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Show r residential mtn. Nobody aver had such bad ones THE JOKER'S CORNER as those which I collected with (real twwm That ftmaiUBeti CUvIm4 a us line small Eapt if a expense." care at Drop ym can't HOSE of US Who go Hendricks Xo one ever accused you ot know- WIT, HUMOR AND SATIRE ORIO , rand. ' Best of your Behind the law of Presidential no V'? t - racing (either for ing the game," said my friend, severeINAL AND SELECTED. get 'Schilling's Melon la a curloua chapter of uuwrit. You should only go out with a living or to be ly. if or don't like you ' lively) hear a Urge grocer, ten hiBtory. It was told today by. a "'WV barrel organ and a monkey, being tied lUrd to PI of good to Its talk You might be clever, enough Who Hs Wanted who number been t has f can lor Missourian, "fit? and many it J get your money years s trusted official of the United Hcddlod with Water lo Kt Iog atorles during our to take the pennies If the donors placed A Modarn Kalrjtal. A lolnt of Clraaa-- ur back. Btates aenate. Ie explains fully an In- travels, and laugh them In your hand, closed It over them tjr A kev t'ao for CoLgrniDkaa. n PrPr to swore lem and tldsul, aioioat forgotten now, but on you secrecy. tenderly, Saa Treu tion to their merit But Fatty was a perfect tradesman. the esuse of much criticism of Preel- Few and dent Cleveland. Until ten year ago He was after the nimble nlnepencq piquancy. T- That Awful Trllow Kid. IU cn be retold ln-As- every time. He used to back hit the law waa that the President pro flj A grea many HEAD the rspera ' peopi. a)., dismmiuately. when It was good enough to do - evn tempore of tha eenate euoceeded to the day; w - platers demr&luor rul ibe ar guide .now.og all Presidential office In thereat of tha I . swallow so; when not, he used to let other peothe visitor through the auclsut ra ta U Iiot PrudcnU ThUt they conbark them',' Thotfxy i ple 4MUuQr.UepMttyof church whr. the"h8bl. amU ih tain; on something also. It Is a beautiful and In the abeenca tall them In the family circle before were Interred. I'm hopeful that viators of more or less Strong re- game so long as you can play It withof a President the pro tempore, Same wey over In our McKinley my eqtivry out danger from the mob or from th devolved upon the speaker. ligious convictions. a Engage usw. In piled the vleltor; 'why dont of Fattys" fathe Happily, story stewards." But either of these officers only acted war I t h bettor preacher" Judy. of DR. G. W. SHGRfcS. fear vorite be without told may ain; - Who was 'Fattys' trainer?" 1 asked, as President until congress could be a blush to the cheek of the to reed bringing I Oldest Speetallst la h Weato Tha grieve was nol that confident convened on twenty days' notice and position feeling Whst H. of or Cubans most' foolish youngest person. a sinecure. a special election could be held. Early shun Who la he?" was the question peoShopkeeper: hat can I show yon e In the first term of Mr Cleveland, 'Why, surely you know," retorted Wel r did; that fu, tHn,s Vs? Mr?" he and In asked ple wonder, as they of course,, Hut yet one thinu give m- - a pain-o- nly historian. would, Gi died st his home went on Fatty Hendricks Absent-mlndr- d the course probably with s Professor: "I want Yellow h Kldl, have one sort of trulnefi a man J A situatlOu which Is Indianapolis. m common purpose (to get a bit, as the do I want? Dear Who would do as he was told without. Concernin' was without precedent ex.sted. Up to mission is culled by those who critics, that s profane, me! I can't for the life 0f me rememof asking questions. Old Jerry Smlggtns, When 'he bis Mr. time they assert iny tavurite play aitknevs Hendricks and the reply waa Invariably it); ber what It Is. . 