| Show IJ 1 Kathleen J Norris Says r I What tat About out Babies in in War car Time T lime t Bell BlI Syndicate Features l. l I 0 r i r rt t LL 1 t f tl wr V a i t i i W 4 KM r The trouble is that John is u most anxious for a child and I 1 am unwilling to I assume that responsibility until after the war tear By KATHLEEN NORRIS ft ILL you please setA settle settle set- set WILL A tle tie a question for my V V husband and me writes Donna Barton from Pasadena I am 22 John is 27 we have been happily married married mar mar- ar- ar ried for a year and a half r l during which time my sailor- sailor r husband has been twice to the South s s' s ss sas as and back Ours is isan isan isan an unusual devotion we have no families we live for each other Bother The trouble is that John is most anxious for a child and I am unwilling unwilling unwilling un un- willing to assume that responsibility until after the war When peace comes he will still have another year In medical school and the usual intern years to face and I am earnIng earning earning earn earn- ing good money as teacher in a private school and saving for his education We are young and I believe believe believe be be- lieve we may reasonably look forward forward forward for for- ward to long years ears ahead when conditions conditions conditions con con- will be more more normal life lie lifeless lifeless less of a strain and everything easier on us all This is the first difference that has bas arisen between us For awhile I managed to treat it as a sort of joke then I dropped the subject completely but now he Is continually continual continual- ly br bringing nging it up The probability is that he will soon go away again for the dangerous duties of a destroyers destroyer's destroyers destroyer's destroyers destroyer's de de- de- de existence and he says he would love to feel that a baby as aswell aswell aswell well as a w wife e was waiting for himat him himat himat at home Please tell me me-I me I have no mother mother mother-jf jf you agree with him Of course I would adore my baby It would break my heart not to have children someday but I cant can't face it now John did not say he would abide by your advice but he admitted admitted admitted ad ad- that it would influence him r Mother concludes des this letter sometimes used to read your articles arti arti- des des cles aloud to us at the Sunday breakfast breakfast breakfast break break- fast table when Z I wasn't more than 10 years old so please regard me as a sort of grandchild and tell me if I am making a mistake No No I dont don't think you are making a mistake Donna I think you are acting wisely wisely that that is may I add parenthetically if you are using only those precautions against motherhood motherhood mother mother- hood bood that are recognized as legitimate legitimate mate and I am sure you are Normalizing War Wb What t John is trying to do Is what so o young men and women are rebelliously trying to do in hi these 4 dark times he is trying to normalize normal normal- ize war It cannot be done War is like a high fever sweeping over the world and persons or worlds in a high fever must have very carer careful care care- r ful and special treatment everyone of us must make sacrifices and face i changes heroically If it we are to get through this thing and Johns John's and your sacrifice must be made in waiting waiting wait wait- ing for the richness and glory of II parenthood You cannot manage your job and your baby which means menns financial financial financial finan finan- cial stringency for tor all three of you The entire responsibility for the baby would be yours without husband husband husband hus hus- band or mother or sister to advise you and that is a n nervous strain to which he has no o right to expose you His Isis visits home will be brief briet for the 1 next few years and far apart he will hardly know his child He may not return In which case your baby 1 will be exposed to two possibilities jj both unfair to babyhood One is isyou that you will become one of those doting mothers who are absorbed in a child spoiling that child and liv j ing g for him and eventually break break- i it ing ing your heart when he grows away 0 II f I Couldn't love another mans man's child i BETTER TO WAIT WAfT Theres There's no use trying tring to pretend pretend pretend pre pre- tend that these are normal times or that the usual cus s customs customs toms tones can prevail in the midst o of f a great war tear Miss Norris tells a young oung wife that her husband is wrong to want a baby now while he lie is away at sea in constant constant constant con con- stant peril I If f he lie dies his child will be left without the protection protection pro pro- and care o of f a father Donna would like a child as much as John but she site realizes that she size would have to try to hold her job and care for her baby at the same time time- time an an almost almost almost al al- al- al most impossible burden John Johnis is stationed on a destroyer His life may end at any moment and then the whole responsibility responsibility responsibility o of f supporting and rearing rearing rearing rear rear- ing their child would fall on Donna I If f she remarried she would face the likelihood that her second husband would not be able to love another mans man's child and the resulting domestic domes tic tension would wreck any chance of enduring happiness from your influence The other Is the more usual one of your remarrying remarrying remarrying re re- re- re marrying presently and giving him hima a stepfather Only a husband of superhuman goodness and generosity will share the raptures of young married life lie with a small stepson the childs child's demands and needs will be continually continually continually con con- getting In the way of the new husbands husband's natural claims No matter how eagerly he agrees to any conditions you make the wear and tear of married life lie will wipe away every memory of them and once you begin the you promised promised promised prom prom- and you said and I always understood sort of conversation your our marriage is doomed Difficult Adjustment The adjustments between children and step-parents step is a real problem today with wartime divorces almost equaling marriages in hi number In a case that recently came to my attention attention attention at at- the little daughter of the first marriage a child of six had never slept away from her mother before When she found her place taken by a strange man and herself herself hersell her her- self sell expected to call him Daddy the child went into a psychological state very hard to handle and eventually eventually eventually even even- had to be moved to the custody custody custody cus cus- tody of strangers It was of this child that I once asked the stepfather stepfather stepfather ther Margot giving any trouble Nothing that couldn't be whipped out of her he said briefly He was wasa a clever man and known as a good goodfellow goodfellow goodfellow fellow but he couldn't love another another another an an- other mans man's child Hard and cruel as it may sound John must consider now the possibility pos pOSe that another man will have havethe havethe havethe the raising of this son he s so much wants If he does that seriously and with prayer I think he will see that it Is fairer to all concerned to leave Donna with as little responsibility responsibility as S possible to leave her in hi short hi in a free and mobile condition condition condi tion so that there will be no feeling of regret if it she is widowed or If it he comes home injured or if all aU goes well and he returns to qualify for his profession and to build that filled baby home of which they dream These times Umes are indeed out of joint Extraordinary valor is demanded demanded de de- of every everyone one of us if it we weare weare weare are to win our way through them to something better |
