Show Kathleen Norris Says Say's Age Gap in Marriage Ben Bell Syndicate Syndicat Feature I i i 4 I pr F 4 IIII 16 I 47 I T i t tTo To To think thin of oJ Mar Margot got married to ro a man twenty years yeah older than I am ant actually sickens me me By KATHLEEN X enough my CURIOUSLY mail this week contained contained contained con- con two letters one from Portland Oregon and andone andone andone one from Cleveland Ohio and both asking the same question question question ques ques- tion is a difference in age a serious thing in marriage The Portland girl is 30 years old her young man is only 24 She says that tha t she is young for her years and that he has been developed by responsibilities responsibilities responsibilities and hard times to seem much older than he is He was wasa a worker at 14 took care of an invalid mother and little sister until the mother died and the little sister married and Alma says that while he Is full of fun and confidence and eagerness he Is really a serious man manin manin manin in many ways Alma has had a hard time too She has been the main mam support of a family of older persons faithfully moving between home and office for almost 12 years But for all that she is young In spirit she writes rites me of a tiny week end cottage near the thc sea where she has sometimes crowded in n as m many as a dozen friends of her cat her window gardens gar gardens dens her love for cooking and the tiny niece that her brother sometimes sometimes some some- times lends her for a visit And her picture shows a small charming person beaming under a wide wide- brimmed ha hat t tSo So my advice to Alma was to marry marry marry mar mar- ry her Tom at once and enjoy her rightful share of happiness as wile wife homemaker maker and someday mother Pleasant Years Predicted There Is no generalizing about marriage but It Is true that marriage marriage marriage mar mar- In which the wife wile Is somewhat the older of the two do generally turn out happily Alma is going into this marriage with a real determination determination determination de de- de- de termination to make it a success and something tells me that it willbe will willbe willbe be one The other case Is that of a girl named Margot who Is 1 17 She is the only child of a divorced mother It is the mother who writes meI meI meI me I was only 18 when Margot was I born says her letter so that we really are more like sisters than mother and daughter She has been my one and sole consideration for every moment of her life lIte We traveled traveled traveled trav trav- in Europe every summer I helped her with all her lessons we had a plan for every Saturday and Sunday My husband was 14 years older than I it was his family and his first wife's wiles family who made our marriage impossible Margot was only a few months old when I left her father and I have not seen him since Like an uncle to Margaret has bas always been the family doctor he was was' wason on the staff staR of the hospital where she was born later became a nerve specialist and moved into our neighborhood neigh neigh- He Is now 54 When he began to call constantly at our house it was natural for me to feel that he was interested in me I have always liked him without ever giving any deeper feeling so much as a thought Some weeks ago I said seriously half to Margot that I wished John to call him bun that would ask me to marry him and have It over as the suspense suspense sus sus- pense created by his calls caUs gifts cUts significant sig speeches notes was getting on my neuves Daughters Daughter's Confession Her answer was a burst of tears and a hysterical statement that if it had hod not been for her fear that I loved John and that it would break my heart to lose him she would have told me long before that she TWO ANSWERS This week Kathleen Norris answers two letters letter asking whether or not it is essential to a happy marriage for the husband and wife to be the same or nearly the same age In each of these two cases the answer is no no although the circumstances vary consider considerably ably On the rite one han hand a girl o of f 30 wants to marry a young man 24 and on the other a girl o of 17 0 f 17 is madly in love with witha a middle middle aged aged man about three times her age Be De sure to read this wise and tolerant discussion o of 0 f a problem that has troubled many women was madly in love with him I was stupefied Margot to me is still the dear happy dancing child who has been my companion all aU these years to think of her as married and married to a man almost 20 years older than I am actually sickens me I have not been well In soul mind or body since this thunderbolt fell Upon me John Is about three times her age a well-groomed well successful suc sue man who has many friends a fine practice and who is extremely youthful in his tastes He takes herto herto her herto to dances plays tennis associates much with younger people but all that doesn't change the facts Worse he was married long before Margot was born and has two daughters older than Margot One of these Is married the other lives at home as his housekeeper and as the establishment establishment establishment includes his paralyzed old mother two servants a nurse for forthe forthe forthe the mother and an office nurse with witha a chauffeur and gardener as well everyone seems to feel that Margot would be lucky to keep this daughter In the family as manager Margot stands a little in awe of Helen who is about 24 and says she would like this arrangement But to think of my adored baby in that big house with a husband older than her own father is and all those complicated r relationships to adjust frightens me I could prevent this marriage until she Is 18 perhaps but she could go goto goto to her father for permission andas and andas as he has never had the slightest responsibility responsibility responsibility re re- for her or interest In her he would probably give his consent What argument can 1 use with her to convince her that she is throwing away youth good times the prospect of falling normally in inlove inlove inlove love with someone of a suitable age For certainly what she feels reels for this man isn't love Situation Beyond Control The answer is you can do nothing And for your consolation let it be said that Margot is now playing a apart apart apart part and it is a happy and popular part That will be Margot's role and she will love it Presently the maids chauffeur step-daughters step the helpless helpless helpless help help- less old mother the nurses will allbe all allbe allbe be in hi love with lovely little Mrs John Sometimes girls keep up that attitude all their lives I knew one handsome old woman who still liked to remember that when at 16 she married a rich man of 55 he insisted that she go on with her schooling And when he went to the Philippines during the Spanish war he put her into boarding school She had four step sons all much taller and older than she and two boys of her own and while it wasn't marriage as most men and women know knew it marriage marriage mar mar- riace with its young cares and responsibilities responsibilities responsibilities re re- re- re its mutual dependence and financial worries It was a happy happy hap hap- py life for her |