1 e . well. It Inexpressibly Inane; Ripston, realized hts Ideal of that 1 doesn't matter: give me the nearest had prevented the senate from electing the same, Fatty. You remember Jerry- -h .""' "' Ti character. a President pro tempore. He had been ur all and was That was all. opinions Fatty, pure thing you have to it. be 1 am docile quite, but still mains trying to best'j able to do this by declining to vacate Simple, this seemed to sausiy public always seemed to tain and was generally In debt Further Interrogation was Bomebody, curiosity. Notice Kldl TnttHlng Pubtlo. .he chair and to recognize that priviTalk about the very 'warm' members, I wish they'd gag The of the was In view considered senate lege. adventurous. by Republican Effective Fcbniarj, l.Mh the Rio v rvrow DR. O. W BHUKF.S. si way otkmg To be could give most of them s start cvet f stomach all scare-hea- d display The startling facts It might reveal. majority. te halp a u tiering mankind, always trying1 it It of K.')cy s raising Call!! Cran le Western railway will, on aopn some political advantage look at him was enough, especially what Is called a rogue's course, and ImThat 8t feonvlfio people that h give liawrg to make hacks of 'em when It came.tc Thevery glad. Indeed, to pa. solved far every dollar paid him, ban n mind by so doing, steadfastly rewhen he was backing loaers. cation, endorse its Commercial Mncagv imto entertain; wad poor hungry fraud to dMidcd b give quackery, I should not like to The Bradley. Martin a free champagne JJooke gpod for passage over the lines fused to let the Truly, Fatty was a remarkable pure thieving. prettat the Republicans organize. position tu death blow, and In man I 1 my A. were aouldnt tha Kio If cuddling dying engaged from drink daopwaiiie bid; railroad. eiaaaaa (,rande of the Denver aurfeilng yhen ho died there was no President character, unconventional in tats Ufa money-bag- s I'm docile but 1 ay ngaln, ma.bo.le ot quacka and qharlatane. Every for the last time If Jerry Colorado Midland railroud, lllo Urandv wish they'd gag the Yellow Kid! pro tempore. The death occurred be- and customs, also In bis ideas as to were in eu Carer from t the sick chamber watching my MANSouthern railway, Florence A Crip., tween the dissolution of one congress the rights of individuals, so far as He would accelerate my struggles. ENVOY. wus What concerned. next Midland and of Terminal the and the property session regular Creek railway doom do I Prince, to treasure." obtain the fear my burdenpd bralq HOOD There waa no speaker. At he wished to have he thought he was Will quite give any tf we're not rtd And how did his employer trust rsdnay, thus giving holders of K. H congress. entitled to take, If the owner's attenOf thla House fool Seminal White the Cleveland Presldert Weakness, Vortoooal, I'll fad lnaane: Hj of go the W. Mihage the privilege talcing him?" I Inquired, for I had a little I wlah they'd gug the Yellow Kldl Uonorrivnaa, Blrinturo, small BypbUie, his preparations to go tion was diverted; and no man waa vw aa or aa shrunk and ergons, Colorado trip without requiring pur w?.g comdeMng prwnatwr the of Ripston trainer, to Indianapolis to attend the funeraL cleverer than he In diverting ownets knowledge and all athar private diseases. wh-J.simile at Hevftrl. the that HO elegant recognized or eontaa eaiuaed a loams (Ease of additional mileage over th attehtion when there was anything to by Ignoranoa, Senator Edmunds waa at the capitol. cau to the peril of th moribund person Th readei of this paper will be pleated am, M matter bow oovret, youvbrat-etadifferent roads in that state. Call on busy in his committee room. The sug- be taken by doing so. a O. W. BHORFfl. tht DR. eonsult cash deposits was no, with Y. for ail r hi. R. G. toying Not of who a bos his tha te of lu eunng he person agent (Iran high principle, any gestion came to his mind: What would could me. la catarrh. etui ll at Chronto dlaeoaq, and be mvmarlinnl all Its mag-piiafford to purchase the luxuries an exaggeration, - Indeed, Jerry would In tional particulars. Hall a Catarrh Cut la th onlv poalt'va vised, treated and cured without paring nappen if the President should be of no doubt have also removed any false cure metlicdU fraternity. the season In the to sufficient now bin one dollar unUl the sure la known abundance F. A. WADLEIOH, allied or be rendered unfit for duty by The doctor reserves the right, brvwever, a cnnatHuttoiial diaeao. to gratify hts appetite, which was Im- teeth that might have been in the un- Catarrh point! General Passenger Agent. Halls