Show La Laws ws Could Add to t Personal Comfort t y Ely By RING LARDNER To the Editor Heres Here's a copy of the message 1 I am sending to congress and maybe they might not last dast give It out to th the pa pers ro o heres here's a copy of It To Congress Well ladys ladds and gents I 1 realize It aInt customary for nobody only the president to send you boys a message but sun still and aU all theys they's no law vs nobody no no- body sending you one a specIally a aman aman man that come as close to the hl white whitehouse e ehouse house as myself and might of got all the way In It if I hadn't ot of left leU Washing ton a few lew minutes before the Cool Id s decided to make It a amusement park at least from some of the birds that dId get In I dont don't see how they could of barred barrea this baby And besides If you boys Is s anything like Uke our last congress a message will go just as big whether It comes fromme from i ime me or tile the president or the ouija board so anyway I am going to write and poInt out a f few w thIngs that needs ten slon sion gents you know the old gag that people that lives In a glass house shouldn't drink out ont of a 0 bottle so the place to commence reforms I is rIght where you are at namely the nations nation's capital and I don dont know no way you can make a better beginning begin begin- ning than appt a committee to attend aU all the ball games In Washington this season and find out If the home team Is really playing their best And the next thing to do Is to give the town Pullman telephone booths so soa soa a person can enjoy a nIghts rest while waiting for tor the wrong number and thus kill 2 bIrds wIth one nickel be a Ides ldes getting your shoes shined Please use thIs rag to wipe your razor as one small cut destroys a towel Guests without baggage 28 25 extra ex ex- tra for meals served in booth Stop have you anything leU leftt Pass a bill bUl providing for tor the pres pres- president Ident not to leave Washington durIng hie h Incumbrance as they are libel to torun torun run wild when they get away from home and go to gay Paree and buck the TIger or something PresIdents ot of course like Uke to travel because they get 10 ets per mile which nets them about 2 eta profit at the present rates minus the amusement tax on a upper but If 11 they claim they cant can't get along without some such kind of a get rIch quick scheme why allow them a dime for every mile they stay on the fairway fair fair- way and I guess by the end ot of 4 yrs they will have ha enough saved up to buy Interest in a milk mUk chocolate I also wished you would put up the names ot of the different In big letters so as when a man Is showing show show- Ing his Mrs the town she wont won't act like Uke she has him Borrow a 16 yr old dependent child chUd and give it to the bird that figured out the personal exemption tion allowance on on the Income tax and hake hIm support It on a year Pa Pars a rule to permit in inthe inthe the senate and house so 80 as you boys wont won't keep asking teacher It if you can leave the rm So much for local legislation and ond ondI now we come to matters that effects I the whole U. U S S. States and the first j thing to do Is pass another amendment because It taken take In both the and amendments to have thIs new amendment provide that Election Dayis Day j Is X R from prohibition so a man will wUl h have ve some place to hang bang around while the madam Is spoiling ballots Repeal the truants law so a person wont won't have bave to go all sprIng and taIl fall without R a caddy Repeal the law vs the th rabbit punch In boxing punch Is a blow that lands at the base of a fighters fighter's brain brainand brainand and and It t looks to me that the man that lands It instead ot of being disqualified ed ought to be given a seat In the hall haU hallof ot of fame along with Columbus and Ad- Ad Peary No V tare fare minded congress wants to show partiality towards either one ot of the 2 big war schools so 80 another an an- other sporting event that should ought to be laId on the shelf Is the service game This saves them the trouble of getting rId ot of the tickets Pass a low law vs men wearIng dinner clothes which dont don't benefit nobody but the Or It if It looks Uke there was too much opposition to abolishing this quaint custom all together to gether at least leave us have bave some regulation so DS as when you are called up and sat to dinner you wont won't have bave to go through no aU all day battle of the Marne decidIng If you will or you wont Make some kInd ot of a universal rule In regards to hats In coed ed elevators The way It ft Is now a man Is aU all right It If he stays In one town but the mil minute min min- ute he goes visiting he be Is aU all wrong For U tt you are In n ChIcago you keep your hat on tiniest the elevator Is In a hotel or a department store I In 10 N. N Y Y city you also take them offin ort off ortIn I In a DIll apt providing the lady aint your own wife or a relative But Butin in 10 places like Uke Washington you lot got to expose yourself In elevators ot of aU kinds and when 1 and the madam were on a seeing trIp to the different floors floor ot of office I discovered I Iwas Iwas was the only gent In the car with a covered egg and felt feU even sillier than ever These is b u I few of the thc needed legis- legis boys and I 1 wIshed you would find time to give them tensIon but I suppose you will be too busy with the words and musIc or of a peace treaty wIth a country that knows or at least has bu beard rumor rumor that we ant been fighting for tor 10 yrs L tip bl the en Brn C |