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Show Matrimonial Adventures The Second Coming of Mrs. Bam s First Husband BY Irvin S. Cobb Author of "Back Horn," "The Hftrupe of Mr. Triinjn," "KoiikIiIkk It IH'I.uve." 'l'Hths of tilory," "Old JtHlsro Priest," Tibbie." "The (il.irjr of lh Coming," "The Thunders of Sl- leuee," "The AbnncUjnrd Farm 's ern," "The HclU'd liuizartl," "J. Polntlextor, Colored," etc CopyrlKht by United Feature Syndicate a -..a- .a..a..a....a..a..a -a-a-a. .-a--' IRVIN S. COBB j s Is there anyone In this country j I who does not know the name of f ' Irvin S. Cobb? Or what that name ? stands for In American literature? i Judging from the way his books ? are taken from the public libraries f and they are too many to be ? named here I should say emphatl- J cally not, He has been and done many f things newspaper man, war tor- ? respondent, author, playwright, j etc., etc.; there isn't space enough ; to chronicle all the ground he has t covered, but from the time he first ? began writing he has been claimed l by his fellow countrymen In a way i that seems to make him belong to f his admirers individually. The au- ? thor who touches us humorously al- . most never fails to do Just that. But It Is his serious side, that side t that gave us "The Belled Buzzard" T series and "The Escape of Mr. ? Trimm," that has added to his great quota of our affections. ? In "The Second Coming of Mrs. f Bain's First Husband," written for I the Star Author Series of Matrl- i monial Adventures, we have a story of marriage of striking originality. T It takes up an old point the nag- ; ging wife in an entirely new fash- ion. " MART STEWART CUTTING, JR. t --a--a--a a--a--a--a-. ......a..a.. a. ..,.) If only Mrs. Thomas Bain had heen content to compare Mr. Thomas Bain with men about him, he, for counterarguments, counter-arguments, would not have been put at a serious disadvantage. Out of her ammunition- locker he might have borrowed bor-rowed shells to fire in his own defense. Did she, for Instance, cite the polished beauty of Mr. So-aml-So's drawing-room behavior, speaking with that subtle in- "" ' flection which as good as said that his own society manners left much to he desired, Mr. Bain's rebuttal would have been prompt and ready. He would have spoken right up to point out the fact that So-and-So notoriously neglected neglect-ed his family or that he drank entirely too much for his own good, or that he ). habitually failed to pay his just debts. Mr. Bain was no scandal-monger, understand. un-derstand. Still a man must fight back ' with such weapons as he may com mand. But Mrs. Bain's method of attack ' was entirely too subtle for him; It left J him practically weaponless. Out In the world he amply was competent to fend i for himself. Beneath the domestic roof-tree, where his wife sat In judg ment on him, his ways, his small short-r short-r comings or his larger faults, he com- V pletely was at a loss for proper rehut- tal. It gave him such a helpless feei-- tng! It would have given any normal man a helpless feeling. And Mr. Bain was In all essential regards a normal tnan a good citizen, a good provider and, as husbands go, an average fair husband. I would do Mrs. Bain no Injustice. She was a normal woman, too. But it Is only natural that when destiny has fashioned an advantage to fit our hands that we should employ It. Her advantage advan-tage was a very great one. Her criticisms criti-cisms of Mr. Bain took the form of measuring him off against the conceived picture of her first husband. And her first husband was dead. Now, In common decency, an honorable Q man and Mr. Bain was an honorable man may not speak ill of the dead. What Is more, had he, under stress of provocation, been minded to retort that ' after all Mrs. Bain's first husband was not exactly perfection either, he could ff have produced no proof to support the 'r' assertion. For he had never seen his predecessor. He knew nobody who had known the deceased. The present i ' Mrs. Bain had been for three years a widow when first he set eyes on her. She had lately returned then from Honolulu; It was In Honolulu that she had heen bereft, as the saying Is, by the hnnd of death. And Honolulu Is a long distance from Brockwuy, Mass., where Tom Bain's people, a slay-at-home stock, had lived these five generations gen-erations past. So, on those frequently recurring occasions oc-casions when Mrs. Bain, with a saddened, sad-dened, almost a wistful, air was moved to remind herself of her first husband's marvelous qualities temperament, disposition, dis-position, tact, amiability or what not there was for her second husband nothing noth-ing to do but to suffer on In an Impotent Impo-tent silence. It Is not well that anyone on this earth and more especially a husband should be required to uffer discomforts In silence. Suffering calls for vocal expression. ; Otherwise, as human beings go, Mr. end Mrs. Bain were well suited one for the other. It was that dead first hus-f hus-f hnnd of hers, who, Invoked by her, kept rising up to mar the reasonable happiness happi-ness which might have been theirs. The J- tiling was getting on his nerves. In deed, at the time this hrlefened narrative narra-tive begins, It already had got upon his nerves. He had come to the point - .' where frequently hp ,?Ished there had never been u tirst husband. There were even times when he al- 'jnost permitted himself the wish that f there never had been such things as second husbands, either. With the acute vividness of a war scarred veteran remembering the first time he was shot, he could reconstruct the occasion when Mrs. Bain's former husband first came Into his life. They had been married just two months then. The honeymoon was In its last quarter. If the couple were ever to go along together lu harmony the time had now come when mutual understanding under-standing must succeed the period of adjustment and balance. She had the benefit of experience on her side; for she had been through the process once before. Tom Bain might be a green hand at this business of being married, but, subconsciously, he was beginning to adjust himself In his ordained and proper place in the matrimonial scheme as It related to him and this very chnrming lady. In other words, he had reached the place where he was slipping slip-ping out of the bridegroom pose Into the less studied and more matter-of-fact status of a husband. He was ready to quit acting a part and be his own self again always, though with regard re-gard for the limitations and restrictions restric-tions Imposed by the new estate upon which he had entered. The campaign against him we may as well call It a campaign opened on the evening following their return from the trip to White Sulphur. That first day at his desk had been a hard one; so much which seemed to require his personal attention had accumulated while he was away. He left the office pretty well tired out. On his way home he built up a pleasant vision of a nice quiet little dinner and then a peaceful hour or so In the living room In slippers slip-pers and an old smoking jacket. Mrs. Bain met him at the door with a greeting that put him In thorough good humor. This, he decided, was the best of all possible worlds to live in and his, undoubtedly, was the best of all possible possi-ble ways of living. "You're late, dearest," she said. "You've just time to run upstairs and slip on your evening clothes. I've laid them out for you." "Why, there's nobody coming in for dinner. Is there?" he asked. She drew away from him slightly. "No, there's no one coming," she said. "What difference does that make?" "Well," he said. "I'm rather fggged out, and I sort of thought that, seeing there'd be only the two of us, I'd come to the table just as I am." "Very well, dear," she said, "sa.lt yourself." But he took note that she had shortened short-ened the superlative "dearest" to "dear." Also she slipped herself out of the circlet of his encircling arm. Suddenly there was a suggestion a bare trace of an autumnal chill in the air. But, as a newly married man, how could he suit himself? He clad himself in the starchy shirt, the high, tight collar col-lar that pinched his throat, the pinchy patent leathers, and all the rest of the funeral regalia in which civilized man encases himself on any supposedly festal fes-tal occasion. She gave him an approving approv-ing look when, ten minutes later, he presented himself before her. "Tom," she said as they sat down, "I think you always should dress for dinner. din-ner. Arthur always said that a gentleman gentle-man should dress for dinner." He stared at her, puzzled. "Arthur?" he echoed. 'Who's Arthur?" Ar-thur?" "My first husband," she explained. "Arthur looked so well In his evening clothes." "Oh 1" he said, like that. That was all he said for a minute or so. He was thinking. . She was thinking, too. Practically all women are popularly supposed to have Intuition, and certainly this particular woman had her share of It. Probably It was In that very moment of reflection reflec-tion that the lady decided on a future plan of action. At any ra!e, this was the beginning. Eventually, Mr. Bain awoke to a realization realiza-tion that he was the victim of a gentle tyranny that he had fallen captive to a combination enemy made up of an affectionate af-fectionate If somewhat masterful lady and the memory of a dead and gone personality. Mrs. Bain's first husband was persistently dogging Mrs. Bain's second husband. Daily, after one fashion fash-ion or another, the latter was reminded remind-ed of the late Arthur. Arthur. It seemed, had never lost his temper. What made the comparison hurt the more was the Indubitable fact that Mr. Bain occasionally did lose his. Arthur had never raised his voice above the low-pitched key of Innate refinement no matter how Irritated he might be. Arthur had been so tidy ; never left his clothes lying about where he dropped them. Arthur had not given her a cross word in all the seven years of their life together. Arthur Invariably had heen so considerate of her feelings. It was Arthur this and It was Arthur that. She realized her power and she used It. Mrs. Bain's first husband was ever, so to speak, at the elbow of Mrs Bain's second husband, hy proxy chiding chid-ing him. admonishing him, correcting him, scolding him, even. And for all that he naturally was a sunny-natured and companionable person, per-son, Mrs. Bain's second husband was. at the end of the first year of his married mar-ried life, In a fair way to become a most unhappy person. Their matrimonial