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Show ABuncliofStoryettes Orave and Gay, Historical, Epigram-., Epigram-., matlc and Otherwise. T - . - --- In the opinion of most people, the. late den. I.cw Wallace's fame as soldier Is somewhat overshadowed by his enviable position as in nuthir. That such was not the case In the mind of one young lady, ot least. Is evidenced by the following fol-lowing anecdote, which coiim from Crnwfordsvllle. I ml., the home of tho author of "lien Ilur:" There appeared In the little Indiana town nm. day tl girl who seemed to lie u wide-awake young American and who was eager to seo nil tho sights In Crnwfordsvllle. She had been told that Clen. Wallace's homo was worth seeing, so she went ulonu to the house and asked for Mrs. Wallace, who received her In the spirit of kindness and true hospitality. The girl told Mrs. Wallace Wal-lace that as Oen. Wallace hud served In the war she was eitger to seo his homo and learn more about him. So Mrs. Wallace Wal-lace showed the girl nil over the house. The girl was deeply Interested In viewing certain relics of the ltcbclllon, and even laid her hand tenderly on Oen. Wallace s sword. Finally Mrs. Wallace took the girl Into a den thnt seemed rich In Interest. Inter-est. With the greatest possible pride Mrs. Wallace said: "This room will Interest In-terest you moro than any other l.t the house, for lit this desk Oen. Wallace wrote the greater part of 'Ilen-lliir.' " The girl looked up with interested, wide-open wide-open eyes. "Wrote Itcn-llur7' " she repeated. re-peated. "Why, does Oen. Wnllaco write, too 7" There is no section of the Union where the people tnke so cheerful n view of their own troubles nmong themselves ns the South. They will even stand a llltlo fun on the subject of their educational needs from Northern visitors. The superintendent super-intendent of South Carolina's schools, Mr. O. P. Martin, read nt the conference for education In the South nt Columbia Inst week some nnswers which had been given to quesMons put In nil examination of persons who were nupposed to he qualified qual-ified to teach In the public schools. Thev ran like this. "What is Hie alimentary cnnul?" "The French government began It nnd failed, but llnoscvelt is now behind It. mid It will be put through." "How do you promoto tho health of your pupils?" "MiiKe them wnhh often and set fur apart." It may be noted that though these nnswers nn-swers may reveal deilclent knowledge, they reveal a good deal of practical wisdom. wis-dom. SoutU Carolina need not be ashamed of them. The following storv Is proudly current In Kentucky. When Adam nnd Eve were turned out of Kden they mndo implication implica-tion to bo taken ns soon as tmssiblo In the blue grass region of Kentucky. Hut the I-ord snld, "Oh, no; that would ha about Hi same thing as staying In Kden." Hut they begged so hard that he finally let them go. The devil wanted to :t with them, hut tho Lord sent him to llrenthltt county, or which ho has hud possession ever since. Miss Kstelle Heel, tho general superintendent superin-tendent of the government's Indian schools, was talking nhnut cruelly. "Cruelty," she said, "Is lack of Imagination. Imagi-nation. It Isn't true that only snvogca are cruel. All people nre cruel. Children, Chil-dren, till they have learned to think, are cruel Invorlnbly." Miss Heel smiled. "Let me tell you nbout u little loy," she sold, "To this little boy them were given two Images of plnster, coated on ttio outside with pink siignr. Ho minted to eut the Images, hut he was warned on no account to do so. " "They nrn poison,' he was told. 