Show 1 S S b INSIGNIFICANT FACTS By Jeff Mack Mackay ay S Points West Staff I V The question has been posed What is the purpose of your column olumn Insignificant Facts r Answer Its a aslam aslam aslam slam Its It's a punch in the ego of anyone who takes themselves themselves themselves them them- selves too seriously If a person person person per per- son is offended by what they read in it then that person needs to do some re eval The goal of Insignificant Insignificant Insignificant facts is to relieve some tension in the readers whether they are laughing at the material material material mat mat- erial or at me for taking their time with this trash There is far too much pressure in day dayto to day life not to have a few moments to chuckle Did you know that toads have water-tight water ears Yes modern technology has come through once again Many years of research and countless thousands of dollars have revealed one of natures nature's most bizarre secrets Why just the other day I 1 was speaking ng to Mother Natures Nature's first cousin cousin cousin cou cou- sin Nathaniel Nature about toads and other things that go bump in the night Old Nat was saying how proud he and ma were of a new line of telephone trees they had devised devised devised devis devis- ed for the phone company Reportedly they are forty orty feet tall and have no limbs or branches Also they only grow near roads something to do do with asphalt deposits I 1 sup sup- pose Here s 's the inside scoop on f the flag football By way of of careful calculations over a steaming lunch o of goat soup the obvious winners were picked pic Other teams beware beware Sergeant Sergeant Guts and his super troopers should take things hands down Guts and the boys are veterans o of many such campaigns and should be approached with the utmost cau caution lion The only team that could beat them will be when the nursing department meets them head on This will occur about the same time that the nurses will be learning the principles behind sedation in injections injections injections in- in so Guts you'd better cover you flanks As for or television awards the least-appetizing least award goes to the children of the Cheese family fam ily who are seen far ar too often on the screen surrounding surrounding sur stir rounding their famous cheeseburger cheeseburger cheeseburger cheese burger the Mighty l As Asfor Asfor Asfor for some behind the scenes information on the Cheese Kids the fact is that these fledglings fledglings' are not children at atall atall atall all but actually trained midgets midgets midgets mid mid- gets who were once mauch lins in the Wizard of Oz The four girls who stand behind the might-bite might are named Meaty Beaty Big and bouncy for forone forone forone one reason or another They can be seen singing Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese and then then And And a slice o of f ripe re-ripe tomato is suddenly burst upon upon upon up up- on the viewer by two from puberty knows where as Fric and Frac The en entire tire commercial commercial commercial com com- mercial adds up to zero which is more than I 1 can say for the mighty The antidote for forit it may be found at all drug counters everywhere 1 |