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Show SPARKS FAMILY HAPPENINGS 1 I THE KID EATS PAINTER'S P.E, II BY EDWARD B. CLARK f-j - r 'er worked and we h4jJ J .j serves us as though we is." Things 2TC50TtS J lhis way for months. ijvt, Jparks told five real estate ag1w.o quit looking up a country home for him. "You can't beat the combination I've got right here in the heart of Chicago," he said. A box of cigars went a long way with the janitor. He insisted on beating the Sparks rugs, he gilded the radiators, he fixed the door knobs, and toward the end of the second month he was washing the windows every other day. The windows of the other flats were dingy and finger-mj.rked. Rosa was a pearl of great price. Sha anticipated every wish of every member mem-ber of the family. There was little left for Mrs. Sparks to do but to embroider em-broider and to mend Frances' stockings. stock-ings. For some reason or other, Henry Sparks, though he had always prided himself on his perspicacity, never noticed that whenever William found that something in the kitchen needed fixing the job was always one that required three or four days' time. One night Mr. Sparks went down town to do some work. He didn't get back till one o'clock. He slipped off his shoes at the door so as not to awaken his wife. He passed through the hall, and feeling hungry he went back through the dining room with a mind and appetite bent on exploring the kitchen pantry. The door leading into the kitchen was shut. In his stocking feet Mr. Sparks made no noise. He opened the door quickly. The kitchen gas was burning. From the far end of the room came a clicking click-ing noise. William the janitor was standing at attention with his heels brought sharply together. As the man jumped to the position of a soldier Mr. Sparks saw that one of his arms had jUBt dropped from its position of embrace about the waist of Rosa, the maid. Mr. Sparks was horrified. He wont back to days when as a "non-com" he had verbally lashed some bluecoat duty derelict. "WUliam," he said in a voice of be a case of false pretense If keep her?" "Not by a jugful. I'll send Mrs. Smithkins the price of her advertisement advertise-ment in an anonymous letter. 'To have and to hold' is a good motto in a case like this." That girl Rose, who Btumbled into the Sparks' flat that moving day night, was a dream. She cooked things to a turn; she was willing; she didn't nave a cross word in her vocabulary; she didn't care to go to balls on Saturday Sat-urday night, and she was plump and good-looking. The Sparks' family life was ideal. One morning as Mr. Sparks was leaving the building to go to the office he met the janitor, who was coming up from the basement leading a child with each hand. Mr. Sparks had barely bare-ly noticed the janitor before. This morning something in the man's bearing bear-ing struck him and turning, he said: "William, you've been in the service." "Yes, sir," said William, "I put in five years in the Fourth cavalry." "I can tell a regular the minute I clap eyes on him," said Mr. Sparks. "I put in a good many years myself. You have two fine children here, William." Will-iam." "Yes," said William assentingly, and then Mr. Sparks said "Good-bye." That night when Mr. Sparks reached reach-ed home his wife said: "The janitor came up today and washed the windows. win-dows. I didn't think it was a part of his work, but he said it was all right and insisted. He told me that he used to be in the regular army and that he knew you had been in the service, too." "That's it, Eliza," said Henry, "an old soldier likes to do things for another an-other old soldier. He washed our windows win-dows because we had both done hard duty on the plains. He must be a good, steady fellow, for he has a wife and two children. They have a flat in the basement." Mr. Sparks met William quite frequently fre-quently after this. William always saluted. If he happened to be standing stand-ing still as Mr. Sparks passed he would come to "attention," clicking his heels together the while aud saluting salut-ing like the old campaigner he was. Almost every night when he reached home Mrs. Sparks would tell Henry of some new act of attention on the part J RS SPARKS sat in the "!Tf window of the little TW'; flat, darning. Tommy :Wfm : Sparks, aged four, had TO been allowed to go alone to play In the .LrtjSj&M great yard that lies wil 1 MWW between the apart-JiiJ apart-JiiJ ment building and the swell private resi-SssJ resi-SssJ dence which faces the SirjJ drive. Mr. Sparks was t?