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Show BROADWAY AND MAIN STREET Charlie Learns Hard Way by Meeting a Six-Year-Old By BILLY ROSE r Last night, in the mood for conversation and kartoffelklase, I went a-calling on my Aunt Frieda and my Uncle Charlie. "Your uncle, he ain't home," said Frieda as I walked into their Allen Street flat. "He is having a nervous break-up, and Dr. Gittle-son Gittle-son is sending him to Mr. Feitlebaum's place in Lakewood Cathedral Cathe-dral in the Pines." "What brousht it on?" I asked. "Well, is like this," said Frieda. "A couple weeks before Groundhog Day you should pardon the expression expres-sion is coming home your uncle and announcing he is becoming a baby sitter. Every Monday night, he says, the Ler-ners Ler-ners on ' Rivington Street is going to the theatre uptown, and Mrs. Lerner is offering him a dollar dol-lar a hour and free television if he ,will sit with their little six - year - old boy, Wilbur. sion is changing, because Wilbur is playing on me and your' uncle a trick from a hundred years ago. "A trick like this: When Mrs. Lerner and ma are going out, the little boy is telling your uncle his mother wants he should take a bath right away, but he ain't got time because Hopalong Cassidy is in twenty minutes. So your uncle is telling him a man don't need twenty minutes for a bath, and he could do it easy in fifteen. So the little boy is betting him five dollars he can't take off his clothes, bathe himself and dress full up in fifteen minutes. " 'Starting from a full tub?' is saying your uncle. " 'Starting from a full tub,' is answering an-swering Wilbur. "Well, as everybody knows, Charlie is a fast bather and is doing the job complete in nine minutes. And when we are coming com-ing home from the theatre he is smiling like Steeplechase. 7 want you should be present at the pay. ing-ott ceremony,' he says. 'For taking a simple bath, I am winning win-ning five dollars cash from Wilbur.' Wil-bur.' "When I am hearing this, I am thinking the ceiling is falling down on me." "I don't follow you," I said to my Aunt Frieda. "Why weren't you happy? Charlie finally won " "Is simple," Frieda explained sadly. "While I am getting acquainted ac-quainted with Wilbur and his mother is putting on the hat. he is betting me ten dollars he can make your uncle take off all his clothes " is going to the Lerners with a deck of pinochle cards in his pocket and again is losing the five buckses. Wilbur, Wil-bur, he says, it catching on very quick, is remembering all the cards, and by 10 o'clock is trumping and melding him right in the ground. "Well, all summer it goes like this. Every Monday Charlie is baby sitting and every Monday he is losing to the baby. And quinciquant-ly quinciquant-ly he is not eating so good and is hollering and banging with the doors. This little boy is making him plain crazy, and your uncle is swearing he will get even-Steven no small fryer, he says, is making him a monkey. "Last Monday I am figuring I will see myself what is going, and so I keep Charlie company to the Lerners. There I am meeting Mrs. Lerner who is giving me a big howdy-doodle, and explaining explain-ing her husband is busy in the shop, and is inviting me 1 should go with her to the theatre. "She is also making me acquainted acquaint-ed with Wilbur, and while she is putting on the hat I am talking with him, and he is making on me a very good impression. "LATER WHEN we are coming home from the theatre the impres- "Well, when Char- Billy Rose lie is coming home the first Monday night, I am naturally asking him for the five dollars, but he is telling tell-ing me he ain't got it. He and Wilbur, Wil-bur, he says, is watching the wres-ling wres-ling on the television and betting a dollar who will win, and the little boy is winning five times consecutive. consecu-tive. "NEXT MONDAY, Charlie is again losing the five dollars. This time is baseball. He is betting on the Brooklyns, and the dumbhead, he is not knowing what Wilbur is knowing that Jakie Robinson is not playing on account of because he has a busted hand. "The third Monday, your uncle |