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Show ffkl.Philh'pr W GASOLINE CRISIS QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS Q. When I get into a filling station sta-tion can I get all the gas I want? A. It will depend de-pend on how many cars have been ahead ol you. Q. If I drive into a station and say "Fill her up." what answer will I get? A. No answer; just a laugh. Q. Will I be able to buy gas at any hour of the day or night? A. That depends on your luck. Q. My luck when out of gas has never been hot. So what? A. So you'd better realize that under the new orders no gas station may be open more than 12 hours a day, and there is no telling which 12 hours a station may choose. Q. You mean that if I run short of gas between six at night and six j in the morning I may find the nearest near-est pumping stations only operate during the day, and if I run short during the day I may find the near- j est stations only run nights? A. It's wonderful how quickly you grasp an idea. Q. Isn't this a little screwy? A. How so? Q. I mean isn't it better for all gas stations to keep open certain specific hours as under the previous previ-ous ban, so that any autoist may plan his travels intelligently? A. What makes you think auto-ists auto-ists plan their travels intelligently? Q. May dealers stagger their hours; that is, open from 10 to noon, close from noon to 2 p. m., reopen from 2 to 4, etc.? A. Yes. Q. What would be the sense of this? A. Well, it would add a spec- ulative appeal to tne wnoie rmng. Q. Would it appeal to the American Ameri-can public? A. Look how bingo is doing! Q.What is the guiding rule for gas sellers? A. The . whole idea is to fill simply the minimum requirements of essential users. Q.What is an essential user? A. An essential user is an autoist auto-ist whose driving is necessary. Q. For instance? A. Doctors, army and navy men, nurses, government officials, etc., are people whose use of a car is necessary. Q. Then can I get all the gas I need if I take a nurse out for a ride? A. Yes, but it will be smarter if you use her car and get her to take you out for a ride. Q Would it be all right for me to have ten gallons now? A. Have you stopped to think that ten gallons of gas might be the deciding factor fac-tor in a vital tank battle at the front? Q. Should I make it seven gallons? A. Don't you realize that seven gallons of gas might get the valiant men out of a tight spot in India? Q. I'll take five. A. Do you realize that with war engulfing the whole civilized world every gallon of . . . Q. Stop. I get it. Lemme have a half pint! A. You're hopeless. INSPIRATION The more I study the "heathen Chinee" The less I seem to think of me: The patient way he takes his lot Convinces me I'm not so hot. And as I watch that Russian bear My cockiness seems quite unfair; As I see Stalin and his brood, I ask myself, "Am I THAT good?" J. Dorsey's reaction to the President's Presi-dent's war budget is to rise and exclaim ex-claim that fifty billion dollars can't be wrong. Darned clever with women, those Van Steeds. In this rubber shortage, has nobody, no-body, looking for a rubber substitute, substi-tute, thought of looking through all lunchroom portions of turkey's a la king? TODAY'S PATHETIC CASE A citizen in front of a closed gas station with two flat tires, a cup of coffee, one lump of sugar and a set of rules from Washington! BREVITY IN THE AIR A naval flier sent this laconic report re-port to his commander: "Sighted sub; sank same." Had he been a "versiflier" he might have put it: Sighted Sub; sank same Sought more; none came All gone; can't blame This life too tame. But real brevity might have required: re-quired: Sunk boat; Unquote. Buy Defense Bonds |