'If you ent them. It will kill you.' "However, the little boy was dubious. He had been cheated before this by grown-up people. Day after day he nuked nuk-ed If he might not ent the Images. Finally Final-ly he had a young friend, Richard llnwe, to spend the day with him. nnd that night It was discovered thnt one of the Images had dlsnppenr.il. "Ills mother, nearly1 frantic, rushed to him. . " 'Harold,' she snld, 'where Is that pink Imnge?" "Harold frowned as he answered de-llnnllv: de-llnnllv: i " 'I gave It to rtlchard Howe, und If he's nllvo to-morrow I'm going to eat the other one myself.' " "That Is false logic," said Congressman Hepburn, In the course of tin address. "Such logic as that reminds me of the reasoning of n certain surgeon. "This surgeon, ono Saturday ufternoon, performed beforo a lurge class, In a fine" amphitheater, boiiio thirty swift opera-tlons. opera-tlons. At Hie end, ns hn was washing bis hands, a young asslstnnt tiptoed over to him nnd whispered In his cur: "'la the Hlgglns case, sir, thero sp-pears sp-pears to hnvo been soma mlstnka' "'A mistake In the Hlgglns case? I think not,' snld the surgeon, " 'Yes.' the other Insisted. 'You cut off Hlggln'n wrong leg. sir.' " 'Oh, well, that Is of no consequence." snld the surgeon. We cun euro the other one, so It conies to the same thing In the end." " In some sections of Illinois corn cobs nrn grcnlly sought after for fuel, und Speaker Cannon tells this story nbout u Iireucher who wanted a load of cobs to lurn: "The preacher wns a very courteous man and wrote the gentleman who dealt In cobs: " 'Dear Mr. IS.: Please send'bo a load of cobs. I thank you In advance. Yours In the gospel. II. M.' "Tho gcntlenmn sent tho cobs and this note: "Dear Sir: Here s your cobs as er order. or-der. Yours In the cob business. r.. It Is told of Secretary Tuft that it Is his wish that the clerks In his department havo a good record for paying their debts, hut he has not reached the point where he has issued the ukase "pay your debts or get out." Not long ngo un un-fnitunnte un-fnitunnte clerk who had roundel up In the clutches nf the Shylocks who let money nt 333 cents per year, was called on by the blood money man. nnd falling to get n payment he sought the secretary. "How much money did this clerk lior-row lior-row of you?" asked tho secretary, after listening to the Shylock's tnln of woe, "Fifty dollars," wus the answer. "How much has he paid you?" "Flfty-flvii dollars, but the papers. exe clitlng them In order to mnke the loan nnd the Interest amounts now to seventy dollars." "You nre nn Amerlcnn citizen?" "Certainly, sir.' "And believe In n hereafter?" "Of course." "Then, sir, nil I care to say Is that I shall not force this voting man lo nay you the money, nnd I sincerely trust that you will seek forgiveness and make an effort to not Innd In purgatory or u worse place." -fc Senator Ilerry of Arkansas was talking talk-ing nbout shorthand. He praised It high, ly. Then sad: "Tho best shorthand writer I over knew worked for the State ot Arkansas during my term as governor. "This young nan told me one dny somo stories of the ('.'llcultles of shorthand. "lie said Hint when he was eighteen he wnikcd for un Imisirtant newspaper. He wns a beginner at shorthand then. He often found It dltllcutt to read his own notes "Well, ho reported, one night, u half-hour's half-hour's Installnient of u great nrnlor'H speech. It w4 well on toward midnight when he got back to the ottlce, and he sat down nt u tyiiewrlter to transcribe his notes In long-hund as quickly ns possible. He worked uway steadily. Then lie slop- pisl. One sentence, In the middle of n long paragraph, he could not decipher. He struggled with the sentence, quite at a r.tsndstlll, several minutes. The city fill-tor fill-tor culled him to make haste. Ho turned turn-ed to nn expert shorthund writer on his left und suld; " 'Can you read this sentence here? For the life of me. I can't.' "The expert i".udled the sentence, then shook hi' head. " 'No,' he said. 'I can't read It. Just put In "Oruit upplaiae," nnd let It go at that.' "So the young man put In 'great an. t r1nuM, and the next nwrn'ng n'n e toed the speech In the paprc hi lourd. to his horror, that he had turn!.- I s Hon tun: " '1 will detain vou but a few mlmiies longer, iny friends. tOreat .tppleuse V " - -.