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Show Si i- .... : '"'') Cyclops Lighter Side By Bryan Gray Vivian gets 'quarantined' The telephone rang. It was Carole Kimball of Davis High School. "Mr. Cyclops," she said. "We request your presence at a very important function." "I'm awfully expensive, Miss Kimball." "Oh, but this will be an experience, Mr. Cyclops. :.I bet that in your entire life you have never been invited to an official quarantine." She was right ! So last Friday I joined the United States Army and several Davis High faculty members in a quarantine of a Bountiful apartment. And now, the rest of the story: The assistant principal of Davis High, Vivian Stapley, had surgery some 10 days ago, causing her to miss one entire week of the school year. During that week, Miss Kimball and staff members Marian Storey remembered several of Vivian's previous pre-vious pranks. ("I can recall when Marian and Vivian sent an entire group of student body officers over to my house one night," said Carole. "Those Two Musketeers were just trying to disturb me.") And Marian and Carole decided to do Vivian one better. They contacted U.S. Army Sgt. Allan Silberstein who arranged for an official "quarantine" of Vivian home ("Health Hazard," "Hazardous Zone," "Warning-AIDS Carrier"). Then they called Cyclops to conduct the official examination. The surprised Mrs. Stapley received the quarantine contingent contin-gent with calm and understanding. "Now you realize, Mrs. Stapley, that you have been determined deter-mined to be a threat to the health of others." "You're kidding." "Oh, no. And in order to alert others who may have come into contact with you, I must ask you the following questions. First, name those whom you've seen within the past week." She listed Davis High administrators Richard Stevenson and Gerald Purdy. "And how close a contact did you have with these two?" "Just a little passing tweek on the cheek," she said. One of the militia standing next to me asked, "And how about Salt Lake County Attorney Ted Cannon?" Mrs. Stapley grinned and said, "I haven't got around to him yet-but give me time." "Getting back to the facts, Mrs. Stapley. In order to determine deter-mine the extent of the health threat, we ask you to state your sexual preference." "We'll know all the answers soon," said one of the militia. "The lab results will be forthcoming." His statement saved the embarassment for Mrs. Stapley. But she wasn't saved any of the joy. "It's great that they thought enough of me to come down here and pull this stunt," she said. "But I should be back to school very soon-and I'll get even!" The Army left along with the "lab technicians." Only one teacher remained. "Before I leave this house, I have a question," she said to Mrs. Stapley. "Ask it." "Which bathroom should I avoid using? I don't want to sit on the same potty as a disease carrier." It was time for Cyclops to leave, too. ifilBSSjIisr i ,Jif ill VIVIAN STAPLEY RELAXES from the "shock" of being "quarantined" by the U.S. Army. But it was all just a prank pulled by her friends, and Vivian is now relaxing comfortably, comfort-ably, recuperating from recent surgery. |