstance The Downy One Bah Jove y know they used to tax men who raised mustaches in Queen Elizabeths time The Pretty One Well It appears to tax some men I know to do It now Great Provocation You say madam that you wore under great excitement when you struck this woman Yes she had just found tbo family Bible with my nee In It it ETiITTITi In Effect Why Sllbbles wo say to our friend In surprise when wo see him 1 pulling at n big tat cigar didnt you swear off smoking tho first of tho year Didnt you vow not to amok another cigar for five years un Yes ho replies blowing out a huge cloud of smoke Yes I did and say It seems to mo to bo about ten years since I swore off Almost Talk about dreams coming truoI 1 dreamed last night that a burglar en terod my room took my watch from the dresser and sneaked out before I could catch him I woke up Jumped out of bed and looked for the watch Was it gono No but It was going Johns Limb Itatlons Do you think John will grow any taller I hope not Why lies almost too tall now for his fathers old pants One of the Many HicksDoes site take in boarders Wicks Shh Dont speak so loud But between you and mo take In i Is just tho phrase rvwvw Unexpected Indorsement Uncle Jerry Peebles was looking over the list of amended spellings recommended by tho reformers Good land ho exclaimed I dont seo nothln strange In them words Thats tho way Ive anus spelled em A Pearl She Harry In department storolIow would this book Gems of Thought do for Belles birthday Maude Im afraid that Belle is Illtifo given to thoughts of gems So He Might 1 ECO that Edison Indorses this now schema of special foods to stimulate stim-ulate tho brain to do certain lines of workThat That so Yes but hell havo to make a dam onstrntlon of Its efficacy before I Invest In-vest But what sort of n demonstration could lio make that would be conclusive con-clusive Ho might eat n hunk of angol food nnd Invent n flying machine Probably What nro you crying for I fell down on tho Ice and papa laughed at me But thats nothing to cry about lOr know It and I aint crying about that but papa foil down on the Ice and I laughed at him Well I wouldnt cry about that either You would If you got the spankln I got Houston Post Take a Bottle or Two Rimer Have you read any of those versified advertisements Im writing for Phlsslcks Pink Panacea Pan-acea Crlttlck Yes and they make mesick me-sick nimer Good Thats the effect I want them to have It helps the sale of the Panacea Wedded to His Art What has become of punkllne the poetOh Oh hos quit tho poetry business and gono Into tho artificial gas business busi-ness Why did he do that He was Just determined to make his fortune scanning meters Kansas Kan-sas City Times Best He Could Do You know said tho young man In tho case that I am poor but dont you think wo might bo able to live on bread and cheese and kisses Yes replied the fair maid but Then he Interrupted see If you can work your father for the bread and cheese nnd Ill attend to tho rest Dilution Farmers announced tho fair visitor visi-tor from tho city are Just as dishonest dis-honest as city milkmen How dye make that out asked her host Why I saw your hired man this morning water every one of the cows before ho milked them Nothln Doln Jacll proposed to Miss Straight loco tho other evening and sho Insisted In-sisted on my giving up drinking smoking and automobiling on Sundays Sun-days TomWell JaclSo I gave up tho Idea of marrying mar-rying her One of Its Uses After nil said the moralizer whats tho good of money anyway Well replied the demoralizer It enables n man who has It to keep away from tho people from whom ho could not keep away If t he didnt have It 91pfI iPld h t IiI i I I I ll l I 1 I I rQ II I I d I I I f II I t f r I i F 1JI V l I y w t v i vI I MarI hear Miss Olden la engages to n man who stammers JaneYes Ho was trying to say dear me but oho didnt let him get any further than dear r ovo Just a Crank What did that new arrival want asked St Peter Ho asked me Jf I knew where he could get hold of four old halos re plied the attendant angel He says he wants to try and build an auto A Mistake In Lives Arent you afraid Mabel to spend your life with that sixtyyearold duf ferMn Mn el looking over her trousseau His life mother not mine I Tho St Petersburg correspondent of tho London Graphic Informs his paper pa-per that a curious armor protected motor car has Just been conveyed from the Varsas Petersburg railway station to tho town The automobile I was built In Franco specially for tho I Russian government In St Petersburg I Peters-burg everybody says the machine was ordered In view of tee street fighting and the fact that tide heavy automobile automo-bile armed with two machine guns could not travel on tho bad Russian roads adds color to tho suggestion Another suggestion Ii that tho now car Is Intended for the use of the czar when he goes to the douma |