Show Addicted To Love By Rachel Warner Arts Editor When is enough enough There are arc addictions to smoking alcohol alcohol alcohol alco alco- hol and narcotics but an addiction addiction addiction addic addic- tion to a person most dont don't think it is the same but it is According to Howard M. M Halpern's book How to break an addiction to a person the tensions tensions tensions ten ten- and chemical changes caused by stress can throw any of your organ systems out of kilter can drain your energy and lower your resistance to all manner of unfriendly bugs And often it can drive one to the overuse of unhealthy escapes such as alcohol alcohol alcohol alco alco- hol amphetamines barbiturates narcotics tranquilizers reckless pursuits and even overt suicidal acts Even if there were no real threat to your health staying too long in a relationship that is deadening or deadly can cloud your life with frustration anger emptiness and despair How do you know when a relationship is a dead end though There certainly certainly certainly arent aren't any big yellow signs ahead of time which point you in inthe inthe inthe the right direction These sort of attachments to people who are painfully unattainable perhaps because they are committed to someone else or do not want a committed relationship or are simply incapable of one are dead end signs right off the bat Although it t is hard to see at first and many of us even though the signs are there choose to put on our blinders end up getting in a situation where two mismatched partners are basically on such different wavelengths there is little common common common com com- mon ground little important communication and little enjoyment enjoyment enjoyment enjoy enjoy- ment of each other or with each other Remaining in a bad relationship relationship relationship relation relation- ship can be an ongoing personal tragedy for all involved Often See LOVE LOVEon on page 6 LOVE continued from page 3 the reason people do not find a satisfying relationship is because of their inability to let go of an irreparably unsatisfying one and move on Easier said then done right Or is it People find that they are unable to leave a relationship even though they can see that it is bad for them Their best judgment judgment judgment judg judg- ment and their self-respect self tell them to end it but often to their 1 dismay they hang on states 1 Something in them wants out When referring to the term tenn addiction in his book Halpern points out that he does not use u nM h that term symbolically or metaphorically Not only is it possible but it is extremely common common common com com- mon for one person in a love relationship relationship rela rela- relationship to become addicted to the other Stanton Peele in his book Love and Addiction recognized recognized recognized rec rec- rec- rec the addictive nature of some love relationships He reviewed many studies of drug addictions and noted a frequent conclusion the addicting element is not so much in the substance such as alcohol or tobacco butin but butin butin in the person who is addicted In love relationships he found this addictive element takes the form fonn of a compelling need to 1 connect with and to remain connected connected connected con con- with a particular person But is this need always an addiction addiction addiction addic addic- tion Why call it an addiction at atall atall atall all Why not simply call it love or preference or a sense of commitment commitment commitment com com- Well because it It is almost a sickness When losing losing losing los los- ing someone whether it is a up break-up or a death there is going to be a grieving process which is normal There is physical cal pain the chest stomach and abdomen weeping sleep disturbances disturbances disturbances bances irritability depression and the feeling that there is no place to go and no way to end the discomfort except to go back to the old person In Halpern's book it explains there are certain signs when you are in a relationship that contain addictive elements and have become so large and so controlling controlling controlling control control- ling they destroy your capacity to direct your own life In the same way an alcoholic must begin to journey to sobriety by admitting I am an alcoholic people who recognize these signs need to understand they also may maybe maybe maybe be suffering from being addicted to a person This is the essential first step in understanding the basis of an addiction in seeing how it works and in becoming free enough of it so that you can decide whether you wish to work to improve the relationship to accept it as it is or if you can neither accept it or improve it to simply leave it If you feel you may be suffering suffering suffering suffer suffer- ing from being addicted to a person person person per per- son Howard M. M Halpern's book How to break an addiction to a person is a great self-help self book Dr Deborah Phillips's How to fall out of love teaches hot to free yourself of love that hurts- hurts And find love that heals C O |