| Show ADVICE TO OUR FUTURE EDITOR By the Spirits o of f Past Victims The ponderous and slow moving wheel of Fate has turned again Mr Jensen and you are down down We do not say it idly we speak from a martyrdom of long and sad experience Ah AM well may you heap gifts upon the shrine of Fortuna Fortuna Fortuna For tuna well may you call upon all the gods of starry Olympus Olympus- you shall hall need their aid Alas fall upon upon upon up up- on your knees shed bitter tears tear your golden curls you of allmen all allmen allmen men most miserable And yet if it be in our power out of the blotted blotted blotted blot blot- ted and tear-stained tear pages of our painful service to turn aside your tender feet from any thorns we yve do doit doit doit it gladly From long weary tramps after advertisements when your sweetest smile mile is ever met with a cold and stormy tormy stare from the faithlessness of printers and the consequent abuse of disappointed subscribers we can not protect you you you-it it is the destined lot of Editors But this we urge spend your summer studying the art of persuasion not notto notto notto to win empty laurels in a debating society but to save your precious neck This next do not oh do not deceive deceive deceive de de- yourself with the false hope that anybody is going to help you grit your teeth hard and prepare to togo togo togo go it alone put every member of this noble institution upon your staff taff keep after them with the ardor of all the Furies yet Furies yet in sooth you shall not lack practice in writing writing writing writ writ- ing Lose no time in getting rid of the present incumbents verily they are like a second-hand second junk shop of useless fossils Nay have no staff for then you will get all the credit or rather all the mud as aswell aswell aswell well as all the work Above all ignore that old CHRONICLE debt or your locks will grow whiter than they are Your cares will be heavy enough You too as we who have gone before will have long lists of those whom you trustfully expect poor innocent innocent innocent inno inno- cent to pay up that promised dollar dollar dollar dol dol- lar Just add your neat little pile to the sum and pass it on to your wretched successor We pray you do do not allow any addle amateurs to meddle with that debt they mean well but they dont don't improve improve improve im im- prove the size of the figures In self-defense self deed all your property proper proper- ty to your wife and hope for the best Claridge has only an extra standing collar left Ah Whether from the discipline of the fiery trial you shall blaze forth like a brilliant meteor into journalistic fame fame fame-a a boy wonder prematurely gray or whether in a narrow cell you shall babble feebly of hurry Copy Copy hurry can you not write us an article Good story story story- exchanges exchanges-a a misprint Im I'm sorry sorry sorry- no passes for this this this- or whether weary of the struggle you shall let the pen drop from your listless hand and find rest under the buttercups butter butter- cups the cups the future alone can tell Yet the reward shall be great let this comfort you in startling prominence prominence prominence prom prom- on the first page of your last CHRONICLE you may have your picture picture picture pic pic- ture if the public will stand it Such is Fame Make your will and buy your tombstone strive not to save the gaily speckled suit but revel in it now now know know know that at this time next year it will hang in loose and ghastly ghast ghast- ly folds upon your wasted frame Life is short enjoy it while you youcan youcan youcan can and trust not in the future If the worst shall come Jove forbid forbid forbid for for- bid the present sympathizing staff unite in tendering these brief lines Shed a Tear Upon his Bier To be an ideal Editor He tried His gray stuff couldn't stand the strain He died |