matri-monial craft was sliding down the rap-Ids rap-Ids toward a thundering Niagara; and she didn't realize It and he, thoroughly thorough-ly under the dominion of forces with which he found himself powerless to cope, only dimly and dully appreciated the peril. He wanted above all things to have and to hold his wife until death did them part. But always there was Arthur tagging along, making a crowd of three of what otherwise might have been a congenial company of two. But, as some one has most aptly said, It's always darkest just before the dawn. In this Instance, though, deliverance de-liverance came to the oppressed, not with the graduations of the spreading dawn, but rather with the solid emphasis em-phasis of a bolt from the blue. There had been an evening of bridge with the Tatums and Bain, who played well, hud for a partner Mrs. Talum, wdio didn't. It Is barely possible that he had betrayed be-trayed a passing emotion of testlness once or twice. At midnight, as they were entering their home, Mrs. Bain renewed her remarks on a matter to which reference already had twice been made on the way home In the cab. "My dear," she was saying, "I really must repeat again that, to my way of thinking, no amount of exasperation could have justified you In showing your feelings as you did show them at least twice at that card table. Now, Arthur would never " At this Instant Mr. Bain's finger found the push-button Just Inside the jamb of the living-room door and the lights flashed on. What next ensued the vocal part of It, I mean might have suggested to an eavesdropper, had there heen one, that the vowel sounds In their proper order were being be-ing repeated hy two persons laboring under strong excitement. "Eh?" That was his astounded ejaculation. ejacu-lation. "E-e-e-e!" A shrill outcry, part scream, part squeal, from her, "I I" Mr. Bain again. "Oh I" Mrs. Bain's turn. "You I" Her startled gasp of recognition. recogni-tion. "Yes, Evelyn, that's who It Is." This,' In matter-of-fact toues, was a third voice speaking. After this for a moment the spell of a terrific fascination held both Mr. and Mrs. Bain silent. Standing In the middle of the floor, facing them, was a shadow. I use the word advisedly. With equal propriety I might write down "apparition" or "wraith" or "shape" or "spirit" to describe de-scribe that which confronted them. I prefer "shadow." It had the outline, somewhat wavery and uncertain, of a man. It had the voice of a man a voice calm, assured, almost casual. It had the garb of a man, or at least It had the nebulous faint suggestion of garbing. But If had no substance to it, none whatsoever. It had no definable color, either. It had rather the aspect of a figure of man done In lines of very thin smoke. You could look right through it and distinguish, as through a patch of haze, the pattern of the wall-paper behind be-hind it. And now, as It spoke again, you could, In some Indefinable sort of way, see its voice starting from down in its chest and traveling on up and up and so out of its lips. It was no more than a patch of fog, modeled by some unearthly magic Into vaporous semblance sem-blance of a human form. It was Inconceivable, In-conceivable, Impossible, an incredible figment of the imagination, and yet there it was. Its second speech was addressed to Mr. Bain, who had frozen where he was, his finger still touching the pushbutton, push-button, his eyes enlarged to twice their size and his, lower jaw sagged. "You are astonished? Permit me to introduce myself. I am Arthur Mrs. Bain's first husband. I am glad to meet you." Mr. Bain, under this shock, came to himself. The shackles of twelve months of hottled-In restraint fell from him "Are you?" he answered. "Well, I'm d d If I'm glad to meet you." "I understand." The voice was gentle, gen-tle, almost compassionate. "You will he glad later on, I think very glad. Shall we sit down all of us?" The Thing took a chair. And the back of the chair cloudily revealed Itself It-self as a sub-motif for the half-materialized torso of Its occupant. Mechanically, Me-chanically, moving Jerkily. Mr. Bain followed suit; he likewise took a chair. Mrs. Rain, uttering choked whimpering sounds down in her throat, already had fallen upon a couch and was huddled hud-dled there. It was just as well the couch had heen handily near hy. for her legs would no longer support her. Her first husband we may as well call him that turned to her. "Control yourself, Evelyn," he hade her. "There Is no occasion for any excitement. ex-citement. Besides, those curious sounds which you are now emitting annoy me. I haven't long to stay and I have much to say." He cleared his throat the process might be followed with the eye as well as by ear and proceeded. "I have been endeavoring for months past to bring about this meeting. In fact, ever since shortly after your second sec-ond marriage to this gentleman, I have striven to return to earth for the one purpose which brings me tonight. But It was difficult very difficult." He sighed a visible sigh. "It Is not permitted per-mitted that I should explain the nature of the obstacles. I merely state that they were very great. As you will notice, no-tice, I am not able even yet to attain the seeming solidity weight and specific density which I craved to