Show KARL MALONE FOR GOVERNOR SAY WHAT By Nate Dowdle Opinion Editor So Karl Malone has hinted he would like to run for governor eh I say all the more power to him After all dont don't we already have an ex- ex athlete actor as a governor in Minnesota Jesse Ventura has been doing a wonderful job in office although his stint as color analyst for the was a bomb Or what about President Ronald Reagan Wasn't he an actor during the prime of his life Apart from Iran-Contra Iran and the economy didn't he do a good job Why do I include actors Karl was the star of a Porter Rockwell documentary Of course there are flaws in Karls Karl's platform Everyone has them All he has right now for those who are unaware is the Im going to tell you how it is without any BS line That's all good and well Karl but here are a few r extra things you could include First make it so everyone in the state has to own at least two firearms This way everyone could go hunting with you and you would never need a hunting hunting hunting hunt ing buddy Secondly your first act in office would be a law saying all who live within state boundaries would be required to speak in the third person After all we know that Karls going to do what Karls Karl's going to do Finally you could do yourself a favor by making guys like Peter and Bill Walton official outlaws This way we can round em up and throw em in inthe inthe inthe the slammer stammer when they come to the Delta Center to call a game Of course the penalty for disobeying disobeying disobeying dis dis- dis- dis obeying any of these new laws would be a row front-row seat at an upcoming Jazz contest As for Malones Malone's cabinet once he is sworn in he could use some help from his Jazz teammates Of course John Stockton would be his campaign manager as well as his Deputy Governor Nothing g would change Stock would do all the dirty work while Malo Malone e received the glory Also would be in charge of the Hazardous Waste Commission DeShawn Stevenson could be over Juvenile Delinquency and Andrei Kirilenko would be in inc c charge arge of the Office of Energy Services Heck Karl lets let's bring back Olden Polynice and make mak him Sheriff or even head of the Motor Vehicle Enforcement Division And what about making making making mak mak- ing a trade for Jason Kidd so we can make him head over the Spouse Domestic Abuse Violence Division OK that one was taking it too far I apol apol- In any case I think v i. i rrt i Karl Malone on vacation at Disney World photo by Allen Matheson Karl Malone would be a great governor In fact I have the first slogan for him Like a true chicken I l have no nuggets Ill I'll slap it on few posters for Malone and start parading through town with it It will sure get the peo peo- pIes pIe's attention Good luck in the race for the next governor Karl And by the way here are two more hints you already missed the the deadline for the 2004 election and the media is your friend i A |