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Show o UhAinhs about U. S. Lags Behind. HOLLYWOOD, CALIF. What I saw at the national na-tional air races in Los Angeles set me to thinking. It's a dangerous dan-gerous thing thinking is and nearly always upsetting to the peace of mind. ' I'm thinking that no longer is the nin, rir firct lir,o nf rnfncfi nnr the army the second line. I'm thinking that the chief peril and the chief security securi-ty from that peril-is peril-is in the air now. And of all the great powers, we are the most woefully woe-fully behind in the matter of airplane protection. It would take us two years to make our air force as strong as it was Irvin S. Cobb four years ago. It would take infinitely in-finitely longer than that to make it as strong as the present footing of any country which conceivably might attack us. Well, we could always lock the stable after the horse was gone if the stable hadn't been blown fiat. Rules for Long Life. A JAPANESE doctor has landed with the word that, by following follow-ing a few simple rules, a fellow lives to be 240 years old. He didn't say, but I figure this applies only to those of us who never go motoring. motor-ing. The principal rules are to sleep on a hard mattress with a metal pillow and learn to wriggle like a goldfish. Whether, in time, the beginner be-ginner sprouts 'gills and a fantail is not stated, but it sounds plausible. I've already spoken to a tinsmith about a pillow and, on awakening this morning, made a few experimental experi-mental wriggles. My intentions might fool some people, but I don't believe they'd fool a goldfish, unless he'd been drinking or something. I'm afraid my finning was faulty. Besides, I didn't feel any too dignified digni-fied greeting the dewy dawn by behaving goldfishiously. War Names Confusing. NOT content with coining eighty or ninety separate different and confusing names for the opposing oppos-ing forces in Spain, the correspondents correspond-ents have gone and thunk up a plum bran' new one extremists. Maybe, though, the point is well taken. The dispatches would seem rather to indicate that quite a number num-ber of persons over there have lately late-ly shown a tendency to verge toward to-ward the extreme. And picking out the various parties par-ties mixed up in the French politi-. politi-. cal mess that's another tough job. Only today I ran into this one left-centrist. left-centrist. It sort of suggests Ty Cobb in his palmy days, covering the outfield. But that couldn't be because be-cause the French don't go in- for baseball. They prefer dueling as being be-ing just as exciting. I must say it's discouraging just when, by following the news from Paris, I'm beginning to get the Reds unscrambled from the Pale Pinks, and the Mauves from the Heliotropes, Helio-tropes, and the Holy Rollers from the Merry Widows, to have this added add-ed complication bust right in my face. Looks as though I'll have to start it all over again. How to Reduce. EVER since the day when I was known among friends as Thyroid Thy-roid Deficiency Irvy, the human detour, de-tour, I've fought the losing fight against overweight. I tried dieting and became the best friend the American spinach industry in-dustry ever knew, yet had only to turn my head to brag and I re-gamed, re-gamed, practically instantaneously, what I'd lost. I exercised until I had the jitters, but when I'd taken off half a pound, it bounced right back while the doctors were reviving reviv-ing me. But now I've found the absolutely absolute-ly certain cure for reduction. It's working in a moving picture with httle Jane Withers. When she ets the pace you can track yourself back home by your own perspiration. perspira-tion. Another engagement with Janie and I could be rented out as my own living skeleton. Has Memories of Valencia. IT'S hard to concentrate on pennant pen-nant fights in the big leagues when we read of war-racked Spain, with 100,000 already dead. I hope the lovely old city of Valencia Va-lencia has escaped the common ruin. ru-in. Seven years ago I was traveling travel-ing around and about over three continents, and at every stop had listened morning, noon and night, to the song "Valencia." So a friend and I made a pilgrimage pilgrim-age to the town in which presumably, presum-ably, the thing originated, and Valencia Va-lencia turned out to be the one spot on the map where nobody had ever played that tune or sung it or hummed it or whistled it, or even heard of it. It was indeed a relief. So we stayed a week. The sherry-and-egg before luncheon was also quite good all but the egg! i IRVIN S. COBB C-WN'f Service. Largest Battleship The largest English warship Is the battle cruiser "Hood," which weighs 42,100 tons ana has a main battery of eight 15 - inch guns. However, the ship with the greatest great-est armament is the battleship "Rodney," which weighs 33,903 tons and has a main battery of nine 16-inch guns. The largest United States battleship is the "Maryland," which weighs 37,500 tons and has a main battery of eight 16-inch guns. Detroit News. |
