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Show 7XZUWKnrMZZZ!ZTZ!?!!ZZZBB Too Deep for Her. Small Ethel had been to an "Uncle Tom's Cabin" mntlneo with her mother, moth-er, and on her way homo she asked: "Mamma, docs llttlo Eva play again to-night?" "Yes, denr," wns tho reply. "Well," continued Ethel, "I don't seo bow sho can dlo nt 4 o'clock and go to heaven and get back In timo to play analn nt 8." Following the Adage. "Hank Slocum wrote to ono o' these hero beauty doctors for treatment." said tho grocer. "Wha'd the doctor tell him?" nsked Mr. MeddorgrasB. "Sent him a llttlo book that said beauty was only Bkln deep." "Hank tnko tho treatment?" "Guess bo did. Ho got skinned all right." INSULTED. Farmer Come, beat my carpot an' I'll glvo you a good dinner. Tramp I'm sorry but I don't beat my way, thank you. Another Guess Coming. "Well," said tho editor, looklnc at tho man who had crashed through tho roof, "what can I do for you anything?" any-thing?" "No, not now," replied tho Inventor. "My original Intentions, howover, wero to call and Inform you that I had invented a successful airship, but I'vo changed my mind slnco I dropped Recasting His Phrase. "It's curious tnat women nro novcr great poets or great musicians," said Mr. Mcokton. "What did you say?" asked his wlfo. "I was merely remarking that women wom-en aro too scnslblo to squander their enongles on poetry nnd music to tho extent that somo men do." Love In a Flat. "Why does Harker look so cross tbeso days?" "He's married and hns tbrco llttlo ones." "I don't aeo why throo children should put him In a bad humor." "Who said nnythlng about children? Ho Is tnarrlod and has tbrco llttlo rooms." Taken for Granted Judgo "Why did you arrest thla man?" Officer "For profanity oa the street." Judgo "Did you hear him using it?" Officer "No, but his shoestring broko twlco as ho was running for a car." Given a Raise. With tender hands thoy took him from tho topmost branches of a tall pine. "What happened?" ho gasped feebly. "You wero tossed by a bull," thoy responded. "Thon It's not so had. I thought I was tossed by a racing automobile." The Curious Crowd. "They'ro raising a safo Into tho tenth story next door." "Yes?" "Yes, and thcro nro a lot of pcoplo below who don't seem to reallzo that tho safo sldo of the strcot Is the side directly opposite to tho safe's sldo." Philadelphia Ledgor. Good for Delaware, Thcro Is nothing to tndlcato that tho usual number of sweet girl giadu-ntes giadu-ntes will not receive diplomas In Delaware. Dela-ware. This would soem to Indicate that the Delawaro peach crop Isn't always a failure. Exception. Gunner "They lay If you get a divorce di-vorce you will tiovor hnvo any luck." Guycr "I know ono man that had luck." Gunner "Indeed! Who Is ho?" Guycr "A divorce nttomoy." Her MUslon. Mrs. Homer "I supposo your daughter Is attending cooking school so sho will bo nblo to do her own cook-1 cook-1 lug after hor marrlago?" Mrs. Uppson "Ob. my, not She Is going to wrlto a cook book." Sizing Up SI Perkins. A, well-known literary man, who has beon spending Boveral weeks at bis old home In Vermont tolls of a conversation which ho overheard between be-tween two visitors on tho porch of tho village storo. An acquaintance of theirs bad Just passed In tho street and tho following comment was heard by tho visitor: "Thar goes SI Por-klns." Por-klns." Then a meditative pnuso. "Si ain't tho man bo used to bo." "Now an' ho novcr was." Trials of Cupid. "Yos," related tho romantic young mnn, "as wo sat on tho park, bench I leaned over nnd planted a kiss on her ruby lips." "Planted, eh?" remarlted tho buffoon buf-foon friend. "Did you ralso anything?" any-thing?" ' Yes. A policeman saw mo and soon afterward I had to ralso $10 for a fine." Future