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Show PIWV thinks Sabout: Saluting the President SANTA MONICA, CALIF. Top of the morning to you, Mr. President Elect! Many happy returns! But you've already seen the happy returns, haven't you? We've been behind you right along. At times, some of us may have been so far behind you we couldn't seem to see you, at all. But why bring that r77f up now? ii" As for those who j 4 voted the opposition I 1 ticket well, Ameri- I ," 1 cans may be greedy T- to win, but they re i. 1 sporty losers. Be- 1 x I sides, it'll soon b e l I hard to find anybody r. " wno was against f yu- Among the multitude, the patri- Irvin S. Cobb ot who actual'y opposed op-posed you except maybe in a whimsical spirit will be as lonesome as an honest bone in the average beauty-contest promoter's pro-moter's body. Synthetic Napoleon Brandy I WILL now tell about Napoleon brandy. Napoleon brandy is any brandy more than four years old, if poured from a dark bottle with an "N" on it and decorated with cobwebs applied by an expert cobweb cob-web - twiner before being served; price $1.50 to $3 per slug at your favorite robbers' cave. More genuine guaranteed Napoleon Napo-leon brandy is sold every month in New York night clubs alone than all of the regular Napoleons, numbered, num-bered, respectively, I, II and III ever saw. What brought these interesting statistics to mind was running into a collector of Napoleon brandies. Why, some of his specimens must date back as far as 1914. But my aim is to collect the pistols pis-tols carried by Jesse James and the handcuffs worn by Billy the Kid. It's a great ambition, but may run into money because it will take a large hall to contain all the Jesse James six-shooters and all the Billy the Kid handcuffs I've seen. Hurrying to Get Nowhere WHEN I see a motormaniac burning up the road and feel confident that, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, there's no earthly need for his hurry, I think of a Japanese , gentleman who visited a typical New York go-getter. They started downtown. The guide hurried his guest aboard a subway local, yanked him off at Times Square, jammed him on a packed express, pulled him out of the express ex-press further down and violently inserted him into another overflowing overflow-ing local. When they emerged at a way-station, the Japanese was badly bruised, rumpled and trampled. tram-pled. He limped to his host's office, where they sat down with practically practi-cally nothing to do except relax. So he asked why they'd changed cars so often when the original train would have brought them along. "Oh," said the New Yorker, "doing "do-ing that, we save six minutes." The oriental sucked in his breath politely and did some pondering. "And what," he murmured then, "what were you going to do with the six minutes?" Cobb's Pet Annoyances SOMEBODY writes in, demanding demand-ing to know what my pet loathings loath-ings are. Well, let's see: Is it the fellow who, having heard every blamed word you said, waits until you're all through and then says, "What?" Or the barber who, having finished fin-ished the job, grabs up a towel and dabbles you with ninety hundred and seventy-four separate and distinct dabs? Or the clerk who, when you go Jn for a pair of socks, tries to sell you everything in the store, including includ-ing some p a ja m a s that you wouldn't be caught dead in? Or the orator who says "one last word" and buries that last word under about five thousand other words? Or the solicitor who begins by asking for just a minute and hangs on until you begin to figure the present Christian era must be approaching ap-proaching its close? Stage and Stock Market IT'S curious that two of the most fascinating and envied professions financiering and acting do not necessarily call for intelligence. Not that there aren't brilliant persons per-sons a-plenty engaged in both lines. But the mimetic quality, the knack of rendering other people's lines, perhaps without ever understanding under-standing them, may be but a sublimated sub-limated emotional instinct, just as sometimes the ability to make great gobs of money has nothing to do with brains, or rather brains have nothing to do with it. A certain man can smell out a hidden dollar exactly as a rat terrier sni.Ts behind be-hind the wainscoting the rat which another dog would pass unnoticed. There are young ladies capably interpreting classic roles who prcb-abiy prcb-abiy think Salome is the name of an Italian sausage. IRVIN S. COBB. WNC 5crv.ee. |