OCR Text |
Show iWM I George MacDonald, who just sold the Roney-Plaza Hotel, says he read it here, but we don't recall it. The difference between Palm Beach and Miami Beach is the difference between be-tween the social register and the cash register. At the Newspaper Guild Canteen hostess was dancing with a Coast Guardsman. When the music stopped, he pulled out routine 77B and said: "Now let's sit down and talk about you." They sat and he put an arm around her. "I get it," she said, "I see you talk with your hands." "Honey," he grinned, "I'm only whispering now." Mrs. Albert Einstein visited the astronomical observatory atop Mt. Wilson and asked about the giant telescope. "We use it," she was told, "to discover the shape of the universe." "My husband," said the famed scientist's wife, "does the same thing on the back of an envelope." A Major told this one to the cadets ca-dets at Yale the other day. He said General Giraud and Lt. Gen. Clark were discussing the best possible pos-sible places for setting up staff headquarters head-quarters in combat zones . . . The youthful Clark recommended a certain cer-tain distance from the firing lines, but the older Giraud shook his head and said: "Too far back. I like to be right up there on the line." "But, sir," said Clark, "you were captured twice." Shortly after the Sullivan parents of Waterloo (Iowa) learned of the loss of their five sons aboard the cruiser "Juneau," they visited Washington, Wash-ington, where they volunteered to do anything to complete the job their boys had started. A tour of defense de-fense plants was arranged. "Mom" Sullivan (after a lifetime in Waterloo) suddenly found herself a lady of leisure. There was plenty to keep her busy (with ten and twelve defense plants scheduled), yet she missed the little tasks of cleaning the house, getting breakfast, break-fast, etc. One morning when the Navy Lieutenant Lieu-tenant (who accompanied them) called at her hotel room in Chicago he found Mom making the beds. She confessed she had been tipping chambermaids (throughout the country) coun-try) for permitting her to make the beds herself. "I just wanted to keep my hand in," she said. My favorite gag dealt with funny man Tait (Tait's motoring act) who dreaded coming to the U. S. from London where he was always a riot. Martin Beck persuaded Tait to come here assuring him he'd click. To get Tait used to American audiences they booked him first at Yonkers, N. Y., where he laid a frightful omelet ome-let at his first appearance. Next afternoon (sauntering along the main street there) Tait paused at a fish store window. As he studied stud-ied a huge dead mackerel, with eyes staring blankly and mouth wide open, Tait exclaimed: " 'Eaven's above! Thet reminds meh! Hi 'ave a matinee!" Will Rogers in 1927: The best way to describe Russia is, Russian men wear their shirts hanging outside their pants. Well, any nation that don't know enough to stick their shirt-tail in will never get anywhere. I am the only person that ever wrote on Russia that admits he don't know a thing about it. On the other hand, I know as much about Russia as anybody that ever wrote about it. Raymond Paige relays it via a pal in London. It's about the Air Corps officer assigned to a desk job. He objected to fliers getting extra pay for flying time. "Why should you get more?" he barked at a Texas pilot. "We're all in this war together!" "I know," drawled the Texan, "but who ever heard of two desks crashing head-on?" Variety, discussing the chilly reception re-ception given actors in Pittsburgh, recalls when Katharine Cornell appeared ap-peared there in "Three Sisters." j Some in the audience complained that they couldn't hear much of the ' dialog. Told this (between acts) by the stage manager, Miss Cornell retorted: re-torted: "Tell the audience we can't i hear them either." Much the same tiling happened recently when "Blithe Spirit" played there. Night before it opened, some of the troupe put on a show for , wounded soldiers at an army bos- j pitnl. After the premiere, Clifton Webb wired his agent: "Last night wo played to the wounded; tonight w played to the dead!" Van Itoven, one of ene funniet comics (always a riot at the Palace on Broadway), used to warn others about the opening matinee audience at North Adams, Mass. "They sit down front," Van used to scream, "mid devour their young!" Autobiography: A lhoiidway book-lug book-lug agent (noted for his rodent-like past) wus naked why he hired an assistant noted for being even rat-I rat-I tier. "(lh," whs the reply, "ho's tlio heel I used to be." |