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Show GUITE PREJUDICED. Two Vinltors Fran Mutl Don't I.lko Suit I.nkrnnil Keturu 11imd4 Dii.KUslt.il. My wife and I have it in for The I Times which allured us to vi.-it Salt j Lake City hy its constant praise of her I attractions. Maria has lived all her life (I was going to give the number of i years but refrain as she is touchy on the subject) in Manti and 1 expected the sights of the metropolis would lake her breath away, and sure enough they did. As for myself I urn used to the grandeur of metropolitan cities, having once visited Ogdeii and Provo in tow of a real estate agent. Besides a big cotton umbrella and a duster I carried a valet tilled with seventeen dollars in notes and some loose change in my pants' pocket. Times had been rather prosperous with us down in Manti aud I made up my mind to give Maria a treat if it took t he whole lump of my hoodie. What's the uso of living, anyway, if yon haven't got a good time once in a while. Maria and I never quarrel, because it is not safe for me to try it, and so when she insisted that we put on somu stylo while visiting in Salt Lake I gave right in and put up at a first-class hotel where they charged us two 81. 00 pel-day pel-day for hoard and lodging. Jeiniuny but doesn't it cost a pile of money to travel? When my neighbors in Manti hear of my extravagance they will think old Jeremiah Fresh is going mad. The first morning after our arrival I took Maria to seo a motor car. You could not get to see a thing like that if you lived in Mauti a hundred years. Maria said they ought to send one of theso wonderful machines that runs without steam or horses, to the Chicago fair and it would be the greatest great-est sight there. In my own enthusiasm I told her that the machine would run twenty-live miles an hour and then not feel it. Unfortunately for me tho conductor con-ductor just at this juncture dropped in remarking in a nonchalant sort of way, like one used to that kind of business: "Wire down," and we stopped running. run-ning. All the people in the car bolted out except Maria and the undersigucd. We sat there ten minutes waiting and then another ten minutes wondering, until finally she remarked flippantly: "Whereabout is your twenty-live miles speed, Mr. Fresh I have just been calculating cal-culating whether you or this hero machine ma-chine is the greater fraud of the two." This uncalled for remark hurt my feelings, feel-ings, but I am a discreet man, aud so I preferred to say nothing. The following day I determined to give Maria a real treat by taking her out to Uariield beach. As it was only fourteen blocks from our hotel to the depot we determined to walk and save tho ten cents fare. It was very hot that ; dav, and each block seemed to be tw'ue j the size of my farm, so we had to step j out prelty lively to get there in time, but we succeeded pretty well. In fact we had an hour and three quarlers to spare, as the boss at the station loll us tho time table didn't count, and the trains were running whenever they could and not oftencr. At the beach Maria was shocked, and so was I, but I got over it pretty quick whilo Maria never will, I fear. She blamed me for it nil, and said if 1 wanted to lake her to a pool full of nvmphs I should have said so and spared her modesty, aud then she went on to call mo some pretty haul names like vile sinner and gay deceiver de-ceiver and old villain. Lordlwasu'tl glad to get back from that cussed excursion! ex-cursion! The next time I go to another show like that I'll leave the old woman at home and tell her it is necessary for me to attend a secret meeting of men only. It takes a good deal of shrewd diplomacy to get around Maria. We expected to do a good denl of shopping with our money while in town and as my wifo wanted to invest in some articles not intended for tho profane eye of men, 1 hung around tho stores while she was inside shopping. Pretty soon a gentleman with brass buttons and autnority came along and told mo ho warned mo to go with him. I told him I didn't know him and couldn't spare the lime just then anyway, any-way, but ho was persistent and as he had a club he had also tho advantage, advan-tage, and I went. He said I the. identical chap he had been looking for all these many davs and several days, too, aud it was about time the city was rid of a few vugs and desperadoes like me. I assured as-sured him on my oath I was nothing but a plain farmer, and not the lea dangerous, and that 1 never before intruded in-truded myself upon the honorable police, po-lice, but he declared I was a liar and thrust me into the cooler. I hail heard it said before that great cities were not fit for honest people to live in, but I never believed it until this moment. About six hours later I was introduced intro-duced to a bland gentleman with a philanthropic smile on Ins smooth countenance, named Judire l.auev, and he was the first person in town who had a kind word for a lone stranger like me "Mr. Fresh," he said, sort of chiid-like, "yon are discharged, and ruav go home if you ph ase." f did go home, if yon please. In a hurry, expecting to tell Maria how near I escaped from the gallows, and then xhc would throw her plump and loving , arms around my nee and crv. .viv dear, poor and only Jerry." and we.-p copious salt tears down my shirt collar. But she didn't do anything of the kind. On tl contrary, she impeached my veracitv, and hurt my sensitive soul to the quick. "Mr. Fresh'she remarked in a high solo voice, mixed profu-ly with cayenne pepper, "your u'rrl too thin. You may deceive the marines, ma-rines, but yon cannot dec-ive n.e. 1 h citv has turned your hoary h'-"'1 rn' pletelv, and corrupted you. W e 11 back to Manti on the first train and the next lime you talk to me about the great things to be seen in Malt Lake. . . two Willi- cnemie for M. IH yon hear that, Mr. Fresh? Meantime I will consider whether to apply for a divorce from vou or not." T And so it came to pass that I returned re-turned to Manti a di-ffiiaU-l and -bsap-pointed man. Jekemiah IhksH. |