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Show JPlL Funny LffoiJ WE KNOW THEM, TOO Smart was looking rather puzzled. "Tell me, old fellow," he said to a friend, "have you ever heard of such a thing as cold embers?" The friend shook his head vigorously. vigor-ously. "Never," he replied. "There can't be such a thing." Smart smiled artfully. "Oh, yes, there Is," he replied. "November and December they're cold enough, aren't they?" According to Custom The Usher Uey, you ! This guy says you bounced a bottle on his bean. What's the Idea? The Guest Nothin'. Only he butted but-ted In on our party an' Introduced himself as the "Human Battleship," and I thought It was time he was tested. Brooklyn Eagle. Merciless Campaigning "Several of your friends in congress con-gress are physicians." "Yes," answered Senator Sorghum, "but they are cautious doctors who prescribe only simple remedies. What we need Is a bunch of dentists who can pull teeth and administer gas." Some Like That "My wife is a good driver," boasted Jones, "and she believes In giving the man In the other car his place along the road." "iline does, too," sighed Smith, "only she seems to think his place is In the ditch." Philadelphia Bulletin. Influence "Women have assumed a position of power in politics." "Yes," answered Jliss Cayenne. "Sometimes it looks to me as if even a beauty contest had been decided by Influence rather than by merit." A Suggestion Kathryn Oh, dear ! It's so hard for me to find a fit in any kind of shoes. Kitty Ever try snowshoes? Brooklyn Eagle. Not Yet Rip Guide The green garden snakes around here are not harmful. Old Lady Aren't they as dangerous danger-ous as the ripe ones? BOTH SAD CASES Two men met after 40 years. Black I have lost my whole!.:-tune whole!.:-tune and must go hungry. White And I have beea K ! den by my doctor to drink beer:: must go thirsty we all haveonn rows Lustige Blaetter (Eerlin). Can't Blame Him Blinks How did It happen ; man in Terkins' circumstances his daughter to Europe for a jeri Jinks She had fallen In lover; a crooner, and he said he'dtfc sight rather go to the poorhonsfc have such a thing for a son-!n-!s'-Cincinnati Enquirer. i Curiosity Warsaw A young nianwasss' ed because lie was lying across s way lines near Warsaw. "Suicide?" he said, when P tioned by the police. "Certainlj:f I was Just trying to find out ! quickly a train could draw up." Tipi "C;in the stock market be f lated?" "Yes," answereJ Mr. Dusting "but you'll never stop specula'-You specula'-You can't keep lambs from t&-tips t&-tips any more tlian you " waiters." Sound Advice "You have a beautiful lride." "Yes, but we'll have to U ' bread and eluvse and kisses. "It's n nice diet, my boy, M invite too many people to oW-"-' Philadelphia Bulletin. Worthier Lot ( "I have a devoted wife and charming children, sir." . "They must be a poor ,,. they can't support you." ',ri Eagle. |