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Show vuiv n. GRINNING GRIMSMS. Net Always Funny but Somtlm Original. FUNERAL TO-MORROW. He was a dude. A handsome dude His smile was just too sweet. He saw a girl, A pretty girl, Come gaily down the street. He had the cheek, He tried to speak. And then he nearly choked. She had the gall,. And with parasol m ribs she eentlv poked. on the morrow and wink at the pretty girls, believing, no doubt, that he could be as successful as the other hogs. So on the following afternoon about four o'clock he broke out of his sty (not Harry's)and waited for the young ladles to pass on their retnrn from meeting,' with the intention of making a mash. Jnst as he had become seated Harry espied him and tried to drive him back to the sty, but he refusal to go, they had talked for some time when a young man standing near tried to emphasize Harry's argument with a kick, but the porker dodged and a doctor was called to attend at-tend the young man. After dodging the kicks the porker ran up the street Ihe bed bug, although not a creditable credita-ble animal, can easily exist on tick. TCo, Johnny, a church is not a sleeping sleep-ing car, although it is frequently used as such." Some people would die iftheyeould not kick, and even then they would if they were able. Man stands first among animals except ex-cept when intoxicated then he can't stand anywhere. . No, Willie, a sty on a person's -eye is not so called because it is the abode of a hog, bnt because some cran hath manners characteristic thereof. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" says Shakespeare, but then he never heard the foreman when the devil made a "pi." Conceited young man. "Hereafter 1 will not hide my llaht under a bushel." Crusty old gent. "That's right . You ' might lose it. Take a pint cup." It has been said that "man is the noblest work of God," and there are a straight for a box oa which,, the afore said Harvey was sitting, sending the whole she-bang up in the air, it came down box upermost and the pig continued contin-ued on his way. After an hour's chase Harry finally cornered him close to the ditch whioh the porker refused to cross. Harry streddled the pig and caught hold of his front feet. The porker did not like this and pulled backward throw ing Felt into the ditch and Felt's head felt something harder than Felt had felt since Felt had felt the sterngth of a man who had gently felt Felt's felt hat with a ball bat, the next morning Felt's head felt a great deal larger than Felt's head had felt si nee Felt had felt Felt's head when Felt's head felt as large as Felt's head felt that morning, and ' every one who met Felt would ask Felt how Felt felt and Felt would say Felt felt as though Felt's head felt bigger than Felt's head had ever felt since Felt felt it swell with pride at the advent of Felt Jr. Felt finally got the pig into tfie sty then Felt felt better. great many people in this world who are conceited enough to think that they are that very man. There are a great many men in this world who are generous enough to give a poor iramp all they have when it amounts to a nickel, but then some persons per-sons will give but half of what they have, when it amounts to ten cents. Because our medleal exchange says that every time a man breaks his arm he romits, does it follow that every time a man vomits he has a broken arm? No, .poor devil! Far worse. He may have swallowed a fly. - : Jim Filpmonth. "Is it hot enough . t ". - J3!ff-Banfir- - : Oaeh! gr-r-oh 1 1 ? ? It Is with regret and sorrow that we announce the death ef Jim Flipmouth. We extend onr heartfelt sympathy to the bereaved family. When a person sees the perspiration dropping from your brow and asks, "Is It hot enough for you?" Don't kill him! Don't knock him down! Don't notice him. Jost pass on, he needs not a licking, lick-ing, bnt your sympathy, for when a man gets so far past feeling that he can't flnd out for himself without asking, wSen the fact is so self-evident, it is time be went to Provo. NEW PB0 VERBS. Never borroweth trouble that thon wouldst have none to lend. Never lendeth thy friend thy embrella if thou wlsheth to retain his friendship . Thlnketh twice before thou speaketh and thy mouth will forever remaineth closed. Honor and obey thy father and thy mother if thou wisheth to avoid the .birch. .Smoketh not cigarettes at night it Ihou dost not wish a bad taste in thy month when the morning cometh. Attempeth not to blow the foam from tne water. If thou wisheth to keep nr thyreputlonM ateetotaler- HABBTKm- Mr.HarryFeltowna.";: Is supposed he does, but all . u . , the circus last Sunday thought i?19 jig owned Harry. Harry had s. j trouble with this American hog Snnda'i It happened In about this wise: This porker lives In a sty, not the 01 1 on Harry's eye, but the one in the bac ( yaTd; and Saturday evening he hearda 1 conversation between two young mo I which was about as follows: I Harvey.- (That was not his name ut I we'll call him that for convenience nd the other we'll call Ern for a like ea-son.) ea-son.) "Say Ern let's make a mash!" Ern. "I'd rather have a sour rash, bnt I'll go you one, how'll we no It?' H, "That's easy, we'll wait til tomorrow, to-morrow, then get on our best cbthes and wink at all the protty girls that pass, we'll catch on just like fallfog off a log." - E. "Alright It's a go." Then these two American hogs walked 8,' For seme minutes after ttey had gone the other hog got np on his haun ehes and thought hard, trying to flndj word In the hog vocabulary equivalent to mash, and was just about to give op In dispair when he espied Png j dog, calling Pug the pig asked of 1 "what le a mash?" "a mash" sald 1 "or eour mash is something better ih 1 ditch water, but there is another that is still better, it means to c j to a girl. he i "Oh thanks," eald the pig, rest ' mentally resolved, to go oat in |