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Show read it on a card? Boston Trnna- crlpt I It Had Been Pulled. j Mlnnick I hop that they havo found in Esypt the mummy of a man whose right leg is nearly a foot long- er than the left one. j Sinnlck Important as evidence , that they had the church fairs In an-cieut an-cieut Epypt Browning'? Magazine. Official Encouragement. "Every time the automobile breaks down I notico you examine your state license." "I do that for encouragement The license says I'm competent to operate oper-ate the machine." Houston Chronicle. Chron-icle. Makes Perfect Nuisance. ''Drowning men clutch at strnwR." quoted the Wise Guy. "Yes, especially if they are drowning drown-ing their sorrows," added the Simple Mug. Philadelphia Record. Impossible. Mary had a little hat But there! I'm rpally grieved. There's no use finishing the pome, It will not be believed. Harper's Bazaar. His Impression. Mrs.. Knieker Now will you remember re-member everything, John? Knkker Yep. f'rri to turn the flowers out at night and sprinkle the tal. Harper's Bazaar. Suited. "George Is a very grouchy sort of iran, isn't he?" "Yes; Won't, even ride in anything but a sulky." Haiti moro American. JUST FOR FUN Language in Frightful State. A lecturer cave a very learned and interesting address before a woman's club on "Tho Decadence of Pure English." Eng-lish." At the close of the talk a. much-overdressed woman came up to blm and said: "I did enjoy your talk ever and ever so much! and I agree with you that the English language is decad-ing decad-ing something awful. Hardly no one talks properly nowadays, and the Iord only knows what the next generation will talk if nothing ain't done about I it." Youth's Companion. I They Didn't. A Denvor Woman, going from borne for the day. locked everything I up well, and for the grocer's benefit wrote on a card "All ouL Don't l leave anything." This she stuck on tho front door. On ber return home she found the house ransacked and all her choicest possessions gone To tlie card on the door was added: "Thanks; we haven't left much. Kansas Kan-sas City Star. Couldn't Do It. "I can't slay long," said the chairman chair-man of the committee from the colored col-ored church, "I Just came to ff-e if yo" wouldn't join the mission band." "Po de Ian' sakes, honey," replied the old mammy, ' (loan come to me' I can't even play a mouf orgau." Llppincott's A Matter of Sentiment. "Were you anm-yed l y the way the customs Inspectors handled your trunks?" "No, indeed." replied the young woman from Kansas. "W'e were so homesick that wo really enjoyed seeing see-ing everything that looked like a cyclone." Washington Star. A Hurry Call. The political loss of a small western west-ern city dnve his huckboard at top speed down the main street on the morning of an tl-ct'on. "Hey, Johnnie!" he yelled to his son, "gii clown to the Pourth ward quick. There's people down there volin' as they blame please." Success Suc-cess Magazine. Brifjbt. "iNow Tommy," said the teacher, "you may give me an example of u coincidence." "Why er," said Tommy, with some hesitation, "why er why me fad-der fad-der olid me mudder was loth mnrrie ou de same day." Ilarper'i) Weekly. In the Future. Passenger Any dauger on this trip. Cap? Captain Well, there s a pirate balloon bal-loon above us and a submarine united un-ited us and we're carrying twenty tons of dynamite. Outside ot that there's no cause for nervousness. Baltimore Star. Not Ripe. The Pair Pin chaser Your eggs ore all very sinaJl today, Mr, Jones. Mr. Jones Yes'm. they are flut I'm sure I don't know the reason. Tho Pair Purchaser Oh, I expect you took them out of the nests too soon. Sketch. Superfluous. Mother Yes. Willie, that ts your uncle's card. Willje f reading) "Professor Jog-ples, Jog-ples, & A. ! I . It " Rity Ma, can't we all aeo he's bald without, bavin to |