Show Dick the Philosopher OH what's become of Dick Rogers Funny fellow wasn't he Philosophical Yes and a trifle conceited Always cool n nothing thing could flutter er his ponderous indifference Yes queer fellow fello was Dick but a jolly good one too You know he was a classmate of mine yes you met him with me two years ago last June Do you remember how he us used d to spread his legs apart when he sto stood d din in front of the mantle mantle- piece and send forth streams of wisdom like a Delphian Delphian Delphian Del Del- tripod minus a leg Come over here to the window seat t and I will tell you about him It is interesting to me Well Dick and I T graduated year before before before be be- fore last He went into business and I entered entered en en- i the Medical Last summer he went up to Longly Pretty place is Longly good hotels tennis boating pretty girls and so forth Dick had a fortnights fortnight's vacation and as as' I had not seen much of him through the year I I. I expected two weeks of solid argument Y You know Dick and I never agreed upon any any of his pet theories I never met anyone any one who agreed with Dick He would I have been insulted if they did A few few- days after his arrival we were sitting in ina in a neat little room overlooking the tennis tennis- grounds and and- nd lake ake It was was hot very hot j 0 0 ii and the sun sun- was doing his best to cook the surface of Longly like a fried egg Two or three enthusiasts were inviting sunstroke in the tennis courts and a ayoung ayoung ayoung young husband was tugging viciously at atthe atthe atthe the oars of a pleasure boat on the lake while his taken newly-taken bride a young youn lady of solid proportions was blissfully reclining in the stern H Humph said paid Dick just look at those two fools Now they call that pleasure That fool with the red striped jacket who looks like a monkey is shortening his worthless existence perhaps perhaps perhaps per per- haps ten years in the vain endeavor to return a ball that is out of his reach by ra ten feet J Just loo look at the donkey He is telling her he would have got it if his foot had not slipped and she is trying to look as if she believed him Shell She'll capture him too If he will play tennis on a day dk like this he will get II married Oh keep quiet you old grump said I. I Y You u dont don't believe me my worthy philosopher Well T i ell you just watch and wait till next summer when you will see the striped fool out in that boat in the same boots as the other fool who is struggling gling to land his beloved porpoise Look at him now She has hit her finger with the raquet He is caressing it She is trying to look as though she did not like like it Oh what a fool she is making of that fellow Look here Dick said I do do you mean to say that every girl who marries a fellow has to make a fool of him Oh no not hot has to he generally comes ready like yon knight of the tennis tennis tennis ten ten- nis court Funny though that after she gets him the girl begins to realise that after all she is the greater fool My devoted young husband over there who is fighting so valiantly with hydrostatics tics and specific gravity by ne next t. t year t will probably growl at the object of his present devotions in pure pure manly manly style tyl J Say old man said I we must have marriage You had better stop If If you should take to the lecture platform platform platform plat plat- plat plat- form the human race would die die- out He looked at me blandly Oh no theres there's no convincing a fool You will get married some day have haye a small practice and a large family The question question question ques ques- tion is quite easy though There are just a about bout a thousand fools to every wise man The thousand will take care of the species and let the wise man stay out of the race race I suppose you are the wise man said IJ I. I J Just us t so Humph quite modest N Not at at all not at all You know what half of marriage is You know it itis itis itis is a lottery from which you take your parcels You take a pretty one it has no brains What you think is prudence and common sense is often selfishness and a sour temper The modest and diffident parcel ma may like one side of a Sedlitz powder when united with the theother theother theother other which is you the husband in the hot water of matrimony become a seething troublesome commotion and in short your modest parcel and loving swain have a devil of a row when brought together How do you know know when you marry a pretty girl that both her lungs are sound and that she is free from hereditary insanity Oh On I tell you the theman the theman theman man who marries is a fool the worst of fools a criminal fool who unites himself himself himself him him- self with another of his kind and brings brings' more fools into the world Here Dick stopped surprised at having having having hav hav- ing betrayed himself into a lengthy or at all fervid speech I looked at him Dick hopelessly and said no more lighted a cigar and strolled down to see Mr Young Young husband husband land his porpoise That evening when it was cooler I looked around for Dick