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Show 1 yby WILBUR. D NEfBlfl They come in with little notebooks with the pages ruled in red And they ask what time I get up and what time I go to bed. And they want to know my menu if I favor wiener wurst And what quantity of liquids 1 require to quench my thirst. They put down my eyes and whiskers and my height and width and age. And the number of my children and the figures of my wage, And they ask about my parents and ancestors an-cestors till they reach Back to where old Noah landed in the ark upon the beach. Then they jot it down and add it, and subtract it once or twice, And they shake my hand and give me quite a lot of good advice-Telling advice-Telling me that I should really find some nobler work to do And that there are lots of units in a bowl of Irish stew. I'm a column of statistics; I'm a problem in per cent., They are using me to figure why the landlords raise the rent, And they tell me that calorics may be found in simple food And that floors of polished tiling hold less germs than those of wood. O, it's helpful what they 1 ell me! Why, I find that daily baths And the practise of deep breathing keep us from the graveyard paths. And I've learned that fifty chews to every bite of food I eat Makes a hard boiled egg as helpful as a half a pound of meat. Still, I don't like to be addorl, and I don't like to be tabbed And I see that vivisecting every now and then is jabbed By some folks that think that dogs and cats and mice should be let be, So I wish the folks with notebooks would stop vivisecting me. |