Show kathleen norris says make yourself useful living with others bell syndicate rea creatures tures J I 1 4 V 1 aa aya 4 0 a 6 1 everything I 1 do displeases my mother in law yet she never gives a baby a both bath or picks zip up a aboy atoy toy worst vorst ol of all shem she implies plies to her friends that her sort son married much beneath him by KATHLEEN NORRIS HEN a woman lives in WHEN the family of her married son she ought to I 1 me meet et that sons wife at least halfway in the matter of keeping the home serene and if the daughter in law wont come halfway she ought to go three quarters of the way or nine tenths of the way if she willing to do this then she ought not to be living there at all if she has no income and still willing to make herself an agreeable and useful member of the younger household she should get a job ah there ere are not to be sure a great many well paid easy dignified jobs tor for women past 50 but there are always bathrooms in hospitals to clean linen rooms in hotels to keep to in order older dishes in restaurants to be washed since these are simple facts and the very mothers in law themselves know that they are facts how astonishing it Is to find so many elderly women planted firmly in the homes ot of their sons making a great deal ot of trouble expecting a great deal of consideration and acting generally as though there were a great many pleasanter plea santer lives they might be leading and their remaining in the household was a sort of favor ingeborg Is a fine young woman of swedish descent who was a masseuse before her marriage she and her doctor husband have four small sons the doctors mother lives with them joes mother writes ingo inga occupied this big house alone for many years but it belon belongs to him bin when our living expenses expenses had to be stretched to take care of four children and two servants rent was a serious problem As there were about six unoccupied bedrooms here and plenty of garden space he suggested to his mother that we combine forces and at that time she was delighted with the idea I 1 was ill III for months after the twins were born bom and although I 1 was conscious of friction here and there it Is only now when I 1 am well again that I 1 realize some of the difficulties of having two mistresses distresses mi stresses in the house A troublemaker my mother in law the letter goes on Is the kind of woman who runs heffinger her finger over high surfaces or shelves or bookcases and remarks on the slightest film of dust any interruption by the children she ig nores exactly as though they were not there she criticizes me to joe as aa being too familiar with my helpers and because she saw the nurse downtown in a beauty parlor smoking a cigarette she asked me to discharge her there adno is no question ot of my discharging helga because she has been a tower of strength to me willing to make beds cook formulas wash dishes even rake leaves and wash windows her people and mine have known one another for years in the kitchen I 1 have a fine willing old chinese but he be Is lame and joes mother gets impatient with his slowness she never had bad but the one child and always had plenty ot of money handshe does not seem to realize that four small boys are a greater problem than one everything I 1 do displeases her she asks me what we are having for lunch and remarks that she win will have a sandwich downtown some where if joe Is tired and irritable before dinner she babies him she Is so 10 sorry lorry darling that you have to live in all this confusion and HALF THE WAY if 11 you are the sort of person who is careful to go hall half the way toward making life pleasant for those around you kathleen norris has a message especially for you she writes this week of those who hesitate to go three quarters of the way or even all the way wa y it if necessary toward making themselves useful and agreeable we never live completely alone she says for there are always fellow employees neighbors and others with whom we should remain on friendly terms so we must inevitably evit bly ably learn to do not only our share but a little bit more noise your mommy would have everything so quiet and orderly tor for youl but she never gives a baby a bath or picks up a toy worst of 0 au all she implies to all her friends that joe married very much beneath him 1 I think every tiling thing considered ingo inga does very well weli she will say gay or suppose we pronounce that word this way dear and she keeps telling me ot of the rich fashionable girls joe might have married also I 1 get sick of her saying when ny ray son came to live in my dear old id home on her 75 a month she keep keel up a place like this joe paid off more than in bills tor for her when we moved in seeks a solution my solution for your problem ingo inga would be the suggestion that YO you u and joe study the plan of that old house to see whether there is a possibility of dividing off a suite of two or three rooms for his mother giving her her own entrance if possible her own small kitchen unit it if it Is only a two ring gas burner and her own bathroom in a word her a own establishment this might cost some hundreds in the beginning but it would be a good ln investment vestment keeping this unreasonable woman in the house bouse she loves keeping her near her son son and grandsons but separating her housekeeping from yours once she Is removed from inevitable contact with you it Is an easy matter to say hospitably to her when you have the babies out in the morning sunshine meat caits cakes for luncheon today want to join us then if 11 she comes she comes comis by her own choice and cannot very well criticize A frank daughter ln la law the other day a young wife of my acquaintance had to write a hard letter she wrote it to the jealous critical unreasonable woman who is her husbands mother in effect it said because I 1 have protected you my husband and my little girls love Y you ou but I 1 am going to protect you no longer please dont come to my house again unless adu you can retrain from heckling nay my foreign born wonderful father who has been for or forty years a loyal american please never again ask my nurse whether my husband and I 1 ever quarrel please eat what is served at my table as you would eat whatever is served at the to table ble ot of any friend please dont tell my daughters mama Is unreasonable and nervous when I 1 correct them please dont tell my son that his cifes neglect of him is town talk confident of his partisanship the mother in law dramatically showed this letter to her son H he read it through with a serious face read it again then he took a pencil from his pocket and marked it with a big check |