Show 1 I a Although the White House is thelast the thelast thelast last place in the world except Grants Grant's Tomb you'd expect to find finda a man gag-man some of our Presidents have fashioned bon mottos that would have earned them berths on leading radio comedians' comedians payrolls Calvin Coolidge generally accepted accept- accept ed od as the tightest-lipped tightest of the Chief Executives has several to his credit A Washington correspondent questioned him about his reaction to co Rupert Hughes' Hughes biography debunking debunking debunking de de- bunking many of the legends about George Washington Coolidge gazed JUt gut the window and then muttered nasally I notice the Washington Monument is still standing In a discussion on the proper use of a word Grover Cleveland was surprised to hear a Senator refer to dictionary dictionary dictionary dic dic- ais lis source as Daniel Websters Webster's But my dear Senator Senator Sena Sena- tor lor said Cleveland Noah made the dictionary Dont be silly replied the Senator giving aim lim a scornful look Noah built the ark I IT CANT CAN'T BE DONE When Wilson was faced with severe severe se se- of vere verc opposition on his League Nations proposals the objection It cant can't be done was familiar to his ears cars At such times he would relate this story A man was telling his son a bedtime story story story sto sto- sto- sto ry about an alligator It was creeping up behind a t with its mouth wide open Finally it was within reach but just as its great jaws were snapping shut the turtle made a spring ran up upa a tree and escaped Wh Why dad said the boy how flow can a turtle spring and climb a tree Great Scott replied the father father fa father fa- fa ther he had to A Congressional committee was meeting with President Wilson and is s you can well imagine many of the die good Representatives were shak- shak jig sig the walls with their loud but un- un rational oratory The Prez listened patiently for a while and then re- re this story I am reminded of the he old Colored man down in Virinia Virinia Vir- Vir finia inia who was riding a mule and who vho was caught in a violent thun- thun while passing through a alens lens lense forest Although f he trembled it the horrifying peals of thunder le se was thankful for the occasional lashes of lightning which enabled l lim um m to see his way At last he prayed rayed 0 O if its it's jes' jes the ame lame to you Id I'd rather hev hey a little ess noise an a little more light 4 Theodore Roosevelt had this t I legend on his White While House desk The value of a smile smile costs costs nothing nothing but but creates much It is rest to the weary weary daylight daylight to the discouraged sunshine discouraged sunshine to the sad sad and and natures nature's best antidote antidote antidote anti anti- dote for trouble Yes Yes Yes-it it cannot be bought begged borrowed or stolen stolen for for it is something that thatis i is no earthly good to anybody anybody- until it is given away A large Republican meeting was by a small boy offering for lor or sale four puppies so young their yes eyes were still unopened Get your McKinley pups he shouted and enjoyed a brisk sale Two weeks ater ster the Democrats had a meeting n the same town and the little soy lOY was again seen hawking an armul armul arm- arm ul l of pups Get your Bryan pups 1 le se yelled this time See See here said an onlooker d I see you selling McKinley ups ups' here a few weeks ago replied the lad meekly but these are d different they've different they've got heir eyes open Of course we cant can't prove it but Washington is alleged to lave save become wearied with an om- om ial investigation which paraded a acore score core of experts through his cham cham- I aers lers It is my opinion he is quoted ed td that calling many witnesses to prove rove one fact is like adding a large luant ty of water to a small Juanity quantity quan- quan ity of brandy brandy it it makes it w ak At Teheran Stalin drove home a point with a yarn that is said saido I 0 o be chuckling over still The f neighbor of an Arab sheik related the he Premier asked for the loan of i 1 rope I cannot lend if it said the sheik I need it to tie up my milk with Nith But surely replied the thesther thesther you do not tie up your milk with th a rope U Brother said the sheik when rou Pou do not want to do a thing one eason reason is as good as another commenting on the promise romise of aid recently sworn by a small mall pro-Allied pro nation told a newspaper newspaper news news- paper aper man that it reminded him of he the story of the Barbados Island and the he last war The Barbados with i 1 standing army of f twelve men was taking salting bows because it had lad stood ready eady It was later learned that the Bland had indeed stood ready In Indie Inthe the die early days of the war it was dis- dis a cablegram was dispatched to military leaders of the Allied Success it read Bar ados jados is behind you |