- - "1 heard n young Mississippi lawyer, m member of the legislature, remark : a crowd In n hotel nt Jackson th.M he honed the law-making bodv would soon ndjouin, or else he would not have mone enough to ptiy his wnv home." snld Judge II. T. llenson of Memphis. Tenn. as quoted by the Washington Posi 't:.li young anion, a limn of fine ability in I with excellent prospects, had such a love of the great American game of draw poker thnt he thought more or It Han hn did of his public duties, and. night after night, lost an, inul inn gi.-.n ...vim i hie considerably larger sums than he could nfford. When he made the announcement an-nouncement about his financial condition up spoke a grny-bourded old country member: 'What's the matter with your llnnnces? Don't you git your per diem per dny, the same us the bulnnce of us?' 'Yes. my friend, I do Indeed draw my per dletn per day, hut v. lint worries mo la Hint I nm not getting any per noctcm per night.' " Little Charlie wns very fond of watching watch-ing his mother dress. One day. when she wns brushing her hnlr. lie exclaimed: "Mamnin, why does your hair snap so?' "Ilecausa there Is so much electricity In It." she replied. Charlie sat looking nt her for a few moments very thoughtfully, thought-fully, nnd then lie rnulil contain himself no longer, when he hurst out with: "What a queer family 'we must be! Grandma has gas In her stomach und ou havi. electricity In your hair." A short time ago some men were engaged en-gaged In putting up telegraph poles on some land belonging to an old farmer, who disliked seeing his wheat tiampled down. The men produced a paper by which they said they were allowed to put the poles wheie they pleased. The farmer went hack mid turned a large bull In the field. The trnvuge lieust made after aft-er the men, and the old fanner, seeing them running from the Held. Hhouled ut the lop nf ids voice' "Show him the paper! Show him the mper!" .4- . A young bride wus recently Invited to u bridge luncheon, and lifter spending a delightful de-lightful afternoon was told by her hos-'tess hos-'tess that she was In debt $7.1. Unaware that she had been playing for money, she was lion Hied it the Idea of having to nsk her huslmnd for the necessary amount. She mournfully confided her woes to him. and he Immediately wrote a check for 7H.nl, nnd sent It to the hostess. hos-tess. The hostess, believing that a mls-tnk mls-tnk had been made, Informed him thnt ho had sent H.no too much. However, he returned It with the curt statement thnt the $7.1 settled the bridge score, nnd the bulnnce was for his wife's luncheon. - -. - John O. Johnson, tho distinguished Philadelphia lawyor. Is a well-known connoisseur con-noisseur of paintings, antiques, nnd curios. A New York denier brought recently re-cently to Philadelphia for Mr. Johnson' lnsiectlon a vase. It was n iiulntcd Chinese Chi-nese vase, nnd the dealer hoped that It wus very rare nnd undent. Mr. Johnson studied It In silence. "It Is, sir," said the denier, "n fine nntlque. eh? llcmar.'t-ftbly llcmar.'t-ftbly old nnd good, don't you think, sir?" llubblng the lenses of his glasses with his handkerchief, Mr. Johnson nnswered, gravely; "The pointing of the vuse bears every evidence of being ancient, which Is all the more Interesting from the fnct that the vnnf Itself Is undeniably modern." mod-ern." Oen. Frederick Orunt tells how, at n certnln mllltnry post In tho West one night, Just nfter the sounding of "taps " n detnTl was called for from one of the companies to bring from the married quarters to the guardhouse a private who had been beating his wife. First Sergeant Ser-geant Mulligan called for Corporal Need-ham Need-ham nnd Privates Clancy nnd Moore to form the detail. The corporal and Private Pri-vate Moore ut once got up from the cots nnd dressed for duty, but apparently Clancy was fast asleep, although but a I moment before the appearance of the I sergeant he had Ik-cii nnlmntcdly con- versing with his fellow soldiers. "Come, Chfhcy." snld tho sergeant, poking him In the ribs, "get up." Whereupon the Celt In great disgust arose, exclaiming a he did so: "Why don't