OCR Text |
Show JUST FOR FUN They tell in Nebraska of a clergyman clergy-man who in the pulpit was a fearless expounder of rights and wrongs, but who In the domestic circle maintained, main-tained, for prudential reasons, consld crable reserve of speech and action, On one occasion when this divine felted a neighboring town, the editor edit-or of the only paper published therein, there-in, which never failed to notice the presence of a stranger in town, offered of-fered the following, so worded as to prove unwittingly keen; "Dr. Carroll Is once more among us for a brief stay. He says and does exactly as he thinks right, without regard to the opinions or beliefs of j others. "His wife Is not with him." Llp-! Llp-! Incott's What They Want Most. The soubielte The prima donna's part. The father of twins A lodge in some vast wilderness. The editor A subscriber's waiting list. The lover A later midnight. The poet A position as star board- ; cr. The press agent An increase of : fiMth The public office-holder To be let alone. The adventuress A foolish letter. let-ter. The colonel More worlds to conquer. con-quer. Chicago Record Herald. Fumigated. Mrs, Parvenu John, that Mrs. Caller, Call-er, who was Just hero said she'd been having a bad attack of ongwee. What did she mean? Parvenu Something "catchin" perhaps. per-haps. Why don't you look It up In the dictionary? Mrs. P. I did. I went through all the o's, but can't find no such word. ; Material Equipment. "You expose yourself needlessly, Maria," said Mr. Dorkins severely. "Here you are threatened with a bad cold, and you are in no condition to meet It." "That'6 all you know about it, John," wheezed Mrs. Dorkins, "I've got ninety-eight handkerchiefs." Chicago Chi-cago Tribune. Home Athletics. "Son. how would liko to enter a iclay event?" "Fine, dad. I was a star at relay eents in college" "So I've heard you say. Well, your ma Is about ready to relay the carpets." car-pets." Ixiiisvillo Courier-Journal. Her Status. "Oh, that my son should with to marry an actress!" shrieked the proud patrician mother. "Now, ma, don't take on so," replied re-plied the undutlful heir, "She Isn't really an actress. She only thinks : she is." Washington Herald. Striking Resemblance. Finally the taciturn boarder spoke up. "These substitutes for coffee," he vs;iid, "are like substitutes for religion. relig-ion. They are useful In one particular; partic-ular; they serve to show the excel- 1 leuce of the real thing." Chicago j Tribune.. Corroboration Withheld. "Was that interview published as coming directly from you authentic?" "I haven't decided yet," replied Senator Sen-ator Sorgum. ' I'm waiting to so what effect it has on my constitu-eutb," constitu-eutb," Washington Star. In Doubt. """ Knicker These are perplexing days. Docker Yes; when you get a good dinner you dou't know whether your wife wants a gown or the cook is after aft-er a Christmas present. Harper's I'.azar. Neither Desirable. Myer (proudly) My son Is learning learn-ing to play on the violin. Oyer Well, you have my sympathy. sympa-thy. I have a dog that howls at the moon. Chicago News, |