| OCR Text |
Show OUR BUDGET OF FUN. BOMB GOOD JOKES, OnlOINAU AND SELECTED. A Varlalr of Jakes Jlbaa sad Irealra Orlglaal aail Salaried rlalsan. sad Jstaaaa Iran, tha Tlda of tlamer VTIttr Saylags. Tks Haas Thai lUathsil Ills Heart. She warbled "Home Bweet Home" to him, With all her girlish art; Hbe tried "flweet Annie 1-aurle," but She failed lo teach his heart. At last, despairing, ehe begin On "Yankee Doodle," when He cracked hit heela together and -She won him there and then. Tha Ijtnil.niaa'a Wlaa. I'd like to be a rallor And sail the salty ses. Upon a mighty cruiser Oh, thst's Ihe life for met I'd like to be s sailor. A tsr with grit and brawn I'd like to when there wasn't Any fighting wolng on, Chicago News. liar Aasnsr. "You were a long time In the far comer of the ronservslory with Mr. Willing bit evening," suggested the mother. "Whsl waa going on!" "Do you remember the occasion on which you brcame engaged to papa?" Inquired the daughter by way i( reply. re-ply. "Of course I do." "Then It ought not lo be neceessry (or you to ask any questions." Thus gently the news was broken that they were to have a son-in-law. Chicago 1'ost. Sllitilly trust. Tolllman and bis girl were out mushroom hunting. As the piloted blm (rom a vlne-broldercd Isnewny Into In-to a pasture opeu, bo remarked! "1 alwaya al-waya get bewlldtred In these pathless wilds, don't jou know. It was only yesterday that I was somewhere In this neighborhood, and I completely lost my head," Stooping to pick n mammoth puff-ball, puff-ball, she roguishly Inquired! "Is thlt Itt" Cleveland Leader. Ha Was Cain.lnrsd. Mrs. llayrlcks-ll say here In th paper. Bliss, Ibst this war has servsd i ' ring Iho people ot our country closer together. Do you think there's any truth In It7 Mr, Hayricks Yes. When I looked Into the parlor last night, Lieut. Striplings Strip-lings and our Annie waa aettln' a good deal closer logtther than I bat aver tsen 'em aforo he went away, Chicago Chi-cago Newa. KaqetaUa la Indeuaadsece. Jester I tee that Meekman baa recently re-cently come Into posaeaalon of a hundred hun-dred thousand dollars. Quester Yes, and I'm glad ot It, to'j. It will make him Independent. Jester Not einctly; there Is Just on mora prerequisite to thst condition. condi-tion. quester What Is that? Jester A divorce. -Cleveland Leader. Lead-er. OlllllT. "Someone hai painted a itatue In tbe grounds crimson," said the college president. "Do you know who did UT" "Well, I guru I might ss well confess," con-fess," said the ringleader, "tlnce I wai caught redbnnded," New York Vim. Iliily a lleda. Fanny Footlights I never go out to supper with men sfter Ihe show, Willy Wilt Then you won't go with m7 Kenny Footlights Why, certainly I will. Wlllyl-Up-to-Dte. lis qal Tears. Ilia Wife Now you won't forget any f thosg things I asked you to bring home! Tb Suburbanite (doubtfully) I hop not. Buppot you give me sealed orders, not to be opened till I reach Nw York. Drooklyn Lift. Ilatlar Than Having Thasa Stalsa. First Actress Yet, Mill Starr attempted at-tempted suicide by charging a mutket with her dlamonda and firing thtm fhto her body, Becond Actreia What a glorious advertisement1- Jswrlar' Weekly. Hal a Had Canala.laa. Little Dirtle, sged Ave, was ready (or hi bedtime bath and waiting hi turn musingly, when he startle his mother with the queitlon: "Mother, Isn't It awful lot In heaven heav-en 7" "Why, no; very far from It." "Oh. I think It must be awful hot." "Why, whatever put that Into your bead?" " 'Cot, you aee, all tbe angtle I ev saw In pictures didn't wear any clothes." New Orleans Times-Decs, crat. r.l.rn.l Narrasaa. "Dear tather," wrote young Throg-gins, Throg-gins, who hsd gone to war as a lists-tensnt lists-tensnt against the parental wish, "I haven't anything to sharpen my raaer on. fleas send me a good strap." "Dear aon," replied the father, "sharpen your rssor on yosr shoulder strsps."-Cblrsgo Tribune. the laa of lha Hear. I'retty Wife (poutlngly)-Thal Mr. De Plain has a dozen dresses handsomer hand-somer than the only one I've got. Bmart Husband A homely wooaea like that needs rich attire to altrast attention (rom her face. You don't. (Pretty wife siibtldtt.)-New York Weekly. Tha SpT'a Hlataka. Subordinate We have caught a Spanish spy who was trying to Dad out our plans. American tlcneral Why doesn't hs resd the New York pspent They know our plsns before we do. I'uck. Oh, Heart Oh, llaarl Miss Cutu Now. Willie, why oan'l you tell mo what pa laid when you naked fur my hand? Willie Decatisc I ah belong l a church, deah. I'p-to-Date, I'mlaaklsdlr. Charley," iald young Mri. Torklns, "you hav heard ot caitlis In BpalnT" "Yea." "Did you ever ice one?" "No. Why do you atk7" "I waa Just wondering If they are not built of thoie gold brlcka you read about so much." Washington Blair. Slrlrlly llaslssss. "I thought," exclaimed th ardeat cltlien, "thst you wsre (or piac at any price," "Well," replied the heavy Invealor, "I did express myself to thst affect until Spanish arrogance began to bull the market so outrageously," Wash. . Ington livening Star. Out; Melural. "Truly," murmured th pesilmlitl Bpanlsril, "thos Americana srsra to know how to charge." "Faugh!" returned Ihe great grandee, gran-dee, "a mere rommerclal nccompllih-ment. nccompllih-ment. What elto could w expect In a nation of shopkeepen?" l'uok. No Help tor It. Do you know thlt a woman's smile may wreck a man's heart?" "Well, I suppose that hat happened, for under our aytlem of clvllliatlon, ot course, u man rr.n't bo married to avery woman who happtni to throw a tmlle In his directum." Kxchange. A (llmallfl llsspoiias. "1 rail for a division o( the houstl" exclaimed a member ot the Colorado legislature. At that very moment a cyclone happened hap-pened along and Ihe division was promptly and completely accom-pllslied. accom-pllslied. -Cleveland Leader. Case ut liag Nlandlag. Mrs. I'lUuthrop K you ore a sufferer suffer-er (rom nervous prostration, at you say you nre, why don't you do something some-thing (or It? Tuffold Knutt I do, ma'am; I'm takln1 wot Ihey call the rett cure. Chicago Tribune. He Novice at Matrlaiear. Scott Bo you didn't get married after all? Ilowen No, I had a narrow escape; Just before the time fixed for las -wedding. I learned that my Intended wai a widow. New York Vim. Slow is Thi.r "Always do right and your frtieai will itind by you." "Yet, but Ih time a mis need frlendt to itind by him I wka ke doet wrong," Chicago Record. Qalls Likely. Mrs. Ilenbam I wonder wky Lot's wife looked back? llenham Probably to aee It ber drees dragged. New York Vim. The Ml. a.. "Why do persons talk ot raiting the wind when they need money?" " II e cause H'a the wind that raises Ihe duit." New York Vim. |