ye wuko some wan thnt nln't asletp?" A student once asked thu French alienist alien-ist Ksqulrol If there were any sure tests by which to tell the sane from the Insane. In-sane. "Plense dine with mo to-morrow at 0 o'clock," was the answer of the savant. The student accepted the Invitation, Invita-tion, and found two other guests present, ono of whom was elegantly dressed nnd npimrently highly educated, while tho other was rather uncouth, noisy, nnd extremely ex-tremely conceited. After dinner the pupil rose to tnke leave, and ns ho shook hands -with his teacher he remnrked: "The problem Is very simple after nil; the quirt, well-dressed gentleman ts certainly certain-ly distinguished In some lines, but the other Is us -certainly n lunatic, and ought nt once to be locked up." "You are wrong, my friend," replied Ksqulrnl, with tl smile. "Thnt quiet, well-dressed man who tnlks so rationally has for years tailored ta-ilored under the delusion that he Is Ood, the Father, whereas the other man, whose exuberance and self-conceit have surprised you, Is M. llonnrn de Halzuc, Hie greatest French writer nf the. day." Willie had been naughty and his father wns going to whip hlm.- "My son." hn snld sternly as, switch In hand, he confronted the Ind, "do you know why 1 am going to whip you?" "Yes. dad." replied tho llttlo fellow, "It's because you're blggcr'n I om." Congressman Morrell of Philadelphia snld in the course of nn address to national na-tional guardsmen- "As colonel of the Third regiment nf Pennsylvania, I onco took part In nn odd and nmuslng episode. "My regiment wns marching down liriMid street In the vnn of nn Immenso and magnificent parade when, near Walnut Wal-nut street, It beenme necessary to push the people hack n little. The ropes had broken nt this point, and the people, quite unintentionally, encroached on thu line of the isiradn. "I assigned n handful of young privates pri-vates to help the people , bundle the crowd, and one private, stationed nenr me I kept my eye on. lie got everybody back except a fat man. This person did not move. ' 'I'rlvote,' snld I, 'put that fat man bnrk ' ' "'lie says ho can't get bnck, the crowd Is pushing so,' the private answered. " 'Put yotir musket butt In his chest,' said I. 'and force him bark. You are the stronger." " 'Yes," snld the private, 'I know I'm the stronger, but he's the foreman of our shop.' " Mrs. Chnrlotte Perkins Oilman was criticising wife worship- the old-fashioned, unreasoning, blind admiration that woman paid to her husband In the nasi, regarding him ns the handsomest, bravest, brav-est, wisest and most leurned nf men. "Mrs. Oladstone." she snld, "worshiped her huslmnd In this way, but then she. had some reason Uvcn In her case, though, the good lady's exaggerate.) wife worship would sometimes make her appear ap-pear ridiculous "Thus she was staying once at a country coun-try house, and on a certnln evening, having hav-ing finished dressing he fore her husband, she descended tn the drawing room alone. In the drawing room three or four gen-tlemuu gen-tlemuu were discussing the misfortunes of Ireland. One of them, ns she entered, snld' " 'I oun't Imagine what will he the fate of poor old Krln. but there's One above who knows.' " 'Yes,' suld Mrs Oladstone, complacently. compla-cently. "He will be down In a minute. He Is upstairs hrusldur his hair.'" f -4- "When W D. I low ells." said a publish-er. publish-er. "was the editor of Harper's a young man of humble unit rough exterior submitted sub-mitted !rsonnll to lilm n isiem "Mr Howell looked over the poem. Then he said H the young man: " 'Did you write this isiem you.'self 7' "'Yes, sir. Do you like It?' the yomi asked, " 'I think It Is magnificent, mild Mr Ilowtlls. 'Did you loiiiiHwe It unaided?' " '1 certainly did,' said the young man firmly. I wrote overy line of It nut of mv own head.' "Mr. Howflls rose mid shIiI: " Thru. I.ord Hymn, I urn ver glad to meet i'ou. Hut I was under tlmMinprrs. 00 I hat you had died at Missfllonghl u (rood many years ago " i I |