Show kathleen norris says upon taking things as they are bell syndicate Servi service ceJ 7 1 3 arl C I 1 al it he is w thoroughly alienated by years of being just a bill paying boardo in tn his own house she finds that the neat selfish tittle little she hav has built baill up ui is M a house louie of cards and that she is is being forced to join oin the ranks of the divorced by KATHLEEN NORRIS HEN a woman writes WHEN me that after so many years of marriage three or ten or fifteen she and her husband have made the dismal discovery that they have absolutely nothing in common that they are beginning to jar terribly on each others nerves that without wishing each other any ill they can no longer live together in anything but continual repression discomfort and utter futility then I 1 know that she or he or both of them are exhibiting a lack of character and common sense it is quite different when serious matters are influent ing either one intemperance cruelty infidelity may be valid grounds for the breaking up of homes and the separation of children although in the last mentioned case I 1 have always thought divorce too high a price to pay for temporary weakness and vanity but when it is just a general lessening of affection glamour companionability companion panion ability mutual satisfaction in being together it means that one or theother has let go has stopped the pleasantness that Is friendship in marriage the eagerness to discuss plans the readiness to forgive trifling mistakes the old honey oon con anxiety to be generous and considerate and loving once these are lost they are hard to recapture it can be done but the wiser way is never to lost them husbands position parallels childs that a husband is in much the childs position is a simple truth that many wives fall fail to grasp coldness sharpness of voice scolding indifference putting the feelings or the comfort of other persons first her family her old friends herself begins the trouble then when his affections wander and when she suddenly senses that she no longer comes first fiest with him it avails her very little to reproach him to ask pathetically how she has failed him she has kept his house and borne his child and never been unfaithful and given him the best years of her life she protests what more did he expect but it if he Is thoroughly alienated by years of being just a bill paying boarder in his own house with a wife whose interests run entirely to her own beauty bridge lunches matinees mati nees with the girls friends he does not know or does not like she finds as thousands of women find every year that the neat selfish little scheme she has built up is a house of cards and that she is being forced to join the ranks of the divorced dislike divorce most women hate the idea of divorce they suffer stiffer bitterly with loneliness once marriage is dissolved and they suffer more when they realize that a second marriage means life with another man just as faulty as the first and the tearful fearful problem of the childrens loyalties a and their happiness thrown in the moral of which Is that it would pay many a woman to check up on her marriage now it would pay her to determine that life was going to be lived at least half the time on georges terms term a that thi the weary man of the house was going to be in tor for a little spoiling that what he says at dinner tonight is going to have ari an attentive and interested answer that his views upon 1 I lowered ow household expenditures and a n d a slightly stricter rule for the son and heir are going to be respected in some families a man and a w woman oman have reached the point when whatever is suggested by the one is violently antagonistic to the other it never occurs to either to give way the effect of this upon children is incalculably bad wants hants first husband back I 1 have been terribly unfortunate in my marriages writes an iowa woman my first was at 17 my oldest girl being born before I 1 was 18 her father was very young and irresponsible as everyone else else but myself seemed to know and we e were immediately divorced two to years later I 1 married a very line fellow but five years afterward he h had the misfortune to be injured injured in the head and was p placed la ced in an institution having then th en two little girls to provide for I 1 married foe for a home a silly mistake but I 1 wa was s desperate A son was born of this thi s marriage but owing to actual injuries inflicted on me by a jealous unreasonable husband he was unable to develop like other children and is a semi invalid to this day divorced two years later I 1 made a comfortable home for myself and my children but wa was ob obliged g ed to sue for my late huab husbands d es estate i a t for their support when my son was five years old it was then I 1 met my first husband who had gone away from our town put himself through medical school by his own efforts and obtained a really fine position my youthful folly in insisting on an a divorce cost me very dear for the old attraction is still strong in us both and cal has a wife and two little sons what I 1 am writing to ask you Is whether I 1 still have any claim on him as in some states our divorce would not be considered legal if he were tree free I 1 believe I 1 could win him back and she sends me a sheaf of docu mente to prove that her marriage while she was not of eje age and his letters protesting against the divorce and other complicated details constitute illegality the pity of ill it at 32 burdened with an invalid child and two daughters she would step back into cats cals life to destroy it ruin the happiness of his wife and sons and once more complicate her own existence this time beyond all hope of recovery patience mutual confidence needed seventeen is too young for marriage but many a marriage begun in the teens has proved a success nevertheless and obviously tills this one might have been patience and mutual confidence and a little help from the grownups would have carried cal jand nd sally safely through infinite mischief and suffering would have been averted and possibly a houseful ot of fine children en would have held both roan man an and d w wife I 1 if in safety As it Is im not advising sally for one thing she pay the slightest attention to advice she must follow her willful and mischievous path to the end but I 1 do ask other wives to look before they leap to the divorce courts see what you can do with the material in hand before you involve yourself in e ven even more complicated troubles |