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Show Anecdota Presidentia: Although the White House Is the last place In the world (except Grant's Tomb) you'd expect to find a gag-man, some of our Presidents have fashioned bon mottos that would have earned them berths on leading radio comedians' payrolls. Calvin Coolidge, generally accepted accept-ed as the tightest-lipped of the Chief Executives, has several nifties to his credit. A Washington correspondent questioned him about his reaction to Rupert Hughes' biography debunking de-bunking many of the legends about George Washington. Coolidge gazed out the window and then muttered nasally: "I notice the Washington Monument is still standing." In a discussion on the proper use of a word, Grover Cleveland was surprised to hear a Senator refer to his source as "Daniel Webster's dictionary" dic-tionary" . . . "But my dear Senator," Sena-tor," said Cleveland, "Noah made the dictionary" . . . "Don't be silly," replied the Senator, giving him a scornful look. "Noah built the ark." 'IT CAN'T BE DONE When Wilson was faced with severe se-vere opposition on his League of Nations proposals, the objection, "It can't be done," was familiar to his ears. At such times he would relate this story: A man was telling his son a bedtime story sto-ry about an alligator. It was creeping up behind a turtle, with its mouth wide open. Finally it was within reach but just as Its great jaws were snapping shut, the turtle made a spring, ran up a tree and escaped. "Why, dad," said the boy, "how can a turtle spring and climb a tree?" "Great Scott," replied the father, fa-ther, "he had to!" A Congressional committee was meeting with President Wilson, and, as you can well imagine, many of the good Representatives were shaking shak-ing the walls with their loud, but un-rational un-rational oratory. The Prez listened patiently for a while, and then related re-lated this story: "I am reminded of the old Colored man down in Virginia Vir-ginia who was riding a mule, and who was caught in a violent thunderstorm thun-derstorm . while passing through a dense forest. Although he trembled at the horrifying peals of thunder, he was thankful for the occasional flashes of lightning which enabled him to see his way. At last he prayed: 'O Lawd, if it's jes' the same to you, I'd rather hev a little less noise an' a little more light!' " Theodore Roosevelt had this legend on his White House desk: "The value of a smile costs nothing but creates much. It is rest to the weary daylight to the discouraged sunshine to the sad and nature's best antidote anti-dote for trouble! Yes it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen for it is something that Is no earthly good to anybody until it is given away." A large Republican meeting was attended by a small boy offering for sale four puppies, so young their eyes were still unopened. "Get your McKinley pups!" he shouted, and enjoyed a brisk sale. Two weeks later, the Democrats had a meeting in the same town, and the little boy was again seen hawking an armful arm-ful of pups. "Get your Bryan pups!" he yelled this time. "See here," said an onlooker, "didn't I see you selling 'McKinley pups' here a few weeks ago?" "Yessir," replied the lad meekly, "but these are different they've got their eyes open!" Of course we can't prove it, but George Washington' is alleged ta have become wearied with an official offi-cial investigation which paraded a score of experts through his chambers. cham-bers. "It is my opinion," he is quoted, quot-ed, "that calling many witnesses to prove one fact is like adding a large quantity of water to a small quantity quan-tity of brandy it makes it weak." At Teheran, Stalin drove home a point with a yarn that FDR is said to be chuckling over still. "The neighbor of an Arab sheik," related the Premier, "asked for the loan o) a rope. 'I cannot lend it,' said th sheik, 'I need it to tie up my mill with.' . . . 'But surely," replied th other, you do not tie up your milk with a rope?' " 'Brother,' said the sheik, 'wher you do not want to do a thing, one reason is as good as another.' " FDRoosevelt, commenting on th promise of aid recently sworn by a small pro-Allied nation, told a news paper man that it reminded him ol the story of the Barbados Island and . the last war. The Barbados, witl a standing army of twelve men, wai taking bows because it had "stooc ready." It was later learned that tht island had indeed "stood ready." It the early days of the war, it was dis closed, a cablegram was dispatchec to military leaders of the Alliec command. "Success," it read. "Bar bados is behind you!" |
