Show kathleen norris says no aye Is safe for marriage bell syndicate service 7 th I 1 0 0 GUL ity lolita aill be 18 in april site she and len tell fell me they will mill be married that thai day with but bus married anyway aith or without it by KATHLEEN NORRIS AN any r marriage turn I 1 ou out lit happily when the bride is only 18 a texas mother writes me and when the husband only a year older has never done a days work in Ms his life but has to depend upon his father for support 11 this is the case with my only and adored child lolita the letter goes on and it is breaking my heart for weeks I 1 have been unable to sleep for more than an hour or two at a tin time lei lying awake practically al all night worrying worrying wor rvin lolita is madly in love leonard eonard is as crazy as she is and their plans for the future have about as much practical sense as if they were babies of 3 and 4 leonards father sends him 75 a month and says he will continue to do so until the boy graduates a fund bavm having g been left for this purpose by his grandfather but that fund is exhausted except for something only a little over a thousand now and when that is gone what lolita wants me to give them a i three room housekeeping apartment in my house as my contribution I 1 usually get 25 a month for it and she feels that if we run out of food we can always run in and have dinner with mother mother alother in despair this is so far from being my idea of a right and happy marriage for her that I 1 am in despair I 1 am a practical woman with a houseful of boarders I 1 have supported my daughter since my husband died I 1 but somehow I 1 dont seem to get on top of this particular worry knowing lolita I 1 know that she will throw herself into this new situation as if it were a ga game me she was playing for awhile everything will be fun and novelty and then like a child she will want to throw it au all aside our religion does not permit second marriages when her fancy turns to someone else she will have to sacrifice either her faith or her happiness and it seems to me sometimes as if I 1 could not bear to watch this process of suffering and disillusionment illusion ment going on do you not think that the ages of 18 and 20 are tar far too young for a woman and man to enter into the sacredness of marriage do you believe as I 1 do that there should be laws forbidding marriage until both persons are say 25 years of age finally do you know of any argument or warning that will save this girl of mine from taking a step that may cost her years of bitterness she will be 18 in april she and len tell me pleasantly but firmly that they will be married that day with my permission and blessing if possible but married anyway with or without it no are ape Is sate safe this distracted mother chooses for her pseudonym thirty nine 0 so she was not much older than lolita when she herself was married lolita evidently is like her mother if a girl has been petted and spoiled indulged in everything brought up in ignorance of the simplest rules of cooking housekeeping budgeting if she is accustomed to having her own way in everything being praised and flattered and if consequently she is impractical extravagant trava gant idle se selfish fifish then she won wont it make a good wife at 18 or 24 or 30 but if on the other hand she is a considerate self effacing affectionate practical home loving and baby loving soul and really loves SHOULD SUE SHE WAIT lolita is 18 she wants to marry a boy only a year older who is not yet through school and who has never done a days work should she wait will their marriage fail because they are so young kathleen norris believes believe they should perhaps wait a year or two but youth alone will not keep them from making a success of marriage if they have courage patience and a sense of responsibility without those qualities of character they could not succeed at any age I 1 the young man whose fortunes she wants to share then the chances of their happiness are just as good go od as it if they were both 32 so what thirty nine ought to ask herself is not what sort of a bride will she make but what sort of a woman have I 1 raised here anyway Is she going to develop as new responsibilities come along counts on mothers help against bolitas Lo litas marriage are these arguments that after so many years of devotion she is willing to hurt and disobey her mother that she counts at the same time upon much help from that same mother that when leonard graduates a year from june he still will not have a job and the education fund established by his grandfather will be exhausted and that her unwillingness to wait a year or two at her mothers earnest request indicates a certain hardness and stubbornness born ness that do not auger any too well for the future on the other hand young love is a beautiful and educational thing in itself this happy young couple settling down in mothers furnished apartment will be all the more anxious to prove themselves worthy ci of f their new estate because of that same mothers misgivings lolita if she has good material in her at all will rejoice in her tiny establishment that is in such contrast to the big boarding house iri in which she grew up and her mother will have the great joy of having her near and being able to help her with her problems if a baby comes along there will be another tie and another great joy one lolita of my acquaintance ran away with an unacceptable beau bea u some 12 years ago she was 18 th the e man 19 and their finances were in so low a state that they rented a garage for 5 a month and went on their wedding afternoon to 1011 loll loli tas father to ask him for the furnishing of her room so eci that they could take possession of their new home the mother was prostrated over the elopement and could only moan moa it feebly that they could have whatever they wanted so 0 they took a frying pan and a dish towel along alon 9 with their bedding and chair they lived in the garage three months the husband in college the wife selling childrens shoes from door to door tolled toiled tor for seven years social life was out for them but occasional callers always brought a pound of coffee or a box of strawberries to leave in the corner of the garage where stood a table and a gas plate after nedway ned was graduated he got a job in an oil station his young wife had a son and another son hex hei young bloom faded she gre grew w thin she was always tired two more babies came along but there was no question then and there is none today that she and ned truly loved each other |