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Show JOHN HENRY IN A STREET CAR BY IIUQH McHUOH (George V. Hobart) " 'MB,' IN TUB 8THKET UAH." Throw me In tho collar and batton down tho hatches. I'm a wreck In tho key of Q flat. I side-stepped In among a bunch of language-heavers yestorday and over slnco I'vo boon sitting on tho ragged edgo with my foot hanging over. I was on my way down to Wall street to help J. Plerpont Morgan buy n couple of railroads and all tho world Boomed as blttho and gay as a lovo clinch from Laura Jean Ltbbey's latest. When I climbed Into tho cable-car I folt llko a man who had mallod money to hlmsolf tho night beforo. I was bccb. And then somobody blew out my gas. At the next corner two society flashlights flash-lights flopped In and sat next to me. They had a lot of words they wantod to use and they started In. Trio car stopped and two more of tho 400's leading ladlos Jumped tho hurdles and camo down tho aUlo. They sat on the other sldo of mo. In a mlnuto thoy began to blto tho dictionary. Tholr efforts aroused tho energies of throo women who sat opposite mo, and they proceeded to beat tho English Eng-lish languago black and blue. In a mlnuto tho ntr was so full of talk that tho grip germs had to pull out on tho platform and chew tho conductor. Tho next ono to mo on ray left started In: "Oh, yes; we discharged our cook day beforo yesterday, but thcro's another an-other coming this ovonlng, and Her friend broko away and was up and back to tho center with this: "I was coming down Broadway this morning and I saw Julia Marlowe's Mar-lowe's leading man. I'm suro it was him, because I saw tho show once In Chicago and ho has tho loveliest oyes I over looked at!" I know that that was my ctV to walk out, kick tho motorman in tho knuckles, upset tho car and sond in a fire call, but I passed It up. I Just sat thero and bit my nails like tho heavy villain In ono of Corse Pay-ton's Pay-ton's ten, twon, thlr dramas. That "loveliest eyes" speech had mo groggy. Whcnover I hear a woman turn on that "loveliest oyes" gag about an actor I always feel that a swift slap from a wot dish-rag would look woll on her back hair. Then tho bunch across the aisle got tho flag. "Woll, you know," says tho broad lady who paid for one sent nnd was A COUP SOCIETY FLASH- LIGHTS, compelled by Naturo to uso thrco, "you know there's only flvo In our family, and so I tako Just llvo slices of stalo bread and havo a bowl oi wator ready In which I've dropped a pinch of salt. Then I tako a pleco of butter about tho slzo of a walnut, and thoroughly grease tho bottom of a frying-pan; then beat flvo eggs to a froth, and " I'm hoping tho conductor will como In ajd glvo us nil a tip to tako to the limber bocause tho cops nre going to pinch tho room, but there's nalblng doing. Ono of tho dames on my right finds hor volco nnd passes It around; "Oh, I think It's a porfoct fright! I always did dotest electric blue, anyway. any-way. It is so unbecoming, nnd then " I'vo Just doclded that this lady ought to mako up ns a Swedo sorvant girl and play the part, when her friend hooks in: t "Oh, yes; I think it will look perfectly per-fectly swcot! It la a foulard in ono of thoso now nollotropo tints, mado with a cropo do chlno chemisette, with a second vest pooping out on either sldo of tho front ovor an embrolderod satin vest and cut In scallops on tho edgo, finished with a tull rucho of white chiffon, nnd tho alcoves aro Just too tight for any uso, and the skirt too long for any good, and I declkto tho lining Is too sweott and I Just hate to wear it out on tho stroot and get it sollod, and I was going to havo it made with a tunic, nnd Mrs. Wigwag that's my brother-in-law s first cousin bIio had hor's mado to wear with gulmpca and thoy aro so economical! and " Think of a guy having to rldo four miles and got nls forohcail fanned all WITH HIS MANDOLIN. tho whllo wltn talk about foulard and' crepe do chine and gulmpcsl Wouldn't it lead you to a paddod. coll? ' . t Say I I was down and out no kidding! kid-ding! I wanted to get up and fight tho, door-tondcr, but I couldn't. Ono of tho conversationalists was. sitting on my ovcrcont. I folt that If 1 got up and called my coat back to Papa sho might loso tho throad of her story, and the Jar would bo something frightful. So I Bat still and saved hor llfo. Tho ono on my right must havo boon tho Lady President of Tho Hammon Club. 1 Sho was talking nbout somo other girl and sho didn't do a thing to tho absent one. Sho said sho was svolto. I Bupposo that's Dago for a shlno. i That's tho way with somo womonV Thoy enn't como right out and call another an-other woman a polish. Thoy havo to boat around tho bush nnd chase tholr friends to tho swamps by throwing things llko "svolto" at thorn. Tush! , I tried to due., tho foreign tattle oni my right ana by so doing I'm noxt to! this on my left: "Oh, yes; I think politics is Just tooi lovely! I don't know whothor I'd" rather bo a Democrat or a Hopubll-j can, but, I think oh I Just look at tho hat that woman has on! Isn't that a fright? Wonder If alio trlmmod It herself. Of courso sho did; you can toll by " I'm gasping for breath whon tho broad lady acrosB tho nislo gots tho, floor; "No, IndcoQl I didn't havo Eliza vncclnatod. Why, sho's too small yot, and don't you know my sister's hus-bnnd's hus-bnnd's brother's child was vacclnntod, and sho Ib younger than our Eliza, but I don't Just euro, I don't want " Thon tho aweot girlish thing on my loft gave mo tho corKscrow Jab. It wns tho finish: "Isn't that lovoly? Woll, as I was telling you, Chnrllo came last night and brought Mr. Storecloso with him. Mr. Storecloso Is awfully nlco. Ho plays tho mandolin Just too swoct lor anything, nnd " Mel to tho oyster beds! No male Impersonators garroting a mandolin not any In mlnol When I want to taKo a course 111, music I'll climb Into a public library nnd read how Baldy Sloano wroto thi Tlgor Lily with ono hand tlod behind, him and his feet on tho piano. So I fell off tho car and crawlod homo to mothor. (Copyright, 1601, by a. W. Dillingham Co,) |