-- at his office, and all the young Sparkses, barring Tommy, were at school. From Mrs. Sparks' vantage point in the little lit-tle bay window she could catch occasional occa-sional glimpses of a painter in the big yard next door, who was moving along slowly from store to stone painting the foundation of the house of their rich neighbor a subdued sort of red color. Mrs. Sparks was dreamily wondering wonder-ing why the foundation which had been pretty in its natural hue, needed need-ed painting at all, when Tommy Sparks toddled in through the doorway door-way leading from the kitchen. Tommy had come up from the yard the back way. Tommy had some streaks of red running diagonally down from each corner of his mouth, and his linen dress was spotted in places with the same color, "Tommy Sparks," demanded his mother, "what on earth have you been eating?" Tommy climbed into a chair, swung "his legs in his infantile way and said: "Mamma, painter's pie's good." r Mrs. Sparks gave one hurried, horrified hor-rified glance through the window at the red paint which was being daubed Tommy, just out of a paroxysm, turned his head and caught sight of the empty dinner pail. "Painter's pie's good," he murmured. Mrs. Sparks sank into a chair laughing laugh-ing and crying hysterically. A grin appeared on Mr. Spark's face. The doctor and the druggist looked disgusted. dis-gusted. Mr. Sparks gave the painter a dollar. "Go to a restaurant and get a square meal," he said. "Henry," said Mrs. Sparks, still in a struggle between two emotions, "what shall we do with that boy?" "Well," answered Henry as he surveyed sur-veyed Tommy and his surroundings, "I think from the cleaning these two professional gentlemen have just given giv-en him, that if we could turn him inside in-side out he'd make a good advertisement advertise-ment for some brand of soap." The Sparks' Old Soldier Janitor. "Eliza," said Mr. Sparks on the night of the day that they moved into their new flat, "this apartment life is worse than one of Dante's circles. I'll make just one more move before I die, and that will be into a house in a suburb. Here we are just moved, everything topsy-turvy and no girl. Of course, the latest acquisition from the employment bureau had to leave us just to throw all the burden of the packing up and the unpacking on us. j Then again the janitors of all flats are I devils. I'll bet the one in this building build-ing will prove to be worse than any of the others, and even a man accustomed accus-tomed to using strong language can't say anything stronger than that. Just look at this muss, will you, and no one to help us fix up." Just then the front doorbell rang. "WHAT ON EARTH HAVE YOU BEEN EATING?" thunder, "how dare you! You're a scov jdrel, sir!" "William's hand went to his forehead fore-head in a salute. "Rosa and I are to be married next week, Mr. Sparks," he said. "Married!" was the gasping response. re-sponse. "How about your wife and two children down stairs?" "That's my widowed sister and her two little ones. She's been keeping house for me," said William. Mr. Sparks groaned and went limply back into the front room. He waked his wife. "Eliza," he said, "our dream is over. Rosa is going to marry the janitor. It wasn't any old soldier sentiment at all that made him wash windows. I'll tell Hunt in the morning morn-ing to look for a home for us in the country," and, sighing, Mr. Sparks went to bed. At the breakfast table next morning William and Rosa came in hand in hand. "We're going to be married next week, Mrs. Sparks," said Rosa, "but my sister wants a place and I'll send her here. She's a better cook than I am." At this bit of information Mr. Sparks' face cleared visibly. "You both have my blessing," he said; "send in your sister Rosa, and if William Will-iam leaves here I'll get old Highrates, the landlord, to send a good janitor in his place, but I'll take good care that he is not an old soldier." And then, forgetful of everything else, Mr. Sparks turned to his wife and said: "They can't resist an old soldier, can they, my dear?" Danger in "Shuttle Kissing." "Shuttle kissing," as a vehicle for the transmission of diseases from one person to another employed in English Eng-lish weaving sheds, is the subject of a recent report which has been issued as a parliamentary paper. The "kissing" "kiss-ing" referred to takes place when the operator puts the thread through an eye in the shuttle. This is done by placing the shuttle in the mouth and sucking the thread through the little opening. The report says that while the investigation has shown the present pres-ent method to be uncleanly "and may even be a possible means of spreading infection," the committee does not think the time is yet ripe for insisting either by act of parliament or by regulations reg-ulations on the abolition of the existing exist-ing form of shuttle. on the neighbor's1-, house, and then turned her anguished countenance toward Tommy. "Tommy," her voice was a pleading wail, "did you eat the painter's stuff out of the pail?" "Yes, out of the pail; pointer's pie's good," answered Tommy. Mrs. Sparks shrieked. Tlle mald rushed in from the kitchen. H "Get the doctor, the druggist and Mrt Sparks," screamed Mrs. Sparks. "Tomi,ray'3 eat" en paint and sugar of lead ai,d everything. every-thing. Go, girl, go." SusanVrushed through the door, sent the ' corner druggist flying up to the houkffe- ordered or-dered the clerk to telephonic Mr-Sparks Mr-Sparks and then sat out on a cha :9e tor the doctor. ; In the meantime Mrs. Spark!