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Show I IMI A TRUE TALE AND A TIP TO IS ' YOUNG MARRIED MOTORISTS. IF f tr, Not very many moons ago a certain u,i young man who had just purchased a V ' new car drove his young wife to the 'I depot. After the train puffed away j the young man smiled and stepped on I the throttle. i Two days later his wife returned and :l as the car was in the garage she j thought she would please her husband I ' by dusting it off. i " The young man returned from work J that evening in a happy mood. His wife was not so well pleased with y the world. Noticing his wife wearing I Ji , a new necklace composed of many as-, as-, v sorted beads, he asked, "Where did you get the new necklace, dear?" "I had three and I found the rest I , in the car," she answered tartly, i - The young man went away from there. Moral: "Don't step out without cleaning out," AFRICAN GOLF. An English friend of ours was talk-! talk-! ing in warm praise of his cousin in the old country who is a clergyman: "He . is rector of Ashby-cuni-Wilton," he C said. Whereupon we remarked that several sever-al colored acquaintances of ours here , would be possible candidates for the rcctorate at Seven-come-Eleven. 1 NUT STUFF. It is a day of questionalres. People , ! are beginning to realize that while Pi figures do not lie, a good deal of tally tal-ly ented lying can be done with them. Attorneys know, or try to get to know how to prejudice the jury In favor of their client, not by asking the witness questions, but by the way in which thej questions are asked as for instance: "Now, sir, answer me 'yes' or 'no. Have you quit beating your wife yet?" Well, the summer weather having come in tfith a rush this department of the paper Is now suffering from, with, and by reason of, the heat and submits the following list of questions: ques-tions: 1. Are you alive? If so, why? This question is asked because fifty End of London, displayed in an undertaker's under-taker's window was, "Why live when you can be comfortably buried for eighteen shillings?" 2. Have you had the measles, and if so, how many? 3. Have you any money in the bank, and if so, where did you get It from? 4. Are you on friendly terms with your relatives, and If so, why? 5. In addition to the grocer how many people are dependent on you for support? 6. Do you still drink alcoholic liquors, li-quors, and if so, where do you get the stuff? 7. Is your wifo willing to take in washing to support the family and, if not, why not? 8. Have you ever refused a higher salary, and if so, why? 9. Do you neighbors enjoy your wife's singing, and if so, why? 10. How often during the last year has your landlord rednnpH the p'oni v How many times did you refuse to accept ac-cept his reduction? DO YOU REMEMBER? Way back in tho good old days when the chap used to sing: "The melancholy days are hers a little too warm for whiskey straight and a little too cold for beer?" "MISLEADING PERHAPS." Wo were in a local store vesterday and when a fellow clerk called "Miss Leading," to which a beauteous damsel at the ribbon counter responded, we could not register surprise. Her first name is Rosa, we learned later. We cannot help but wonder if there is a person in Ogden who Is Miss Led. SUCH IS. A Madison school yonngstor, playing play-ing about Lester Park, shoved a forked stick down the neck of his shirt, between be-tween his shoulder blades, so that the forked sticks projected over his head and stirred up a reign of terror among his playmates by imagining that he was a bull moose, or a big buck deer, or some other member of the antelope tribe. Such is the height of Juvenile imagination. "JUGGED." Winifred Scott, two-year-old daughter daugh-ter of J. E. Scott, national forest Inspector, In-spector, wandered away from her mother's side Thursday evening, and as the result was "jugged," her father state. The youngster had been with her mother mother who was shopping and took adxantage of her mother's preoccupation by beating it. "They picked her up on a vag charge, but she was released when we called for her," Mr. Scott said. Dear Editor: My wife ordered sugar, paid a dollar dol-lar for about three pounds and instructed in-structed the grocerman to have the delivery boy shove the sugar through the key hole in case she wasn't at home. She happened to be home when the sugar arrived, but her instructions were written on the slip affixed to the sugar. The grocer boy wouldn't have experienced difficulty in carrying out the instructions, either. Respectfully, |