Show kathleen norris says dont ma marry rry a man to change him bell syndicate service ow 0 N lie he never rises rues when a stands up to leave the table he take of q his an hat ia when women are in in site is elevator or pull out my chair in short he is a rough diamond by KATHLEEN NORRIS THE HE fears of a girl be tous fore she takes the seri ous step of marriage are very natural fears any girl who is is willing to jump into new life accept the new name and home responsibilities and position without any misgivings is a rather shallow girl we expect the brido bride to be a little dubious a little hesitant a little afraid of her own fitness to handle the problems of marriage but the other extreme is almost as unfortunate as the one of too much confidence to weigh and measure doubt and worry analyze and hesitate over your mairim matrimonial onial prospects is to rob the happiest time of your life of its fragrance and beauty when I 1 receive a letter like the following I 1 have small hopes that the girl who wrote it is headed for a successful experience peri ence as a wife an eye to alterations david and I 1 have been engaged for more than a year writes maude brown he Is 34 1 am seven years younger we are both school teach ers everything I 1 know of davids character is fine but there are many little things about him that worry me they may not seem important to most girls but they are to me I 1 would not hurt his feelings tor for the world just because he be has not had some of the social advantages that most of my friends have had but I 1 feel that just a few changes in him would make him perfection itself and I 1 need advice as to how to go about accomplishing them intellectually he is more than a match for any of my friends next year he will probably be superintendent of our union high the youngest e st man ever to hold that position to give you an idea of what I 1 mean rdean david Is very outspoken before our friends he will say things like how can you folks afford that or were going to board with maudes mother awhile at regular boarder rates little intimate matters that embarrass me and my friends once at a picnic david refused frankfurters saying that they gave him gas he be never rises when a woman stands up to leave the table he take off his hat bat when women are in the elevator pull out my chair or open the alii e car door for me in short he is a rough diamond but he Is a dia diamond makes blakes her feel seu self conscious now if these things worry me before marriage and make me self conscious before all my old group he is a comparative newcomer in town by the way will they not worry r y me infinitely more when we are married and I 1 feel that there is no escape marriage is a delicate and an intimate relationship to a sensitive woman there cannot be in it too much consideration or finesse I 1 want to be proud of my husband in every way and in every way that really counts I 1 am proud of david lie he is moderate in all his habits popular thrifty successful would destroy davids bigness bagne r s 1 I would hope by gentleness and example and the influence ot of a wife to influence himi him but even now he only laughs good natu it if I 1 am disturbed and within a few days repeats the of fence whatever it was david really does not see in what way he be is failing me and I 1 ask myself if he ever will see have you had problems similar to this one before and if you have what has been your advice my advice in this case maude marriage fears you dont like a few habits of your husband to be should you marry kathleen norris sas read her ansiger and her advice to boung brides aitho atio ore are hesitant and dubious about their fitness to solve solie the problems of matrimonial life I 1 I 1 Is to david and not to you it to la punchs immortal advice to the young man an about to marry dont you are going into this partnership determined to destroy davids bigness and confidence and originality by a long process ot of flea bites you care already for the opinion and judgment ot of your friends more th than a it you care for him your attitude is not loyal protective confident you are not looking beyond these school teaching days in a small town to the days when he with all his crudeness and frankness and tactlessness will be moved on to a better position no youve determined to make a polished courtier out of him a husband who does everything maude wants him to do a lackey dancing about with chairs and opening car doors and never forgetting to remove his hat its unfortunate that david have a mother during lis his small boyhood to train him in gentler manners the example of a wife may indeed change him miraculously but only if that wife makes him feel that he is the one object of her solicitude in the matter not to impress her friends not to save her embarrassment not to spare her old oid maidy nerves but because she loves him because she is close to him in everything and she likes to receive from him the little attentions that all women prize to take the attitude of a teacher to guide will destroy her marriage sooner or later for david is obviously the bigger natured person of the two and to have a swarm of gnats in the shape of gentle reproaches pro aches sweet reminders sensitive tears and hurt suggestions buzzing around his head from morning until night will speedily disillusion him true spirit of wifehood in one of dickens stories there is an incident of a country farmer and his lass who come to the bureau for a wedding license the man cannot write and so makes his mark the girl makes her own mark beside his later some friend reproaches pro aches her reminding her that she was well educated and can of course sign her name yes I 1 know says the tee wife to be but the dear good fellow had any schooling im to help him get started and I 1 want to shame him that Is the spirit of wite wifehood hood wifehood Wite hood has to be oneness or it anything at all to be watching a man nervously e exchanging ac hanging disturbed smiles with your friends trying to shush off your husbands references to the fact that mama Is in money difficulties or that frankfurters occasionally disagree with certain stomachs may satisfy your little inch wide sense of propriety but it marriage and the woman who feels that it is will be much happier unwed ninety seven per cent all night eight it if you ga go into it at all go into it confidently and gloriously willing to put up W with ith 3 per cent of imperfections tor for the sake of that 97 per cent of solid fineness and character and achievement some years ago a bride that I 1 knew asked four fou fourfold rold old friends in tor for tea lea they know her husband very they were surprised to find that tea was actually tea and not cocktails and that he smoke like many ot of the things they liked and bad a distinctly swedish accent |