troaimont ounstHutlnnal sn accltient on this contemplated JoCir-ua refuse any Incurable com It he u I fortunate person's jaws, to aa to get Catarrh Cure la taken Internally, acting te mense. To many persons of the highcure you he don't want your f fo IndlanRpolia? mueoua atot Bueh ou offer wae never bet or mode th the tjlood with. to bet gold est upon directly Their ProreMione. principle such luxuries are unn, a repons.h!e ph'deian, and ir. '.. by of th aytm, thentiv Bcnator Edmunda, sold the Trust him, replied my Informant; th foundation known. Two Irishmen were disputing. One of th d!oue and Klvlng Is only able to make It Vmrmnms Shores was much disturbed. The building up th well, you know how far such men the patient Btionuth hy When in his best form Fatty" acpositively cures these diaeaima aon t f them, speaking of himself, In in amt nature doing aoai Ke Mjd: more he thought of the peculiar possiconatttutton another cent on quesUensble CoI am a brick. complished notable feats. His favorite trust each other. Like one hungry dog tta work. Th propi t.'tor hare eo much oler. but consult the "Old Doctor and the graver the situation seemed maneuvers were ofbilities that ba cured. RUbtNKSB gAORKV..f Ct curate powra they executed on the race trust a hungrier one in sight of an faith OnIn ttaHuiTSrtT Sure, and I am a bricklayer, said lVillara for any caae io turn. He asked me to find some othcourse. He was quite at home there, odorous bone. So long as both could fer the other, at the same tlms "knocking It fall to cur. Send for Hat of testhat Dr. G. W.UHUHfcS, er senators and send them to him. and moved ddreaa, him down. about, both in the ring and get a bite they do not worry each othei timonial Lock Dus love, K 9. CHF.NET CO, Toledo, O. July two were about the capitol. They paddock, with immunity from assault as to which secured the most pestlter-- ! 7 Pohl hy rirurpsiata. Edit Lake City, Utah. t. ere scon closeted wih Mr. Edmunds. A friend told me this story about ous portion. They went on well for a are the bosk 11 all' 1 Family Fill Prosperity In lV7, He told them his opinion of the situaWith every new year some hope of m Fatty In confidence hence I pass It time, and Fattys nose reflected his sees i found; and even la the dullest cur.t 11 tion. He said that if anything should on In the same spirit We were return- prosperity to a marked extent; Baggoata aa Improvement. After maamv happen to Mr. Cleveland the country people save mosey tv Hir cs ft asua in and from beamed the after paddock ing upon Camptown iiw bai tfrig, steeplechases money, a very important item is to kici r irriitottuba be would would a bad a colossal" without There head. and more were and sumed our how to keep it &ou b Staving day, Bank ird proportions bemoaning of lull coot ttotatolrittttoOe established in 167:;. be no one with even the tempoiary au- - anaemic condition. Trust Company w B'.t artrift. enl PtmiftM, tints as its owner put on brighter ,jpyi AtHEvMS(U(IM&M.QQ, peifttotiuttfc and on March 25, 197, laid oeue j 172', to call an extraordinary session This Is no game," 1 remarked, for flesh and added to bis balance at tha .horlty Itoldi thjf account with heftmto tasOg more a million tlan svlnga ci congi KS. It would be impossible honest, ttt fti pUiN BrrmppBT- (Mr men;" and I bank. Then came the picturesque Inaai s quarter to thoir credit uii,, n Itf ' o take ary sUp. No special election children are allowed to open acooun'.s p. vainly hunted for the remnants of a cident at Camptown Park previously Li rtf a hrattUM, 7. tide to tlioir owp order Cimil - ot on fsuwt. Btart an a,co,t cqmM be ordered. There would be no cheap clgaret which I hoped had not hinted at sow. Any amount fmm One Dollar to relief from the confusion until the Here the orator took breath and exreg been thrown away In better times. thousands received and 5 per cent mferp-pe- r M Tn., "Yes, Its a poor game, said my panded his cheat before embarking on annum paid thereon Interest lv com ular date for the assembling of conn1 KttUtttiti, 41 f O. one more Deloses puted four tuuos a year and may lie drawn mom of hla hlRRtftll, (M hw ftp ones came the recital In Until ember. round