take on. So I Just came along In the somewhat sketchy and Incomplete guise in which you now see me. "My reason for coming is simple. I desire to see justice done. Where I was. I could not rest In peace knowing that you, Evelyn, were lying so outrageously out-rageously and. what was worse, making mak-ing me an unwitting accomplice, as It were, to your lying campaign. "Evelyn, you hnve been a foolish, wicked woman. Yotr have done this gentleman here" Including Mr. Rain, with a wave of a spectral arm "n cruel wrong. But what, from my point of view is even worse, you have done me a grave wrong as well. I may be only a memory I may say that, precisely. pre-cisely. Is what I am but even a memory mem-ory hns Its feelings, its sense of responsibility. re-sponsibility. Its obligations to itself. "Very well, hnvl-ig made tl.ct point clear, I shall proceed: Sir, for marly a year past you have been Intimidated hy the conslnntly presented linage of a fabulous creature. Your peace of mind has been seriously affected. Before Be-fore your eyes I have been held up as a paragon I. And I resent the slander slan-der on my name. It has been an Insult In-sult whl.:h no self-respecting memory should be compelled to stand. Sir, I wish you to know the truth. I was not a paragon, and I thank God for it. I was not the perfect husband this woman would have you believe. I was fussy, faulty, crochety and I am proud of It." "Oh, Arthur I" Mrs. Bain, under attack, at-tack, was reviving, was rallying to her own defense as powers of coherent speech returned to her. "Don't 'Oh, Arthur' me," he snapped, "but listen: And you, too, sir. If you will be so good. We quarreled frequently fre-quently In those years of our married life. She complained of my brusque ways, of my Ills of Irritability, of my refusal to like many of the people that she persisted In liking, of my tastes and my habits and Inclinations. She didn't care for some of my friends; I didn't care for some of hers. I objected object-ed to any number of things about her and rarely refrained from saying so. She has told you that between us there was never a cross word. Bah I There were tens of thousands of cross words. When we got on each other's nerves, which was often, neither of us hesitated hesi-tated to let It be known. When we disagreed dis-agreed over something or anything we argued it out. We loved each other, but merely loving did not make either of us angelic. We quarreled and made up and quarreled some more. We fell out and we fell back together again. There were times when we were like a pair of cooing doves and again there were times wdien the proverbial monkey and parrot had little If anything any-thing on us. In short, and in fine, sir, we behaved just as the average reasonably rea-sonably well-mated married .couples do behave. And for my own sake, and Incidentally In-cidentally for yours, sir, I would not have you believe differently. ' "That, I believe, is practically all I had to say to you. Having said It. I wisli to add a final word to our wife, here. Evelyn, speaking with such authority au-thority as is befitting a first husband. I wish to state that, so far as my observations ob-servations from another sphere have gone, your present husband is a first-rate first-rate fellow. I like to think of him as my successor. And I Intend to see that he has a fair deal from you. I Irust this visit from me has been a lesson to you. Hereafter, in your dealings deal-ings with him you will please be so good as to stand on your own merits. You will kindly refrain from dragging me into your arguments as an advocate on your side. My stock of patience Is no greater than it was before I became be-came a memory remember that. I sincerely trust it will not be necessary for me to-admonish you personally a second time. Because I warn you here and now that next time I shall return under circumstances that will be most embarrassing to you. Next time there will be no privacy about my appearance; appear-ance; I shall come to you In public. You'll be a talked-ahout woman, Evelyn. Eve-lyn. There'll be pieces about you In the paper and spiritualists and trance mediums and delvers into the occult a meddlesome, noisy lot. too, I may add will make your life a burden for you. So have a care, Eevlyn 1 "Sir, to you I extend my best wishes. I'm sorry we didn't meet before. But, some of these days we'l! ,nake up for lost time when you join me on the plane where I am at present residing. Well, I guess that will he about all. . . . Oh, If you don't mind, I'll Just dissipate dis-sipate Into air and float up the chimney chim-ney it's more convenient." Out of a nothingness near the fireplace came a voice, growing thinner and fainter: "Good-by, Bain, old chap. Good-by, Evelyn and don't forget." It was at this juncture that Mrs. Rain went off into a swoon. It also should be noted that, even as he sprang to her side to revive her. Mr. Bain wore on his face a look of husbandly solicitude and concern, but bis feet twittered a dance measure. Personally, I do not believe In ghosts. I assume, readers, that you do not believe be-lieve in ghosts, either. But Mrs. Bain does, and as for Mr. Bain, he .does, too, firmly and. as a happily married man. he is every day renewing and strengtn-ening strengtn-ening his belief in them. |
