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Show 1 QatHereg Srailes WRONG CUE. One of tho new members of congress Is a very young man who, when be was making his campaign, had a great eye for publicity. As bo was appealing particularly to the labor element, he tent out a story telling how he liked to work on Iron, later. In order to tnnko good on. the story, he had a small blacksmith shop built Hour his stable. Que day a delegation of labor men called on him and he boasted about his enthusiasm for making shoes for his own horses out of straight bars of Iron. He took the delegation to the shop. "Jack," he called out, when within a few yards of the shop, "whero are some of those iron bars 1 use for making mak-ing horseshoes?" "They're all In here." Jack called back. 'Tain t had time to straighten 'em out since you hammered 'em up for that delegation yesterday." Popular Pop-ular Magazine. Recent Horror. The Doctor The Janitor of the building where I live ssys bis fathr and grandfather made their living by working at similar Jobs In the o'.J country. The Professor (slightly Irritated) Well, what do you want me to say? That he follows In the footsteps f his projanltors? LAST CRY. flaw ) Wifey I got another new hat today. Hubby My dear, that la the last straw. Wlfey-1 know It Just from Paris. Mum. A mcllusk came to our first parent to be tiaiiit d. "Kr oyster!" announced Adam, aft er considering a moment. Now, divers other creatures, having got tlx trs, were loitering ebout to pick up what of consolation they might, and a number of these burst out laughing hereupon. "Just think how mum you'll have to be!" they Jeered. Puck. Might Have Dene Worse. "Hello, old man," greeted a tactful friend. "Glad to see you looking so well. I can't pretetd that I haven't heard the news, and you will allow me as an old friend to ssy that I'm surry your wife ran away from 'you." "Thanks," groaned the other. "Hut after all, she might do worse tl.au I ab has done, you know." Owning Up. "It Is a restricted neighborhood, a very fashionable suburb." "Think I could get In?" "Why not? You are able to build a 120,000 house. Your character Is good. You have a charming wife" "Yes; but there's no use trying to conceal It. We have a baby." HEARTLESS OBSERVATION. Ethel She says she w ill marry even on bis slender salary. Elsie Yes; I never yet saw a man whose Income was so small that some one was not willing to divide It with him. Napoleon Loet Something, Too. Host That Is the sword of my great uncle. He lost bis arm at Waterloo. Wa-terloo. Guest Yes, It's a terrible place for losing things. ! lost a bag there only last week! London Opinion. Their Compulsion. "Isn't It strsoge thrt dmsmskers, of all people, would smuggle?" "Why Is It' strange of them?" "Uecauia the necessities of their trade compel loem to lead a pattern Ife." USUAL THING. Mr. llixon (on the way home from church) You had a most Intent and Interested look In your expression dur-! Ing the services Did the sermon lm-1 press you? Mrs. Illxon No, I guess I was trying to figure out how Mrs. Muchgold had her hat trimmed. Speeding Him. Mr. Weerlus was making a call. "I never take any chances with holdup men," he remarked, looking at his watch to fill up a pause In the conversation. "When I am likely to be out late at night I always carry my dollar watch." "Why, there's no danger this time, Is there?" smiled bis hostess. "It's only nine o'clock, and It certainly won't take you more than half an hour to get home." Bsckwsrd. "In China everything Is done back' ward." said the wise guy. "Not now." protested the old fogy. "China Is a republic." "What of It?" demanded the wis guy. "They went to work and freed themselves and then, after establishing establish-ing a republic, they Issued a declaration declara-tion of Independence." Her Specialty. "I should thlr.k that lady astronomer astrono-mer would be Interested In her little boy's dirty face." "Oh. she's too much absorbed In her studies of the sky to keep her child's face clean." "Hut that's Just why she should pay attention. Isn't the dirt, spots on the son?" SEEING DOUBLE. mm mm Mrs Collier Itown (at 3 a m ) You're a sight. If you could see yourself your-self as others see you! Mr. Collier Down ( Intoxicated I Shay, If you could hlc see yourself as I see you hlc you d think you were hlc the two-beaded woman hlc In the museum. Annusl Appeal. O fx-npln of Ihe rliy, tint tn tho II'.iIHi Hoard's cry: B-.liir plpum Urn in(u'.ittn. Ami swat tho finllvn t'.r'. Favorite Faction. "Not a Headache In a Gallon of It." "Why, of Course, lull, I Know You'll Pay It When You Can. but " "French Taught In His Easy Lessons." Les-sons." "No. 8h Wasn't at llom and I Was Glad of It." "Ikjctor, I Watch Kvery Di.e That Goes Into Ills Mouth." "It Costs Me Next to Nothing for Itepairs." "All liuslness Htrlctly Confidential." Gifts. They both had sections of the psper. "Here's a New York man gives his wife a diamond necklace," said she. "Nothing like that ever happens to me." "Well." said he. "here's a Chicago man glvea his wife a black eye Nolo Ing like that ever happens to you, either, my dear." Judge. How Odd. ' "The fihongllsh have a queer way of doing things." "What of themr "In that country they always have a soldier for secretary of war and a sailor for secretary of the navy." He Meant Greensward. "Your husband eays you sre going to hare a nice lawn this summer," remarked re-marked the friendly suburbanite. "That's good news." said Mrs. Way-oiL Way-oiL "I hadn't expected anything bet r than a cheap gingham " |