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Show I Good Jokes I ' in f i !i- f! ' ' ' "" .' SOUVENIR COLLECTORS. Among tho habits which have grown apneo among Americans of recent re-cent yearn ban been that of oouvonir hunting. Souvenir spoonn, knivos, forks, platen, photographs, postal cards nnd what not lmvo boon a per fact passion with tho multidudo. Tho thing ncomod to have bcon carried a iittlo too far when somobody at a re-coptlon re-coptlon to Mr. Wu, tho Chlncso am banHador, nomo years ngo tried to snip off n pioco of that omlnont hum orist'n pigtail with a pair or pockot ficlHsorn; but oven that was surpassed by a cortnln Chlcngo woman ot great personal attrnctivoncsH, who soema to lmvo reached tho ultimate A ntrangor speaking of her to an other womnn, nnd not being familiar with certain facts in tho family his tory of tho lady to whom sho wan talking, observed that she had hoard that hIio was a confirmed souvenir huntor. "Not really a kleptomaniac, you know," oho said. "Oil, not at nil," was tho reply. "Sho Is Just tho ultra of souvenir hunting. I happen to know hor, too. You boo, nomo yearn ago sho paid a wook-ond visit at our country placo, and when it wnB over " "You mlsBod your sllvorwnro7" "No, indood," was tho anBWor. "My husband I " Llpplncotl'n. Wall Placed. Hncon That olllconooklng frlond of yours hns landed n Job at Inst. Fgbort Qoodl What Iibb ho land od? "Ho'n kcopor at tho posHiouso." "Well, he's tho right man in tho right placo. Ho'n tho groatost peat I over knowi" Yonkorn Stntosmnn. Ab Compared. Mrs. Wlggs It uiuat have been a horrlblo Bight. Mm. 8prlggBOh, it wan aomothlug awful I It waB llko ono or Uiobo moving mov-ing horrorsocpos you boo at tho flvo cent theaters. A NOBODY, fill' r&Q 'A V "Sny, dad; what Is a nobody?" "A nobody man, Is a prorulnont woman's hUBbnnd." Enough to Make Him Mad. I saw n mad do8 yoatordny Ilow'd I know ho wns mud? Anolhur 1ok cnnio by that wny And ntolo tita bone ho hnd. Plain Prophecy. "What did tho doctor toll you to-day about old Undo Jako'a condition?" "Ho wna tolling us that his mean tompernturo was " "Tolling you about his moan torn poraturo, was ho? That's no nows. Kverybody who knows Undo Jako knows that ho hasn't anythtug about him that isn't moan," , Then It's So. A woman is novor aa old na she looks, until alio admits it. Annexed It. "So old Skinner hnd an operation porfornvod. What did tho doctors think tho matter with him?" "A big swelling on tho pockot norvo." "What did thoy do?" "Cut it out," Marks of Conservatism. "Why aro you reading that old-fashioned book?" asked Maude. "How can you toll at a glanco that it Is old-fashioned?" rejoined Mnymlo "llocauso It uses an initial and a dash to Indicate a swear word Instead ot spoiling it out in big typo." Not That Way, "Dutch collara aro all tho rago." "That's only natural," "What do you moon?" "Anything In tho naturo of cholor Is always a rago." Her Little Joke. "My doar, why do you call that young man Sprlug? Is that his right namo?" "No, mother. I named him that bo-cuso bo-cuso ho's so backward," THE ONION. Tho scent of the onion Onco moro wo detect On tho breath of tho rabbis And people select. Tho fair maiden cats them And tries hard to cover Her plebeian appetite Up from her lover. Tho matron enjoys them In prlvnto; but never In public admits That sho touches them over. And this fact Is true; On this arfat earthly ball, Tho onion, the onion Makes cowards of us all, THE REAL AUTHORITY. "Vv wtr' Ho Do you think your father would objoct to our mnrrlago? Sho Ho would If I told him to. Bless Her. Sho koji down to tho seashore And Kindly tans and spocktcs, Than tries tho balnnco of tho year To tear loose from her frockles. A Born Diplomat. Tho Hobo Please, ma'am, would youso mind glvln' mo a fow pennies t' git somothln' V cnt? Tho Lady No, I won't You aro tho ugliest specimen of humanity I over saw. Tho Hobo I ain't so ortul homoly, ma'am. It's only In do prosonco uv such uncommon benuty dat I make filch a bad show. Then, womanlike, sho Just couldn't resist giving up a quarter. "' - - r-f- In Doubt. "I wish I know that sho moans everything ev-erything sho Bays." "Dut why do you doubt hor?" "I novor lmvo boforo. Dut Bho Just casually mentioned to-day that she wished I'd go up to tholr summer cottage cot-tage and Btay a wook." The OppoQltes Meeting. "Thoro Is certainly ono quoer and contradictory about business building operations." "What is thnt?" "Whonovor a man wnnts to expand his building for busInosB ho calls in a contractor." Unimproved. "I don't seo thnt hor colloge education educa-tion has improved hor much." "No?" "No. Sho helps hor mother with tho housework Just as. if sho hadn't boon educated." Father Won't Wash Them. "How long do you oxpect to stay away?" "Oh, not moro than threo woeks. You ceo wo haven't dishes enough in tho, houso to last Pa longer than that Afraid of Consequences. Dog-IIntor (tromulously) Seo hore, Blr, will that dog blto mo? Dog Ownor (scornrully) Do you sup;:oao ho has no instinct of solf-preservation? solf-preservation? . PROOF. Lllllo Is sho sura he Is a real nobleman? noble-man? Tommle Oh, yes; tho very Mrst timo ho mot hor father ho touched tho old man for a flvor. Universally Popular. All claim kindred with tho prosper-I prosper-I oua, Latin, WHY NOT? Wi Ono of tho preachers has asked the members of his congregation to bring tholr canary birds to church. Why pot try to Bavo some of tho parrots? |
