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Show v(fH.I.Phillipr Till: TIUAL OF IlKRMANN (;i:iun; Q. You are eliarni-d with being liiiitlf.'itor and full Kupportor of nearly near-ly every foul crime committed onahKit civilization In the Kuropcan wa r. A. (In Hurprlse) Who? Me? Q. You ure further charged with being the rli;hthand man to Adolf Hitler, with concurring In all his de-cl.'ilons de-cl.'ilons and with directing the ruthless ruth-less use of airplanes againnt defenseless de-fenseless peoples and communities. A. It must bo some mistake, gentlemen. gen-tlemen. I am a good-natured man, a good fellow and at heart merely a cofttumo Jewelry collector. Q. Namo one Instance In which you opposed Nazi ruthlessness. A. Well, I was once so outraged by the blitzing of civilians that I had to quit my banquet table after the twelfth course. And I remember remem-ber an occasion when my sensibilities sensibili-ties were so disturbed by a deportation de-portation of Frenchmen as slaves that In dressing I forgot nine of my twenty-two medals. Q. Do you deny guilt for Coventry, Coven-try, Plymouth, Rotterdam, Warsaw and the horrors of London? A. I was against such acts. Q. What did you do to stop them? A. I spoke very sharply to Hitler, but you know what a low-lived, brutal, bru-tal, unspeakable, vile fellow that monster was. Q. You hold Hitler alone responsible? respon-sible? A. That filthy, merciless skunk was to blame for everything. Q. Do you think Hitler's dead? A. If I didn't do you think I would talk about him like this!!!! Q. You were associated with Der Fuehrer from his earliest days; you were In on every project; you heard and approved every proposal to destroy de-stroy Europe, did you not? A. I may have been present, bat I desire to announce that I never heard well. I am quite deaf. Q. This is the first time anybody has ever heard that alibi from you. How do you explain It? A. This Is the first time it seemed necessary to use it. O. High In the councils of the Nazis at all times, you approved the book burnings, the persecution of Jews, the pogroms, slave labor operations op-erations and blitzes, did you not? A. Nein! They broke my heart. The thought of each act of that nature na-ture outraged me. Q. Name one instance of your opposition. op-position. A. I protested a thousand times to Hitler by telephone. Q. How many times was the wire busy? A. A thousand times! Q. What did you ever do In any way to stop the atrocious treatment of war prisoners? A. I remember distinctly once cancelling a wild boar bunt, forgetting for-getting where I had put three stolen masterpieces and putting the pants of uniform B-345 on wrongside out. Q. Do you sit there and deny you were as guilty as Hitler and the rest of his henchmen in every foul outrage out-rage against human decency? A. How can you gentlemen look at me and' even suspect such a tiling? The Entire Tribunal LOOKING AT YOU MAKES IT EASIER I Quisling complained that the cell into which he was put was of a common sort and kicked because a bag containing chocolate and cognac was taken away from him. That just gives you an idea. Peter Widener has named a race horse after "Happy" Chandler, Chan-dler, the new czar of baseball. That's what we call pretty embarrassing. em-barrassing. But Mr. Chandler can always retaliate by naming a shortstop after a horse. German hopes appear to have been knocked higher than a Keitel It struck us that it was somewhat of a boost for democracy that the surrender of Germany was signec for our side by an American namec Smith. Walter Smith. And the namt sounds pretty good up against al' the German Vons-This-and-Vons Thats. If Hitler were not dead, the sight of the Stars and Stripes flying over Berchtesgaden would kill him. After the war in Europe and Japan Ja-pan there is still a job to do. This country still has the job of making peace with John L. Lewis. THE GOOD OI. D DAYS Clarence Smedley Thompson, uho died the other day at his Irving Pluct-home Pluct-home in New York, ivas our first boss. He gave us our first job as a cub reporter re-porter back home and beyond that gave us the benefit of his patient training, train-ing, sage advice and tvarm friendship H e still treasure a faded note which gave us a never-to-be-forgotten thrill. It said that "without solicitation on your part I am glad to increase your pay from S3 a week to 55, effective this week." Three a week was the starting wage in those days and it seemed a lot of money. Five dollars was something tha' made one feel in the upper brackets. |