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Show Kathleen Norris Says: Forgiveness in Marriage Bell Syndicate. WNU Features. Presently hostesses are saying, "And I'll ask a nice man for you, Ivy." It always turns out to be Phil Larrimore, the greatest bore in the whole circle. By KATHLEEN NORRIS WHEN our children are little we give them certain cer-tain nursery rules of living. They don't believe them, but they believe us. Later on we again give them the benefit of our experience and belief. This time they don't believe either. For example, when you tell a restless, discontented, disillusioned young wife that she will make a grave mistake if she divorces her husband, she flatly doesn't believe you. Harry, whom she married with such radiant hope and confidence confi-dence only seven years ago, has turned out to be a completely unsatisfactory un-satisfactory partner. They just don't seem to speak the same language or want the same things any more. Ivy has always hated divorce and God knows she hates" it now, but anything's better than to have a little boy growing up with a father and mother who have stopped loving each other, and hearing quarrels all the time. Lots of Ivy's friends are divorced, and they seem much happier hap-pier and freer! She'll make it up to little John. Harry agrees to the divorce. Ivy rushes ahead with it. There isn't any happiness at this point, nor any freedom, for new responsibilities and annoyances surge into the gaps left by the old ones, and are worse than they. The close friends who advised Ivy hot to put up with Harry's Har-ry's goings-on now draw discreetly away; they don't remember ever having said anything against poor old good-natured Harry. They ask him to dinner. They all feel sorry for poor little John. Ivy has nervous talks with her lawyer. Hundreds of women go into nervous breakdown at this point. Ivy hates business. She hates John's Innocent talk of his father. She hates deciding what to do with John. She misses affection, approval, cooperation coopera-tion from her own circle. So she marries again. She marries a man exactly like Harry, only with a different outside. "All very well," writes Anna, from Palm Beach. "But what about actual infidelity? I've been married 17 years. When we had been married mar-ried about five, and had two girls, Archie had an affair with his office clerk, a divorced' woman 10 years older than he. I was sickly, weak, I needed him terribly and he was wonderfully tender with me, and I forgave him but I watched! Our son was born, everything went on well for another few years, and then four years ago, it began all over again. This time it was also an older woman, whom he saw whenever when-ever business took him to a city a thousand miles away. I found the letter that told the whole story, immediately im-mediately got a divorce. Since then I've worked, helped financially by alimony and domestically by my two girls. What would you have advised ad-vised in this case? "My girls and boy love their father, fa-ther, he takes them off alternate week-ends, makes them presents. They don't discuss it, but they blame me, and I know it. I have never been happy, I didn't expect to be. But there is justice in this world, IS DIVORCE WISE? How much should a wife endure before she turns for relief re-lief to the divorce courts? This is a problem that many women have to face at some stage in their married life. Maybe it's just a vague discontent, a feeling feel-ing of neglect, or a realization that the glamour of the first years have fled or it may be a serious injustice, as in this case discussed in this issue. She had been married about five years when she discovered that her husband was unfaithful. unfaith-ful. She forgave him that time. He was otherwise an excellent husband and father a good provider, and affectionate. About ten years later he again wandered from the path of virtue. vir-tue. She immediately got a divorce, di-vorce, giving up her luxurious home and secure social posU tion. Although she received alimony, she had to work to support the three children. Somehow, she wonders if divorce di-vorce was the right move. The children still love their father, and see him often. Their friends and neighbors seem to sympathize with him. Justice is on her side, but hers was a hollow victory, it now appears. there is right and wrong. Is a good faithful wife to condone what belittles and insults her, and let a man get away with this sort ol thing? We had a lovely home, I had a faithful and beloved colored helper, help-er, my children had infinitely better social prospects than they have now. Who is to blame for this change, Archie or I? I acted as I thought I was entirely justified in acting. Was I right?"" My answer is no, you weren't right. In marriage in true marriage mar-riage there must be forgiveness for everything, even that. A wife needn't love the sin, but she must forgive the sinner. She can pity his weakness that stupid male weakness weak-ness of the spirit and flesh alike, that so loves flattery! She can be thankful in her soul that she kept her vow if he didn't have strength enough to keep his. She can accept his apologies and promises with dignity dig-nity and not too much belief. And she can keep the home -together, live for her children, friends, books, garden, kitchen, clubs a thousand normal interests. She can simply close one door of her heart, the glory of young love and trust. Many a loving elderly man and his wife, rightly proud of their fine children, their home, their place in society, have passed this crisis. Wives have faults, too. Nagging, extravagance, ex-travagance, crossness, neglect ol the children, selfishness these are the grave faults that many a good husband has to forgive. Infidelity is the bitterest cross a wife ever has to bear. It outrages everything that is sacred in her wifely love. But it isn't good cause for ruining several lives. It isn't good cause for breaking up a home. Nothing is. An affair with his clerk. . . , |