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Show REPORTED BY THE GROUCH Here the Original Hiram J. Tells of His Attendance at a Country "Function." "Having nothing else to do," remarked re-marked the old codger, "I attended a function while I was over at Tor-pidville Tor-pidville the other day. The affair was held in a dispirited grove at the end of a road in which every time a horse popped down his foot the dust shot up in the air like a skyrocket. A band was playing without the slightest remorse. A statesman, with a neck as wrinkled as a pickle, droned dron-ed forth redundant nonenities without with-out end. A sad and rickety merry-go-wabble wound 'round and 'round to the sound of its own plaintive pee-dle-deedle. In a tipsy pavilion a hoarse person was endeavoring to sell, in brazen defiance of the pure food and drug act, what looked alarmingly like horned toads fried in axle-grease. A gentleman in a striped tent near by hoarsely stated that he preferred to eat snakes at ten cents per serpent. ser-pent. There was the usual balloon which seemed perfectly, willing to do anything but go up. Scattered around through the festal scene were a few old soldiers, grumbling: a smattering of farmers, also grumbling; sundry honest voters, likewise grumbling; and various other folks, nothing about whom is worth mentioning except that they, too, were grumbling. It may have been a reunion, a fair, a rally, a picnic, or what-not; but whatever what-ever they chanced to call it, 'twas an excellent example of one of our most cherished institutions." Kansas City Star. |