and lo I found himin himin him himin in the tennis court He was not exerting exert exert- ing ng himself im IL at al all th though ugh when he j i wished he could pl play y a a- a splendid game as I knew well At t present he he was playing a polite s set set t with Miss Dallas who had been at the hotel some time and whom Dick had met yesterday I went vent over and sat down on the bench along the net back-net and had considerable fun smiling at Dick throughout the set He stood it bravely and smiled pleasantly after the last game when they came up with the quiet remark that he liked to bat a few when the evening was cool and complimented Miss Dallas on her excellent playing which was a merited tribute I looked Dick over carefully and was quite surprised I smiled in a pleased sarcastic manner and Dick bluntly coolly and impolitely walked over to the net and examined the pegs I was delighted and invited Miss Dallas to take a walk Of course she wen went tWell t. t Well Dick said I that night I relieved you of that girl this evening j I saw you were getting bored He was quite equal to me now and answered philosophically No I was not That girl is sensible and just about as good company as any fellow I know and considering that I dont don't think I should have left her in such bad company Then leaving me properly crushed he went to bed beet I l' I Iran ran into town for a week and when I came came back Dick h had d gone home During the rest of the summer he ran up up once once or twice a week His philosophy philosophy philosophy phy did not seem to abate He ridiculed ridiculed ridiculed ridi ridi- men and customs as of of old but did not have much to say about mar mar mar- It all came out one evening towa towards towards to to- wa wards ds the last of the summer The guests were sitting on the veranda in inthe inthe inthe the cool of the approaching night the locusts were humming their their- prophecy of a hot tomorrow the frogs were punctuating punctuating t lating the silence with their croaks when suddenly we he heard rd a splash from the lake ac accompanied by a ah am if I We rushed pell mell down to the shore in time to catch the hand of Dick as he swam ashore with Miss Dallas There was a bustle and commotion and a hurry after dry clothes and and whisky About ten o'clock Dick came to my room He Hp had just been to see Miss Dallas Vallas and to inquire inquire inquire in in- quire how she felt after the accident He came over to the window and the full moonlight shone over his face a little paler than usual I never thought how handsome Dick was till he stood there with his clear strong face his blue blueeyes blueeyes blueeyes eyes and white forehead wreathed with its chestnut locks with the silver moonbeam moonbeams moonbeams moon moon- beams beam giving to it all a quaint romantic look that one sees in great pictures and reads of in sweet stories Let me congratulate you my boy said I. I You are a brave fellow Dick How do you feel no now now now- 54 I Oh Im I'm all right said his lordship Those people down there are going on like a lot of fools talking all sorts of nonsense about heroism and the rest of it II Oh Oh you confounded pessimist shut up said I and tell me how it hap hap- How did the boat upset A quiet smile went over Dicks Dick's face as h he answered quite coolly I upset it myself I Wh t nJ II Yes Do you I am such a muff as not to be able tc to keep a bottomed Rat tub straight on Ot- that pond II Well what in the name of common commonsense commonsense commonsense sense made you do that I Love Got in love Didn't seem to tobe tobe tobe be making any effect Had to do something something something some some- thing so I spilled her into the lake and rescued her But Dick said I what do you think she would s say y if she knew kneY this She does Humph What did id she say say say- J She said she would marry marry marry me rrie me Oh no recriminations my my my- boy dont boy dont don't I I. I b beg g of you dont don't talk talk- to me I had to do doit doit doit it I co could lId not stand it any longer II Dick said I as I grasped his hand hand- let me congratulate you I knew that cold and dogmatic dogmatic dogmatic dog dog- half your philosophy so matic covered a good sound old heart But just think my bo boy you have stepped down from your one in and pedestal and entered the congregation congregation congregation tion of fools Still holding my hand Dicks Dick's legs gradually gradually gradually grad grad- spread apart and he became the two-thirds two tripod as of old The smoke from his cigar rolled up into the moonlight moonlight moonlight moon moon- light in weird prophetic circles and from it issued the words of the oracle Jack there are fools and there are fools but the largest greatest fool of all is is' the man who talks of things whereof h he knows nothing And lo the voice of the oracle trem trem- bled Yes Dick is married now Sometime Sometime Some Some- t time me when you have an evening off come around and we will go to see him Does he talk philosophy yet Why yes but it is not quite so dogmatic John Dennis Dennis Mahoney MallOney in inthe in inthe z the Red and Blue ji |