Show I HUMAN WHISKY BARRELS Bibulous Westerners Who Fear time Approach of Fire i There is a reign of terror in Ionia Mich among men who drink whisky and a revival of temperance on a large I scale is confidently expected It all came about through an accident with fatal results I re-sults which happened to George Watts the other day Watts was well known all through this region and many astonishing aston-ishing stories are told of his love for whisky and his capacity for his favorite beverage It was currently reported that he had imbibed several distilleries during his career and Mr Watts approach was always heralded by an odor of rye that made old topers feel good and filled the hearts of temperance people with pity Mr Watts and a half a dozen other convivial residents of the village were sitting around Dobsons saloon last night arranging the policy of the Democratic party for the fall campaign and incidentally inci-dentally keeping the bartender on a trot in supplying them with whisky Mr Watts had just signified his willingness to accept the postmaster of Ionia as soon as the present incumbent is turned out when John Farrell requested the favor of a light from his cigar Mr Watts was sitting upon the upturned end of a whisky barrel He put his hand in his coat pocket and pulled forth a lucifer match Then he struck it against the side of the empty barrel There was a terrific explosion ex-plosion which was heard all over the village vil-lage and Mr Watts was sent flying skywards sky-wards The barroom was set on fire and the crowd rushed for the door leaving the unfortunate Mr Watts to his fate I The fire was soon extinguished and it was I I found that Mr Watts was burned to death Great excitement followed and the spectators were divided in their opinions as to what had exploded Mr Dobson asserted firmly that it was not the empty whisky barrel because his whisky would not explode and he declared de-clared that it was Mr Watts himself who had been blown up This theory found many supporters and the temperance I advocates at once seized upon it and held Mr Watts fate up as a warning to others The effect upon the habitual drinkers is astonishing Uncle Daniel Jordan a wellknown farmer of bibulistic tendencies tenden-cies fell in a fit today when his hired man struck a match in his vicinity All the whiskydrinkers have sworn off smoking and will not go near an open fire for fear of exploding This will do well enough in this weather said John Farrell tonight but when winter comes we shall all be liable to freeze to death The whisky drinkers are resorting to every available means to get the liquor out of their systems Some of them have drank three and four barrels of water each since the explosion of Mr Watts and Uncle Daniel Jordan has kept the hired man busy all the afternoon playing the hose on him The sight of a lighted cigar is sufficient to cause them to leap into the river and Barkeeper Dobson says that he will close up his saloon until he scare blows over I |