eompanlon,when exciting part gress Wontoro bntuuu Ouia then or added to the principal Writ- - fn . , . In order to maintain one's rectitude Refreshed by the rest, he continued: ey temchose a me President senate in pro btock. O'Moara Stu.U v,i;. t any Information desired to Nos l,8?rk " he IvOhftu Thry hov had an ofloo in Whintrton Fatty had one of his platen In a Rain street. Salt Lake City, Utah pore and the house elected a speaker, of purpose. Now look at Fatty, for nd tb n trr ii. io en yoftm, VfinroaD Woonacrr, Presld.tit. selling race at Camptown, and on ths of the Unton. Their motto K Vo nobody could periorm tuj of ths dutlee added, after a pause, rather Inconsettn 40 Georoe M, Cawnux", Casrieb. A Hook No 1 of or never a PV. hear him com' book It had great chance. According-vbiuim -you quentially; pHfre, fua .f Fr&wideut. Information for Inventor, (umUic J it law then relating to Prealden-(i- al plain of hla bad luck. It la those who ly, the public made his hone favorite, Tto remmdfDue voiUiUMk AIho pentoform nnd lend A woman's first Instinct when th bouse have been playing with him who lift and backed It down to even money In cUilQH. succession was laid before th othkai been broken Into by burglars is to try up their voices. He knows very well a large field ot runners. could Fatty er The condition senators. anomalous to convince her husband that therobW:. had net occurred to them. They agreed that luck wouldnt keep him in grease not stand that; h did not cart for took soma of her canned fruit. New Yoik his moustache and boots." even money chances. So, after conferat enTe that Senator Edmunda was for But Prass. some of ua are afraid of prison,' ring with hit trainer, he gave btm in'under When he that suggested right structions to the effect that th favorS1AR TOBACCO. Well, Just listen to a short account ite need not exert himself unduly la da you ehsw to bares for pleasure nsa ti careful be to approved Flint Tramp "I fiuk dey could they specialty Till not only the best but tha most mating, atC of what Fatty did the other day, and the race, and that precautionary measthe suggestion. As the result of the then make dam model lodgin' house putty txarelore, the cheaeet. talk about prisons If you like. Of ures might wisely be adopted with that SAU UK I CTT.TOH, l!33 2S S St conference Senator Edmut.de came out au If they tried. know one at In that course, time he view. you end (the wrong end) That's a poor simile that compares sn and asked me to got a carriage for Haring Second Tramp: "Not while dey L a small coffee shop In the east arranged matters to his satisfaction, Insolvent eoncera to a ship on the rocks. Mm. Ho rode direct to th White kept of slits on glvln yer a bath. Live Stock now end In thouand beta owner London, the ot astute favorite the went, Whgt First Tramp Hcus and told Mr. Cleveland he must sands. That denotes the master mind. Well, s'posln dey wui a and backed horse which to into the ring Chi"Wall, the ship settles Papidly. Jf you would kpcp pc: td. ether or chloryform aa' not go to Indianapolis. Hs went over Hs Is called Fatty because of his he believed was a certainty while hie then(Its yer In the bathf write tor information. sago Journal. the ground, shewing tha President thak stomachic protuberance, not In refer- candidate enacted the yer put part of spectator. Frompt Itepttes. if an accident happened to him the ence te . Quick Returns. other personal distention. A Jockey who would listen to reason any crus. roarrnKi-Liqrou usury country would be left wtthout an CHEAPEST AND BEST. when it took tha form of ready money Mam Treat meat WrittenffiT uranta flvn--for months, until December IfflilW SrtlWtli! FRED A: SEARS. was riding the favorite. Therefor It mJdSvtll.. W. Y, Mrnuua llu paptt. President was astonished. rcrae. Th. Bloek. McCoralck FFTT. ALT the horse waa that when cantered to This is the Verdict of Every HouseTIi had not had the slighteat reallza-Dog Cat Dag. felt aboT himthe slightly post Fatty keeper Familiar with the Article. of how. much depended on hia life First Neighbor Thats a vary Oalaty Dr. r.IcCrew self- his usual aenaation when he conIt Is often said that tha