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Show Kathleen Norris Says: Is Infidelity a Reason for Divorce? Bell Syndicate WNU Features. j film Going out, I stopped'at her table, was introduced to the young lieutenant the had with her, and asked whose guest she was. She answered "Carroll's." By KATHLEEN NORRIS AS IT is not humanly pos-A- sible for any man and woman to continue to regard each other through the eyes of young lovers, a question all women should ask themselves is: "what percentage per-centage of that old glamour, devotion, confidence, admiration admira-tion am I taking with me into the hard middle years?" You can't take it all. Nobody No-body ever did. When any woman tells me that she and her Algernon feel toward each other today exactly as they did on that June morning 17 years ago, when to the strains of Mendelssohn, in a bath of roses and sunshine, they came down the church steps together, to-gether, I merely feel that she is ' weak-witted. Or I give Algernon's calling list a pretty sharp glance. True married life is the happiest life of all, for man or woman. Its tenderness, its companionship, its mutual restfulness and support and comfort are among the few miracles of the world. Real marriage goes on through fire and flood, through grief and war and change and poverty, pov-erty, through joy and success and health and illness. Those who know it know the very deeps of human emotion. Demands High Price. But this oneness of body and mind and spirit demands a high price. It often demands a time of bitter disillusionment, dis-illusionment, loneliness, purgation, while the romantic, ecstatic bride changes her dream lover for an everyday, ev-eryday, commonsense, affectionate and comfort loving man, who likes a quiet house and a hot dinner, and a pretty, sweet-tempered woman to preside over both. A man with faults, selfish sometimes, unreasonable unreason-able sometimes, extravagant or thoughtless or lazy or exacting sometimes. But more than a man, a husband, a partner going beside you through all your days, so that you will never be lonely; never lack a friend to whom to turn in trouble, never lack a companion as eager as you are to plan changes and good times. Not every bride and groom, unfortunately, un-fortunately, can achieve a happy marriage. Boys are too little trained in consideration and simple goodness; good-ness; girls are too often extravagant, extrava-gant, restless, and inclined to regard re-gard wedlock as a springboard to other tilings. But when a man and woman do live through the hard times and come out into the sunshine sun-shine of a permanent, affectionate, stable relationship, it is a very beautiful beau-tiful thing. Life holds no finer. Marital Road Roughens. Wanda, who writes me from Portland, Port-land, has reached a very difficult bit of her marital road and wants advice. She has been married 14 years and has three daughters, 12, 10 and 4. "Carroll is the handsomest man I ever saw." writes Wanda. "He is six feet tall, fair, and full of life and fun. My girls and I adore him, we have a lovely home with a large garden, his father and mother are devoted to me, money is more than sufficient, and I have a splendid cook in the kitchen. Juanita and Yvonne are darling normal girls, happy in school, and my little pet Consuelo or Tootoo as we call her is the delight of us all. At any time during my married life I would have said I was the happiest woman in the world. "But about six weeks ago when Carroll and I had the two older girls at the club for dinner, I saw a NOT IN HEAVEN Whatever the proverbs tell us, the fact remains that while marriages may indeed be "made in Heaven" their success suc-cess depends on such down-to-earth qualities as patience, kindness and confidence. The "Wanda" ivhose problem Kathleen Norris discusses this time, is the wife of a man she and her daughters adore. Until Un-til now her life has been happy hap-py and secure. Should she divorce her husband for being unfaithful to her? Or should she just "take it" for the sake of the children? You will be interested in reading why she should "take it," and why she will win by doing so. quiet young girl we have known for some years; she works in the same office as my husband. Something in a glance this girl gave him from time to time disturbed me in a way I cannot describe. For the first time in my life sickening suspicion and jealousy began deep within me, and I felt faint. "I said that I was surprised to see Rose there as I would not suppose sup-pose that she could belong to the club. My husband said quietly that she must have a guest card. Going out, I stopped at her table, was introduced in-troduced to the young lieutenant she had with her, and asked whose guest she was. She answered 'Carroll's.' " "That she would call him by his first name was a shock to me; later I spoke to him about it. He said that all the girls at the office were entertaining our soldiers, but that he 'would like to know who the deuce that man was.' Three times later he repeated this, in a musing sort of way. Finally he said he thought he would telephone her and find out. He made a little fuss looking up her telephone number, and I think then that I knew. For Carroll has often had to telephone Rose from the office, of-fice, and knows her number well. Only he didn't know that I realized that. "I stood it for two weeks, every word and glance of his confirming my fears. Then I asked him, and he admitted that he and Rose have been lovers for more than three years. He told me that if I would divorce him he would of course marry mar-ry Rose; that he loved her. But he does not want me to divorce him, feeling that it would hurt the girls. Tell me what to do! Am I to take this sitting down, let it go on, suffer the ruin of my life and the breaking of my heart, and remain sweet and serene, the happy wife of that wonderful won-derful man and the mother of his three beautiful girls?" Well, I think the answer to that last question is a qualified "yes." But it won't break your heart nor ruin your life, and the sooner you take Carroll down from his pedestal ped-estal and begin to regard him as a mere man, capable of weakness, susceptible to flattery and willing to satisfy his vanity by an occasional extramarital conquest, the happier you will be. Divorce Brings Misery. To give him a divorce would make you all miserable; Carroll, Rose, yourself and the girls. This is one of the most expensive mistakes that a wife can make, and it inevitably ends in disaster. Instead, make yourself so charming, charm-ing, so complete, so entirely self-sufficient self-sufficient a woman that Carroll can't help comparing you, in your competence compe-tence and beauty and security and proud motherhood with the home breaker with whom he now fancies himself in love. You hold all the winning cards, and Rose knows it. |