Show Welcome to UT Thomas Stuyvesant Contributing Writer wing ding n. n 1 I. a term tenn used to describe an upper-class upper arrogant young man between the ages of 13 and 22 Tends to pretend he is hard yet is scared of his own shadow SIl syn square wood normal genuine ex Look at those windings hanging out at the Wendy's Vendy's parking lot When I come home from a hard day of work I look forward to being greeted by a half pound half pound turkey sandwich sandwich sandwich sand sand- a lime lemon-lime Gatorade and some Family Guy DVD's that provide provide pro pro- provide vide just enough comedic relief to get me through the rest of the day But the reality is that I live in UT and must first successfully successfully successfully suc suc- complete the gauntlet of Holladay City bad boys' boys before realizing my dreams of gluttony If you live in the area you know what I mean If you dont don't more power to you Sadly my daily drive home from work takes me past Colby and Derrick examples victims of tragic trag trag- ic life stories that give them their hard core edge These two are the products of a six- six figure income family who can afford to provide them with a lifted Jeep Wrangler and a dropped Volkswagen Jetta respectively but couldn't provide the money necessary necessary necessary sary for tints that would conceal their glares of hatred Notice I said glares and not glances No these wearing visor-wearing feel it necessary to share their heartbreaking heartbreak heartbreak- ing stories of second-rate second watercrafts watercrafts watercrafts water- water crafts and luxurious time-shares time through their eyes from the second secondI I drive into focus until my garage door hits the concrete behind me Like a golden retriever marking its territory in the neighbors neighbor's yard these viscous dogs forever remind me that this is their hood and Im I'm paying rent by staying out of their way However one day not long ago I found myself on the losing end of a tight budget and decided I wasn't going to pay rent this month Nor Northis Northis Northis this year Nor ever again So I took the walk up Hard Core Drive to pay paya a visit to my landlords There they were just as I suspected them lounging in the garage Linkin Park was emanating out of Colby's Wrangler and echoing throughout the neighborhood Derrick was tying his Swiss K-Swiss shoes or kicks if you will and carefully situating each shelled bead on his necklace Out of the corner of my eye I saw Colby straitening his baby blue polo shirt his matching Nike band arm r 2 fl Z S 'S Sr I c i 4 r 1 f y r a w 44 Austin Lyle of Holladay Utah stands sporting the clothes and gear commonly associated with and polishing his gage earrings As AsI I neared closer the humbled duo were now practicing dance routines while complimenting each other with nice move bro in hardened tones undoubtedly acquired from their days of roughing it on their single single single sin sin- gle acre of property off off Valker Walker Lane When I reached the base of their driveway I contradictorily expected a heated confrontation or the breathtaking breathtaking breathtaking breath breath- taking scene of a gopher scurrying back into its hole Lucky for me being a smaller guy the latter occurrence occurrence occurrence occur occur- rence prevailed Colby and Derrick were dumbfounded at my keen abil abil- ity to unmask their ridiculous fa facades ades and put them in their place Their large rich this-is-my-daddy's this place So now readers I urge you all to tomake tomake tomake make the trip to UT locations all over the valley an and d bask in some of the best entertainment entertainment entertainment entertain entertain- ment you will ever see There is n no need to go the movies anymore Yo Yocan You Youcan Youcan u can save your money for the best bes t showing is free and likely at your you r front door door- just door just make sure you watch h rh with caution to prevent stomach h cramps from laughing so hard a at t these lost souls |