cheapest et that time. He acknowledged ths of yours. I threw him some cold dog was he ceron sidered that backing oeiiiir'oMiaa!1 sxa Men article is not always the best, bnt force of Senator Edmund's argument. Only in a race, and laying against sausage this morning and hs wouldnt po! tainty for orders the cancelled W. N. No. 15. C07. touch them. Salt Lak certain not to win. occasionally this does not prove j immediately another Second Neighbor What do you take Wkeu true, and the truth of this last as- - transportation and remained in Waah- Th result of the race, however, waa Aaewerlag AdvertKemeeta ViHy Meatwa This Paper. in gton." not what he desired. The favorite had fcliu tor a cannibal? sertion has been fnlly demonstrated over was th much criticism There hie owner In hand than more or trainin by hundreds of housekeepers er thought His jockey could not quite filjre of Mr. Cleveland to be present this section who have experimented Ths news; Hendricks t the obsequies hold him; thus he found himself near ana with the Saltafr Baking Powder, couldnt understand ths apparhome In view of the public before he which is manufactured by the Salt-si- r papers ent lack of eonaideration. Ths Presi-dswas able to get a pull It was then too Baking Powder company oflhL said nothing. - This is ths first late, pull as hard as he could. People city. would see him; he might be warned tims ths circumstances of ths senaM05CME5TS Ud HEADS T0SE3 Not only should this Baking Powoff. Naturally fearing that disaster, torial oonfereno and of Senator EdRODE A FINISH. der receive the endorsement of the mund he sat down and rode a finish of conhurried vlalt to the White conas As told. toon been from have West House the Re looka at you, aa It were, from be- siderable merit tasking a dead heat housekeepers of , Hie fact that it is a Western product hind a flour-bagress convened after Mr. Hendrick especially when wear- of 1L You may imagine hla emplodeath Senator Edmunds fathered and ing a white waistcoat, and he talks to yers awful sensations. He had backed bnt also on account of Its cheapto win a large n of the ness and superior qnalitles. The pushed to enactment a bill which mads- you as though hs would fall backwards eria 1L O, yes! hes stake; he had laid against the other such u the you against pushed repetition impossible Oracle representative has beta credj ot money! gis. Ths law of auccessioh now Is Such very hot, Is Fatty. Hea had hia ups to lose a lot ltably jnformed by a housekeeper Then Jerry Emiggins appeared In offloe of President and down, and has always faced the In ths a vacancy that In this city who has had years of of ths United States Is beyond all prob- music bravely. Whether hed a shirt on the paddock, and held conference with txperience in the use of baking ability. If ths President dies ths nla back or a scarf round hia neck. bis patron. The result seemed satispowders, that the Saltair leads takes t . office and holds K He's made money, too, by backing 'em factory to the Utter; he whispered n them ail. She states that not only to few words to his trainer, and Jerry OPPOSITI THl th end of th term. If both the on ths course." Salt Lake Cit, TIMPLB . . from a point of economy if it supeFrom personal experience I knew hurried away again aa though on a die. President and th 1 rior, but the results obtained from the Secretary of State succeeds. Sue- - that was true, and could not help re- m lesion of Importance. It was to, for a man must be dever to that dead heat was never run off! that WRITE FOR PRICES AND DESIGNS. fleeting members the use of thie article far surpassed turn ths upon cession falls la a at make money sport by which moat "They agreed to divide? I asked. Intha Secretary her most of th Including cabinet, and sanguine expectations fc; of us lose our little all and what we art nocently, haring no Idea at that time in ths future she will use no other. f Agriculture. & S. EUMFIKT.n, JAR. GLF.VmNNINa, 0L0. u. SCOTT. ' able to borrow. Yet such a man is, no what bad men will do to get money. and Treaa betratary President. From personal observation of the doubt, more than clever; he does not repeated my "Agreed to