Assured. "Yes, wo found tbo baby playing with a volumo of verso." "Indeed? Ho will probably turn out to bo a poet." "But ho tore tho verses up and tossed them out of tho window." "Did, oh? Well, that shows he's going to bo an editor." Generous Mr. Fox. flj "Mr. Fox. tho merchant," said tho . I collcgo president, "hns offered to do- M nato $5,000 for a library building to H bo known as 'ox hall.' " H "But $5,C00 'won't build n library," B replied tho dean of tho faculty. H "Oh, no. Mr. Fox's gonerous offer I Is contingent upon our securing do- I nntions of $10,000 each from ten other B public-spirited citizens. ' Catholic B Standard. B Two Views. B "It's funny that lovo stories should fl invnrlbly end with tho marriage of tho H hero and heroine," said young Lovo- B lorno, B "Why bo?" demanded Peckhnm. I "Because that's really only tho bo- ginning of their lives." I "That may bo; but It's tho end or fl tbo lovo story." B Hearing and Seeing. flj Enthusiastic Visitor If you'll como down into tbo country with mo I'll "'. show you where you can hear tho fJK corn grow! f SBjt Unomotional CItyito H'mph! If flj you'll como with mo over to tho Board fl of Trade I'll show you whero you can H seo It grow. Chicago Tribune. H His Scheme for Safety. H Miss Askltt I didn't know you had flj an automobile. flj Mr. WIbo I haven't. flj Miss Askltt Then why do you wear jfl that auto cap nnd goggles? flj Mr. Wise To keep tho chauffeurs flj from running over mo. Thoy think' flj I'm one of them In this rig. H Too Wise for Her Years. Tho governess Of courso, you' U know tho story wo havo Just road! 8 la merely a fairy talc, and thore are, I many such quite familiar to child- fl bood. Can you tclt us another, Elsio? fl Llttlo Elsie Oh, yes; you once told. fl mama that you had four proposals of gl marrlago during your life. B Point of View. H Biggs "Sojue Is quite an optl- fl mist." SI Diggs "I nov r noticed It." fl Biggs "Well ho is; at least ho, M seems to tako 0. roy vlow of overy- flj thing." 9 Diggs "Oh, that Is merely a rcflcc- BB tlon from his nose." PBfc t3 After tho Slugging. am "Now, In our town," said tho visitor, B "a bus comes after tho baseball play- flj ors. What comes after them hero?" flj "Well," responded tho tough young' flj man In tho green shirt, "sometimes H It's do patrol an' sometimes de ambu- (fl lance." MJ No Trouble About That. B Anxious Hostess I am afraid tho fl company Is getting bored. Can't wo flj do something to keep tbo conversa- flj tlonal ball rolling?" 8 Host "That's easy enough. Talk flj golf." It Was Violent jfl "Sho was deaf to his suit." flj "I don't seo how sho could bo. Wby, flj his clothes aro louder than those the college boys wear." flj THE WORST TO COME. C'a5jMffiyl )"V ' S Til I I 1 Judgo You don't seem to reallzo tho enormity of tho charge against fl you. a Prisoner Naw. I haven't got me lawyer's bill yet, but I'll hot It'll bo a 1 corker. M Good Advice. Tho young man wired homo from college: "Dear Pop: I want to glvo my classmates a farowell supper. How can I ralso tho dust?" In two hours tho return messago arrived: "Beat n carpot. Pop." Calling Him Down. Ho fat tbo garden prty) "I will nl-wys nl-wys lovo you, darling. By yon palo moon I swear It. I " Sho (Interrupting him) Don't got woozy, Georgo. Yon palo moon la only a Japanese lantern." Peep Into tho Future. jl "I demand recognition!" Bcreamed H tho dologates from tho 'stoenth dls- fl trlct. H "Impossible" rojolnod tho chalrlady B of tho convention. "Tho fetnalo from m tho 'Bteenth district Is not In our set." yjp Real Anltatorc. ' B "Is It truo," asked tho English W vaudovillo actress, "that tlioro nro people In America who really dcslro K1 tho clovation of tho utnge?" Wh "Yos," replied tho man from acrooa 1 tho pond, "tho gallery gods." 11 |