-3 wa3 moaning over Tommy, who wst3S iak' Sng the unusual commotion n.f hich he had created as blandly as most four-year-olders. He ' a occa sionally reiterating ' !v J Mer's pie was good," and at e fotion tne mother's heart sanK Ci . The druggist rust. .gS "Tommy . tuisejiten painJe!'' Heaven alone knows Jf- 'now much. It must have had sugar ' of lead in it, and that's sweet and that's why he ate it." The druggist grabbed up Tommy, half threw him onto a lounge, and then turned to the mother. "Control yourself, Mrs. Sparks; life Jepends on Instant action. Get me salt, potash and softsoap." Luckily Mrs. Sparks had all three articles in the house, and she rushed off to the kitchen and brought them back. Tommy as yet 6howed no sign of collapse. The druggist drug-gist put two tablespoonfuls of salt in half a glass of lukewarm water and forced Tommy to swallow it sputtering. sputter-ing. This dose was followed up with a heroic one of potash, and then Tommy was made to swallow a large coffee cupful of softsoap. With the soap down and Tommy's eyes hanging hang-ing out of his head and well down over his cheek bones, the druggist turned the youngster over on his stomach on the couch and shook him. The only thing about Tommy that didn't rebel at this treatment was his stomach. That held onto its unaccustomed unaccus-tomed load with a pertinacity worthy of something better. At this juncture the painter appeared on the scene. He admitted to the tearful Mrs. Sparks that he had left his paint pot on the ground where Tommy could have found It for about five minutes while ho went round the corner to get a glass of beer. At this Instant the doctor fell in at the door on the heels of the maid He approved the druggist's treatment and added to it a large dose of ipecac Under this last added horror Tommy's stomach and spirit both gav5 way. Like the younger hopeful in Helen's flabies, he played whale, and while he didn't cast up Jonah he cast up pretty near everything else. While Tommy was in the throes Mr Sparks arrived, ashy-lipped and shaken. shak-en. The doctor turned to him. "I trust. Mr. Sparks, that if we can keep him at it for ten minutes more we may save his life." Tommy kept at it. The painter, who had retreated before be-fore the stricken countenance of Mrs. Sparks, now reappeared. He was carrying car-rying in one hand a dinner pail, which he held upside down to show those assembled that it was absolutely empty. "When 1 came to work this morning," morn-ing," the painter said. "I had three pieces of berry pie in this pail. 1 tin't got any now, a fact I Just discovered. dis-covered. I guess maybe the youngster young-ster knows where It went." of the janitor. "He came up and went all over the plumbing today," she said one night. "He said he wanted to make sure that there wasn't any sewer gas in the place " "There, it is just as I told you, Eliza," said Mr. Sparks; "this janitor doesn't want to see the family of an old soldier suffer. I'll give him a box of cigars tonight. Eliza, this is the finest kind of life. Never talk to tne again about taking a suburban house. Henry Sparks stumbled over two trunks, his daughter's bicycle, barked his shin, bruised his toes and finally reached the door. There in the hall stood a young woman, comely ai'd strong looking. ."Is this the place you want a girl?" she asked. A sudden joy leaped Into Henry Sparks' heart. "Yes," he said. "Come in. We have just moved; we're all upside up-side down here. Look out for the boxes ! " Then Mr. Sparks led the way into the dining-room and turned the caller over to his wife. "Yes, we want a girl," said Mrs. Sparks; "we've ju3t moved in, and it may be you won't want to stay now; you see how things are and what cleaning is to be done." girl. "I'm not afraid to work," said the girl. At this answer, Henry Sparks, who stood in a corner, almost fainted. The girl produced a letter from a Lutheran Luther-an clergyman in a little country village. vil-lage. It happened that Henry Sparks knew the man. The girl was taken on the spot, as she declared she was ready to go to work then and there and would have her things sent right over from her cousin's. During the whole conversation Mrs Sparks' face had worn rather a puzzled puz-zled expression. When the girl had volunteered to stay Mrs. Sparks said: "How did you happen to know we wanted a girl?" "I saw your advertisement." was the answer. "Here it is," and the girl pulled out a copy of the morning paper. pa-per. Mrs. Sparks took it. "Mercy," she exclaimed, "that's the advertisement advertise-ment of Mrs. Smithkins, who lives In the flat underneath this. You came to the wrong apartment." "Well, I like the looks of this place anyway, and I'll stay." "Henry," said Mrs. Sparks, "won't |