divide! remits of the ns of this article, he does. what acornful mind with friend, emphasis. Fancy A V4m hla My Idea la that the wealthy punter Fatty dividing anything with anyunhesitatingly state that th A party f vegetarian, while taking are those who, If they cannot find win body when he had a chance erf collaring Saltair is ths best Baking Powder were attacked by gert, find something else of value, and the lot! When the time arrived for Wk,Ck nth mrketc to not necessarily wait until It la lost running off the dead heat the favorite (INCORPORATED.) P ,v V 7m But th last paragraph may be treat could not be found. Jerry had been Oracle, .! .. jr.at .yur dOtuds, u It, you gd as a philosophical digression, haV- - to the stables surreptitiously and lost Mtkless beset F exclaimed on of the wJTr ng no'relatkm to the story, which was him! rtaker,jew...d OpUefn. j panting with fright After eontinued by my friend a followa: Thla, like other things, is, I am InIrt ALEX L WYATT, Salt Lake City. thl three time a Then Tatty, after a brilliant coup, formed, easliy done when yon know 111 Eye examined free. of hts He some racehorses own., got how to do 1L "Fatty" still goes racing, waa tired of backing other people and la far fatter than ever, especially s, and wished to try how he underneath his while waistcoat Bnt AGENTS FOB could work them under hia own pro- th public do not rush after hla hot Detroit Store Co., Real Company, prietorship and superrlaion. He bad favorites now; and aome of the pnnt-er- e Buffalo John Van A Home Steel Ranges, ik Engine Works, Atla you AWARE that the 8 Crown BsMng Towder is Absolutely Purei that owa hlgh-clahorses. He dglM Coles Air Tight Heater, those who bet for a living and lira Wooden Pulleys, very ots Is guaranteed equal t the best or money cheerfully refunded! goaw that money could he made out of well at times declare that they cm Dodge Powder Works, Worthington Steam Pumps, California DO YOU KNOW la of the chemist one finest the Rocky Kin of out weH as that Profeasor ttIa racM "17, big, only afford to lose when "fatty" wlna, In Celebrated Anchor Brand Cylinder and Revere Rubber Co., Mountain ennnti-- r b- and Powder pronounces Baking w carefully analyzed the leading Dodge Injectors, grater certainty.' He had not a Town. that mxeet Superior tothe Brown A Co., Drill & Tool Steel, Leviathan Belting. a larga ,ptc factory snd wind 'soul above platers; his argument waa YOU AWARE that Hewlett F:ct-.r- . How, . a Bnt Comptttloa. "y. thereby retaining their pnrtty and aroma: while sploee that have that you can win aa much with a bad fP0 80 strong is the desire of the Polk shlpoid fcr thousands of mhos Vos their flavor and strengtn while in transit! with a good one If you can aa horse Miners Tools, Stoves, Tinware, etc., OU XNt)W that Hewlett zJrouors b Grown .Triple Flavoring Extracts are hack him with "confidence to beat county. Or., newspapers to do th pubsad mMa direct from th fruit! flellcjoju lic printing that after one had offered And a General Assortment of Mill Findings. routokindly" rtyethegoods a fair and honest trial, because yuuwlllget Porte. to furnish 10,000 letter head for a cast, In I remarked. Incontrovertible, for your money than in ifYal in-facts. are helping Western Industrie to thrive and flonrleh 4 leryuptlng the story for a moment; th other paid 2 lor the privllag that you Of Hiring hut I never could find worse than doing th Job. Hyt grocer SOUTH 8 Crown Baking Powden, Triple : SSL1 UH (HIT, CH3 that you want Hewlett Brothers HOB 16! 10 JL : IMHOOSE 125 T. SECCSD ft tk no substitutes. HomeOround Bplcra, and aooept uccE8tioM. FATTY'S FAYQRITE. I f i f n ,A r. NO o tht-Th- Vice-Preside- nt lt 6' lt DOLLAR NEED EE PAID UNTIL YOU lol-lo- w i QM ! - - - LOST per-'oh- al ar 1 . -y n-- y. aur-far- Mls-olrlp- WRITE Ysrenri year--com- e I j j well-meani- Wi-m- Mi 1. nti-Uem- ld wn - . pm. ; - Comminiuti. ! ve n H 5SS Elias Morris Sons Company, Bt g, dead-heate- J Vice-Preside- nt ra Marble and Granite, Mantles, Grates, etc. Vice-Presid- nt Geo. M. Scott & Go hbj J " rr Importers ond Dealer ' n' Bar and Sheet Iron, Steel Pipe I A x REAliNDER. gee-gee- se I u tt it",h, - a I X t |