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Show I Need an Airplane May morning opened cloudy and with showers o rain, hut about ten the sky cleared tho sun shone, and everything seemed bright and beautiful. "It's a fine morning up above," said Franlc Bohn of the Hudson building. "But not many people seem to bo traveling In that direction." Tough Stuff "We shall open the I now admlnlstrativo building of the city board of oducatlon with a' dinner to which you will undoubtedly bo Invited," In-vited," said Miss Viola Clancy, of the city board to a reporter 'tother day. "Perhaps it will be a fried chicken dinner," continued Miss Clancy. "Most of tho chickons in Ogdon ought to bo fried," answored the scribe of tho pencil. He's Boosting? "Tou talk about American women being boforo-the-mlnuto in matters of dress and that they were wearing their now spring tocques in February, I'vo got them j all beaten at that top-dress require-1 ment. I'm wearing my next winter's hat now," said an impoverished newspaper news-paper man to another of llko condition con-dition yesterday. IXo Remarks Spring baseball nearly near-ly broke up a home in our neighborhood. neighbor-hood. Our next door neighbor watched a gang of the boys and hollered till ho got hoarso and couldn't speak above a whisper. When ho got hpme his wife bawled him out and told him that sho wouldn't go to the card party par-ty that the neighbors on tho other side of our houso were giving that night. Ho went over to say they wouldn't come and when Mrs. X , camo to the door ho whispered, "Is J your husband homo?" "No," sho whispered back, "como right In." 1 Not Shared Yet Sunday school f-jjrt teacher "What do you know about r Good Friday, Willie?" l Small Willie "He was Robinson Crusoe's 'valet'." Geo Whlzl Tho E C. L worries me not sometimes. My grocer last) weok sent me sixty-two spuds actual count and forgot to charge them on tho bill. And Thoy Sold Bryan Was One A South Washington school teacher : asked ono of her pupils the other day ' to define a demogoguo. "A demogogue," this boy explained, "is a receptacle for holding whiskey, beer and other liquor." Green Grass Grows Dana Parkinson, Parkin-son, supervisor of tho Wasatch forest, received a letter this week so fraught with sentimental appeal and heart interest in-terest In dumb animals that an excerpt of tho letter was forwarded to the district offices in this city. Because forest service officials disapproved of a certain permitteo grazing so many head of stock on tho national forest, the aforementioned permittee wrote as follows: "Please allow thorn to remain. re-main. Those cattle have all boon born and raised hero and I hato to tear them from fond association and memories mem-ories until they aro full grown and have reached their maturity." i Well It Sounds Good Although Mars and Old Mother Earth were closer together a few days ago, than over before, and wircies3 operators 11s-toned 11s-toned fcvorlshly for messages that might be sent from people of that planet, tho ovent failed to causo more than passing interest In Ogden. Tho only unusual instance containing enough news value to offer excuso for mention Is the report that ono person reported to tho hospital with sunburned sun-burned tonsils as a result of searching tho heavens for the planet during the late afternoon. Have You Tried It? Tho newest bootlegging dodge is not without its humor, say railroad men who pass in and out of tho Union depot hero. It is said that a former detectlvo of tho police department hero has concocted a form of shorthand speech which goes like this and which effects the sale of "joy water In properly sealed bottles." "Want any Plymouth Rocks today?" "Well, what aro you selling- 'em at?" "Lowest market prjco I can afford to sell at is $5 for the little fellows, and $10 for the big ones." I A. R. Mclntyre was trying to intlm-'idate intlm-'idate O. J. Stilwell, by saying that most of the housebuilding and loan companies in the United States had gone broke sooner or later and wanted to know why it was. Mr. Stilwell replied re-plied that life insurance companies I also in the past had a bad reputation. "One year ago, no less than five presi-1 presi-1 dents of big insurance companies committed com-mitted suicide in this country.,' Mr. Mclntyre agreed that was a sad fact. "Well, but they don't do it now," said O. J. with a smile. "A fellow doesn't need to commit su-I su-I icide more than once, as a rule," said the sad-eyed reporter. He was promptly ejected from the I chamber. ; oo |